


Are you a library book? Because I can't stop checking you out

by palepinkimpulses



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Falling In Love, Fluff, M/M, all of them are cuties, and of course kageyama is secretly a romantic, basically hinata and kageyama are book nerds, maybe some cameo appearances for a few other characters, which unfortunately clashes with his grouchiness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-31
Updated: 2015-11-05
Packaged: 2018-03-20 12:03:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 38,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3649644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/palepinkimpulses/pseuds/palepinkimpulses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It had been just a normal day, with him and his book at the peaceful library, but a stranger, full of this eccentricity and energy, had suddenly exploded into his life… Kageyama wasn’t sure what to think of him.<br/>(book nerds Kageyama and Hinata bond over books and eventually become unlikely friends... And maybe something more?)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. He's frickin annoying

**Author's Note:**

> My first attempt at a chapter fic! ^_^ whoo!

All Kageyama wanted to do was to go home, read the recently-published final book to his favorite book series of all time in four hours, then cry over the possible character deaths and the fact that his life was going to be over.

But he must’ve been way too distracted as he was walking towards the library exit, the brand-new library book cradled in his hand, because he somehow walked straight into a… bright-haired, tiny, crazy person, who stood right in front of the door, blocking his way.

“!!” Kageyama barely noticed, until he look down to see that he had collided with a head of messy orange hair, apparently. He took a step back in mild surprise and annoyance, and got a clearer look at this mystery person. He was maybe Kageyama’s age, but much shorter than him, rather petite. He seemed like he had stumbled right out of bed, because his hair was rumpled and sticking up in tufts, and he was only wearing a winter coat over his pajamas and boots. His rosy cheeks and smile worsened Kageyama’s cross mood even more. _People should dress appropriately when leaving the house!_ Kageyama thought irritably.

“Excuse me, but move over. I need to get through.” Kageyama said rudely. _Damn it I need to read this book just leave!_

“Hello!” The teen greeted him excitedly, entirely ignoring his previous comment. _What the hell, I don’t even know this guy! Why is he even talking to me? Is he going to try to sell me Girl Scout cookies or something?_

“I’m not going to buy whatever you’re—” Kageyama began, but was abruptly cut off when the boy pointed at his book and gasped, his eyes growing wide.

“That’s—ohmygod—thefinalbook!!”He flailed his arms around wildly in excitement, and hopped up and down like a caffeinated bunny, a happy and overly-sunny grin lighting up his face. “I finally see it before me! I’ve been waiting for sooooo long!!!” _How is someone this peppy?!_

In his periphery, Kageyama could see the librarian at the counter glaring in their direction. “Yeah, what about it? What do you want?” Kageyama asked, pointedly whispering. His tone was a fraction of a degree softer. _Well, he_ is _in the same fandom as me. His excitement is understandable._

“I came here hoping someone would lend it to me, and noticed you borrowing it just now--the waitlist for it has more than a hundred people on it ALREADY!! And only one book is being circulated right now. How did you get it first?! It came out yesterday!” The orange-haired boy blurted out quite loudly, completely oblivious to the librarian’s scowl.

“I placed a hold on it. Seven months ago.” Kageyama answered with a hint of pride to his voice. He was extremely proud of himself for coming up with that idea.

“Seven?! Wowww!!” The teen exclaimed in amazement, bouncing up and down on his toes, his hair flopping up and down.

“Keep your voice down! And what makes you think I’ll lend it to you?” Kageyama frowned at him, and hugged the book tighter to his chest protectively. _He thinks he can just cut the waitlist and do whatever he wants? Yeah, right._

“Well, it’s due in two weeks, so surely you’d finish it by then.” The boy replied brightly.

“You think you can tell me what to do? I don’t even know you.” Kageyama whispered harshly. The boy looked genuinely surprised.

“I thought a big fan would be able to finish it in a few days, at most. But I guess not.” The boy waggled his eyebrows with a mischievous smile.

 _What the hell????_ “I’ll have you know, random stranger, that I’ve read all the other books four times, read every single author interview, read the guidebooks and extra short stories, and could probably quote every single character. A few days? Ha, I could finish this book by tomorrow.” _This stranger I met a minute ago is criticizing my dedication and loyalty to this fandom?!_ Kageyama was pissed. Any shred of compassion he had for this fellow fan disappeared.

“Tomorrow, then! Here, call me when you can meet me here. Don’t worry, I’ll return it for you.” The boy whipped out a pen and wrinkled piece of paper from his coat pocket, scribbled down some of his information, and thrust it into Kageyama’s hands. _Did he just completely ignore me again? This person has no tact! No tact whatsoever!_ Kageyama had a compelling urge to crumple up the paper into a ball, and he was shaking in anger as he glared at the boy. But, for some reason, as he scrutinized his face, he was weirdly entranced. _Say something…! Hm, his nose is tinged pink from the cold. His eyes also look adorably sleepy, and…_

“Ah, I have to go back! Have some work to do.” The boy suddenly said, his spirits slightly dampened. “Oh, right! What’s your name?”

“K-kageyama.” Kageyama tried to shake himself out of his daze. _What are you doing, dumbly staring at his face??_

“Cool, see ya, Kageyama!” With a tiny wave, the boy dashed out of the door hurriedly, his too-large coat-sleeves flapping.

Kageyama, still hugging his book close to his chest, just stared after him, dumbstruck, his eye twitching. It had been just a normal day, with him and his book at the peaceful library, but a stranger, full of this eccentricity and energy, had suddenly exploded into his life… Kageyama wasn’t sure what to think of him. Sure, he was annoying, but he couldn’t shake off the strange sensation he felt when he was captivated by his sorta-cute face…

 _Wait a second… he totally just goaded me into reading the whole book in one day, didn’t he?_ This thought suddenly came to Kageyama as he mentally replayed their conversation.

 _Never mind what I was thinking before… HE’S JUST FRICKIN ANNOYING!!_ Kageyama angrily stuffed the note into his pocket and stormed off, somehow accidentally setting off the library detectors.

“BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.”

_UGHHHHH_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> psh what do you mean? of course i did not place a hold on the blood of olympus at the library seven months before it came out  
> (on a more serious note, I'm going to try to keep these chapters short and sweet so I can update more often ^_^)
> 
> follow me on tumblr [here](http://www.palepinkimpulses.tumblr.com) and my ff account is [here](https://www.fanfiction.net/~palepinkimpulses) :)


	2. Leave me alone, my favorite book series just ended

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This sorta quick update is totally unlike the procrastinator me but since it's spring break why not update as much as I can? ^_^

Kageyama stepped out of his apartment building. A chilly wind blasted him in the face, and a depressing gray landscape lay before him. _Damn, it’s the beginning of March, why does it still feel like it’s the middle of December?_ He pulled up the zipper on his jacket and burrowed one hand into his coat pocket. The other hand, white from the cold, held The Book. The book that absolutely ruined and completed Kageyama’s life simultaneously.

To put it gently, he was a mess. He had stayed up until about one in the morning reading the book, then he had just laid in bed, cried, and just mulled over everything, unable to fall asleep because HIS FAVORITE SERIES OF ALL TIME HAS ENDED. FOREVER. And the ending was NOT the satisfying wrap-up he was hoping for. He was forced to get up after a few hours of restless sleep, because he had classes the next morning. _I hate Mondays._

Kageyama grumbled to himself. He clearly wasn’t in the mood to do anything besides eat comfort food and sleep, but he had made a deal. _Though I was forced into it._ After rooting around through his coat pocket, he found the crumpled piece of paper the boy had given him. Kageyama squinted at the scribbling.

**_Hinata Shouyou!! :D 115-621-1628!!_ **

_Hinata… Shouyou. So that’s his name. Shouyou. That’s a really pretty name._

_STOP! Why are you so interested in his name?? Just look at his excessive exclamation point usage and unneeded smiley face. Ugh, his writing sounds way too cheerful._ Kageyama pushed away his other thoughts (that totally were not because of the romance books he’s read), took out his phone, and tapped out a short text to him. **_It’s Kageyama. I’ll be there in 10 min._**

He shoved the note and his phone back into his pocket, sighed, and started walking down the sidewalk. _It’s gonna be a long day…_

* * *

 

“Kageyama~!” A voice sang. Kageyama looked up, and saw the boy, disheveled and wearing pajamas and a coat ( _does he have regular clothes?)_ in front of the library door. He seemed to be playing a game with the automatic sliding doors, freezing in a weird karate pose, then quickly jumping out of the way to get the doors to open. _What is with him?_ Kageyama shook his head in embarrassment. He did not want to be associated with this person.

“Mhmmm.” Kageyama grumbled in response, and held out the book as he warily walked towards Hinata. “Here, I’m sorta in a rush, so I gotta go.” Hinata leaped out of his praying mantis (?) pose with a “HAI—YAA!” ( _oh god don’t let anyone see me with him)_ and reached out his arms, his hands shaking with excitement.

“I. AM. SO. EXCITED.” Hinata whisper-shouted as he took the book and admired the cover art. He looked up at Kageyama, who was trying to inch away without being noticed, and flinched when Hinata’s glittering gold eyes stared straight through him. “Thank you, Kageyama!!!”

“It’s… it’s no problem.” Kageyama felt uncomfortable as Hinata continued to hold his gaze firmly. It felt like he was staring into his soul, digging deeper within him to reveal his hidden thoughts. Usually, people would be too scared of Kageyama’s scary demeanor to stare into his eyes ( _they think I’m Medusa or something)_ , but Hinata was not. Kageyama couldn’t bring himself to break off their eye contact for a very long and awkward five seconds. _He looks tired… there are shadows under his eyes. But he’s still really perky…_ “Ah, um, I’m in a hurry, so I’ll be going.” He tore his eyes away before the situation could get any worse and slunk down the sidewalk with his eyes lowered, resisting the urge to look back at Hinata, who yelled, “I’ll return it for you! Byee Kageyamaa!”

Kageyama begrudgingly raised his hand in acknowledgement as he walked down the sidewalk, and quietly to himself, just so he could test it out, he whispered, “Bye, Hinata.” The name rolled off, slipped off his tongue so naturally, and was carried away the cold wind. “Hinata. Hinata _._ ”He repeated it a few times. It almost sounded musical on his lips as it floated away into the air.

“YEAH?? WATCHU CALLING MY NAME FOR??” A voice squawked indignantly behind him.

“I WASN’T!” Kageyama’s face flushed with embarrassment, and he started to speedwalk down the sidewalk, trying to get away as fast as he could, until he tripped over a crack in the path and he heard a faint snort from behind him. Completely pissed off once again, he stomped away.

_Ugh, again?! Why do my encounters with him always end like this???_

But suddenly, Kageyama remembered something that should be occupying his thoughts, something way more important: The Book. _How did I completely forget about the most significant thing in the world for the past few minutes,_ just _because I was preoccupied with Hinata? Argh! Get a hold on yourself!_ Kageyama pinched his arm.

For the rest of the day, throughout his classes, he determinedly analyzed the plot line and character development in The Book, and did not think about a certain orange-haired, bubbly, crazy, and very fascinating boy.

Nope. Definitely not.

Logic would say that there’s no chance for them to ever meet again. But Kageyama knew, as luck would have it, he’d probably see him again. _Because that’s just how shitty my life is._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd just like to say this is a college AU fic but I won't really be delving deep into the whole college thing (I'm probably not qualified to talk about that :P) since this mostly focuses on Kageyama's and Hinata's interactions outside of their studies.
> 
> Also, extra brownie points to those who figure out why I chose those numbers for Hinata's phone number (*≧▽≦)
> 
> follow me on tumblr [here](http://www.palepinkimpulses.tumblr.com) and my ff account is [here](https://www.fanfiction.net/~palepinkimpulses) :)


	3. Overemotional fanboys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The book they're reading is basically a parody of the Blood of Olympus, so Lev is Leo (both mean lion), Velia is Calypso ("to conceal"), Joanna is Piper, and Gaia is Terra ("earth")  
> ***SPOILERS FOR THE BLOOD OF OLYMPUS IF YOU DON'T MIND THIS EXPLANATION AND WANT TO UNDERSTAND THEIR BRIEF BOOK DISCUSSION***
> 
>  
> 
> At the end, Leo basically drops everything to rescue Calypso from the island of Ogygia and doesn't even tell his friends, who think he's dead. The prophecy (which is always true!!!) foretold one of the seven demigods would die, which was Leo, but he got some potion thing and revived (copout -.-) Gaia is like mother earth, an extremely powerful and primordial goddess (worse than the Titans/Kronos), and Piper just used her charmspeak (influence of words and persuasion) and put her to sleep so easily? Eh... Sorry this was a mini rant.

Kageyama dragged his feet along the concrete sidewalk, forcing himself to walk forward, step by step. A few cars whizzed by on the street. Everything was basked in an orange glow from the setting sun, tinted in gold. Kageyama squinted at the sunlight shining towards him, and sneezed. _Ugh. I think I’m allergic to bright lights._ He sniffled and wiped his nose as he continued down the path towards the library. The great thing he accomplished was successfully not thinking about _him_ the entire day, but whilst distracting himself from doing that, he managed to destroy his own mind and sanity by thinking about The Book nonstop, and how it was over, and how’d he never, ever, journey on their exciting and magical adventures with those precious characters, his _friends,_ again. _I’m going crazy._

Kageyama entered the library, the automatic doors sliding shut smoothly behind him. He breathed in. Ah, the tranquility and calmness of the library, where he could finally just relax. Slinging his heavy bag off his shoulder, he quietly walked towards his usual study spot (and avoided eye contact with the grouchy librarian at the counter as he walked by). It was just a small table with two chairs, and also two beanbag chairs and pillows, nestled behind many shelves of books, hidden in the depths of the adult non-fiction section at the back of the library that no one ventured into. Kageyama had stumbled upon it while doing some research on an obsolete topic for a paper, and it had become his spot for studying, homework, and reading in peace ever since. No one had ever discovered or bothered him before.

So, he was quite suspicious when everything was in a disarray. One chair was a good three feet away from the table, the other toppled over, which was definitely not the neatly-pushed-in arrangement Kageyama had left it in yesterday. An opened bag of Hello Kitty fruit snacks and a very berry juice box was on the table. His eyes roamed the scene, and landed on the most suspicious thing of all: all the pillows and beanbag chairs thrown together into a pile, hiding a human-shaped figure and muffling some strange sniffling and sobbing. Kageyama deduced that it was probably a little girl, who, distracted by her yummy snacks, had wandered away from her mother and had somehow found herself deep inside the scary corner of the library. _I guess I should help her and get her to leave??? I need to study a bit, and the library closes soon._ Kageyama dropped his bag down on the table and cautiously walked over to the pillow pile. The sobbing wavered at the sound of his footsteps. “Um,” Kageyama cleared his throat, “do you need help finding your mom or dad?” _Damn it what if she thinks I’ma creepy kidnapper or evil person? I’ve scared lots of kids away before._

A shaky voice, too low to be that of a girl’s, but still quite high for a boy, responded huffily, “I am already eighteen, so I do not need to find my parents, thank you very much.” And the pile of pillows exploded as the person sprung out like a frog and towards the small table.

“Humphh!” A pillow hit Kageyama in the face, and he grabbed at it and tossed it aside. And who would it be, slurping juice from the juice box, with tear stained cheeks, puffy red eyes, still wearing a coat and his pajamas, and his hand clutching a book Kageyama would recognize anywhere, but Hinata.

“You!!” Kageyama jumped back in surprise and annoyance. “Hinata— (Kageyama flinched at the memory of the name-calling incident from that morning) What—Why—How do you know this place? Did you stay here the entire day?!” _I knew fate would be cruel enough to cross our paths again, but so soon??? And in my secret study spot??? WHY???_

Hinata chewed on one of his fruit snacks. With a nasal voice, he hiccupped out, “I rethd th bhok an thn I wasz sho shathd I justht ran to ware nobothy wou fine me.” (I read the book and then I was so sad I just ran to where nobody would find me.) He swallowed the fruit snack and whimpered, as his eyes shone with tears, “It was wonderful and horrible at the same time. Now, I’ll never see them againnnnn!!!!” His crying started again, and he wiped his nose and eyes on his coat sleeve, leaving gross stains.

Kageyama was extremely uncomfortable, and not just because of the horrendous sniffling noises and snot patches on Hinata’s sleeve. He had no idea how to act when other people were crying, let alone comfort them. But he could empathize. Though he didn’t show it that blatantly, his heart was aching too, because THE BOOK WAS CONFUSINGLY BAD AND IT’S FINALLY OVER FOREVER.

_Crap._ Kageyama could feel his heart start to throb in empathy as he stared at the bawling Hinata. His hair was full of static from the pillows, his pajamas all wrinkled, and ( _Seriously? I didn’t notice this morning)_ he wore mismatched shoes. Hinata looked as shitty as Kageyama was feeling on the inside. He tentatively asked, trying to gloss over the sheer awkwardness (and also desperate to at least voice his thoughts about the book to _someone)_ , “So, what did you think of the ending?”

“How could that have happened?! I can’t believe it!” Hinata yelled angrily amidst his crying. “Lev would never just leave his friends for _Velia, some girl_ he doesn’t really know? How could he have done that to his friends? Who are so important to him????” Hinata tried to stop his uncontrollable flow of tears by dabbing at his eyes. _YES I AGREE SO BADLY, HOW COULD THE AUTHOR HAVE DONE SUCH A THING TO US?_ Kageyama yearned to scream in despair. The dam holding back all his emotions suddenly burst with all the thoughts he had been bottling up, waiting to share with someone who understood the raw pain he had experienced just from black ink on a few hundred pages of paper. _Thank god someone knows what I’m going through._

“I KNOW! I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND! That was completely out of character! His friends were very precious to him, he’d never give a _girl_ priority over them!!” Kageyama suddenly shouted _._ He clenched his fists in frustration, unable to hold back his whirlwind of anger and indescribable emotions. Hinata looked surprised at his small outburst, looking up from wiping his face. And then, Kageyama couldn’t stop an outpour of words and ranting from exploding from him. “The ending was so anti-climactic! They defeated Terra, an _immortal being_ , with just their mostly mortal powers?? They were really overpowered, especially Joanna. And the prophecy said, SPECIFICALLY, that one person WOULD DIE. Now I hate character deaths as much as the next fan, but they can make a story that much better. It’s not always great when everyone gets what they wants at the end and lives _even though they shouldn’t have because of a loophole_ like LEV DID.” Kageyama took a shuddering breath and panted to catch his breath. He hadn’t spoken that much to anyone in quite a while. _Wow I’m really antisocial_

Hinata slammed his juice box onto the table like a gavel and, his voice trembling with emotion, shouted back, “Yes—AND— ”

“Attention to ALL library patrons.” The intercom located near the closest bookshelf crackled to life with the librarian’s sharp crow-like voice and interrupted their tirade, causing the two to nearly jump out of their skin.  “The library will be closing shortly in _fifteen minutes._ Thank you for your cooperation.” And the intercom switched off.

Silence, except for Hinata’s quiet crying and Kageyama’s whooshes of breath. Their flow of emotions was now stagnant, and Kageyama had no idea what to do in this unfamiliar social situation, once again. _We should probably get going, I don’t want to be locked inside here with him for a whole night, even if we can discuss The Book. He’d probably hoard his Hello Kitty fruit snacks from me and I’d die from starvation or something._

Hinata spoke up first, calming himself down. “We should get going.” He gathered his snack and drink and bounced up and down on his toes as he waited patiently, as Kageyama rushed to collect his things, a little rattled that he was waiting for him. _Why is he waiting for me? I don’t think we can even be considered acquaintances… this type of thing can only occur with friends, which we are not, and when people are headed the same direction, which I hope to God  we are not. It would be so depressingly ironic if we happened to live in the same apartment building. Like in a goddamn TV comedy._ They walked silently as Kageyama babbled on in his own mind, his footsteps treading lightly on the carpeted floor (while Hinata skipped), towards the exit of the library. He almost didn’t notice when Hinata stopped suddenly, and he looked back to see him standing next to the deposit slot in the counter to drop off books, holding The Book gingerly in his hands. Kageyama noticed that he stared down at it with a mixed look of longing, confusion, nostalgia, and disappointment. _I know that feeling way too well. Books can do that._ In slow motion, Hinata reached out his hand, sliding the book across closer to the slot. He reluctantly, painfully nudged the book over bit by bit until it slipped in with a _thunk_. Kageyama and Hinata both visibly winced. _That might have slightly dented a corner of the book!!_

They parted ways at the front door of the library, Hinata heading the opposite direction as Kageyama ( _thank goodness)_ and waving a cheery goodbye. Kageyama half-heartedly sort of waved, which it looked more like a weird muscle spasm occurred in his arm, and turned to walk home.

All he thought about was the mind-boggling fact that that weird sunny kid, the complete opposite of himself, somehow had the exact same interest with the exact same opinions as him. And he wasn’t too bad to talk to.

_That doesn’t make him totally unbearable._ Kageyama could admit. But very, very unwillingly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to be busy for the next week or so because of schoolwork, so I'm not sure when I will be able to get around to writing the next chapter （ ; ; ）  
> I am definitely not procrastinating now. of course not
> 
> follow me on tumblr [here](http://www.palepinkimpulses.tumblr.com) and my ff account is [here](https://www.fanfiction.net/~palepinkimpulses) :)


	4. The first coincidence (four days later)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *crawls out of Tartarus* ugh... I have a bit less homework so have another chapter!  
> For possible future book references, here's a list of characters from Heroes of Olympus and their parody names:
> 
> Will Solace: He’s my bright sunny boy so, Gilbert ( “bright pledge”) (and Pandora Hearts ref)
> 
> Nico di Angelo: Nico means victory, so Cynesige ( “royal victory” in Anglo-Saxon)
> 
> Leo Valdez: Leo means lion, so Lev ( “lion” in Russian. also haikyuu!! ref)
> 
> Calypso: means to conceal, so Velia ( “conceal” in Italian)
> 
> Percy Jackson: A variant of Jack is Evan (Welsh)
> 
> Annabeth Chase: Beth is short for Elizabeth, so Elisa
> 
> Jason Grace: Esmond means grace and protection
> 
> Piper McLean: Last name meaning “son of the servant of Eoin”, which is Gaelic for John, hence Joanna
> 
> Hazel Levesque: Orianda (Italian) is derived from aurum or oro (gold)
> 
> Frank Zhang: My strong baby panda, so Ken (strong/healthy in Japanese)
> 
> Reyna: meaning queen, Morrigan means “great queen” in Irish mythology
> 
> Thalia: “to blossom”, and Anthea means “flower, blossom” in Greek mythology
> 
> Octavian: former name of Augustus Caesar, so Augustus
> 
> I had a lot of fun with this so I got a bit carried away (o・・o)/ gomene
> 
> (i used www.behindthename.com to find name meanings and such)

Kageyama had decided: _The weather is crazy._ The Friday afternoon weather was much nicer, making it almost feel like spring had arrived. The atmosphere carried a subtle humid air. The mumble of the people on the streets going out for Friday night parties and the rumbling of cars seemed to be louder and more excited than usual, as if they were finally awaking from a long winter’s hibernation. The sun offered a warmer glow that danced across the rooftops and windows. From this cacophony of noise and chaos, Kageyama emerged, slipping by the excited energy that permeated the air and into the café located in the central part of the town.

He quietly ordered his usual mocha, and left the crowded café. _There’s a lot of people in there. I can’t deal with human interaction… I need to relax with my drink for a while. Ugh. It’s been such a tiring day._ He settled himself on the wooden bench in front of the café and plunked down his bag heavy with textbooks. Kageyama extracted the book he was reading, The Book Thief, his headphones and phone, and put on a soothing classical music soundtrack. He took a small sip of his mocha, loosened his sore muscles and brain, and began to read. Soon, his mind was flying, completely swept away by the poetic figurative language and engrossing story. Kageyama’s tiredness and the world around him disappeared completely; all that existed was the words on the page soaring through the depths of his imagination.

A tiny whisper trickled into his consciousness and penetrated the wall of defense he’d put up around him. “Hey, whatcha reading?”

Mid-sip, Kageyama almost spewed his mocha. _I was just starting to get into the book! What—_

His fantasy reading world melted away. His eyes snapped to the left of him and focused on. _Should I be surprised?_ Hinata. He was grinning at Kageyama, while slurping a strawberry passion fruit smoothie.

“…”

“What?” Hinata asked as he smacked his lips delightedly.

“Are you stalking me?” Kageyama asked, a bit irritated.

“Hey! That’s mean.” Hinata stuck out his lip and pouted. “I really like the drinks at this café. I come here all the time.”

Kageyama heaved a sigh. _I won’t be able to shake off this guy, huh?_

“Kageyama! We never finished talking about the book! Pleasee!! Let’s continue!!” Hinata begged, like a puppy hungry for a dog treat. Kageyama didn’t respond. _I guess that wouldn’t be bad, but still…_ He wrapped up his headphones and placed his phone and book back into his bag, then massaged his temples as Hinata started to chatter.

“First of all, the ending was really bad and I know I said that already but it was! Like it didn’t seem that hard to defeat Terra at all even though she was supposed to be super super strong and immortal while the characters weren’t!”

Kageyama nodded. _True that._ “Yeah… I was disappointed by how it played out because they built it up a lot.”

“I know right!! And there’s no closure at the end! Like Evan’s friends from the first book series?” (slurp).

“Yeah we never hear how they turn out—“

“And his mom too! (slurp). And I think he should’ve had a bigger role in the book, like more chapters from his point of view and stuff.” (slurp).

 _That_ was _annoying._ “Since he is basically the main character of both series? That would have been so much better and would’ve given us a nice wrap up to this phenomenal journey we’ve been on for ten years.” Kageyama crossed his arms defiantly.

“And I hated Augustus, but that was just cruel! He just died like that! Boom! Gwah!” Hinata waved his arms out, mimicking an explosion and nearly dropping his smoothie. Kageyama shielded himself from the condensed droplets that sprinkled down on him.

“Whoa, watch it!” He wiped his arm.

“Hehe, sorry.” Hinata stuck out his tongue. _That was sorta cute._ “Hey, so don’t you think Gil and Cyne are gonna be together?”

“...Yeah.” Kageyama’s face felt hot. He felt very uncomfortable talking about his OTPs ( _It’s embarrassing)_ , and he was _quite_ familiar with fanfiction. “It is, ahem,” He clears his throat, “heavily implied at the end, so it leaves it up to us readers to interpret what happens next.” _Please don’t accuse me of reading_ things _about them I’d die from humiliation._ Kageyama slid back on the wooden bench, gulped down most of his mocha, and bounced his knee, fidgeting. Hinata didn’t seem to notice.

“Well, both of them, especially Cynesige, deserve happiness after everything they’ve been through, so I just know that they’ll be together forever.” Hinata said genuinely. He kept drinking his smoothie and looked at Kageyama with a cheerful smile. _What just happened?_ It seemed like time had almost slowed down, and all he could see and hear was the golden glow of his smile and “together” and “happiness” echoing in his mind.

Well, until Hinata turned away and clutched his head in pain. “I GOTTA BRAINFREEZE!!”

 _Well._ The little bubble surrounding them popped, and Kageyama asked gruffly (with a tint of worry), “Hey, um, are you okay?”

Hinata grabbed Kageyama’s mocha. “Sorry, I’m just gonna…” He drank the last sip of his still warm mocha. “Ahh, that’s better.” His face relaxed with relief.

Kageyama was in shock. _He just took my drink? Isn’t that rude? But he doesn’t care about germs??_ “What do you think--”

“Sorry about that, hehe, my mouth felt like the North Pole.” Hinata grinned sheepishly. “Ya know, I’ll pay if you want. It’s not that much.” He extracted three crumpled dollar bills from his pocket and dropped them onto Kageyama’s lap. He wiped the mocha from his lips.

 _I seem like a jerk now?_ “No, um. It’s fine, there wasn’t that much left anyway.” Kageyama collected the bills and hurriedly dropped them onto Hinata’s lap.

“Than—“

“Anyway!” Kageyama interrupted loudly ( _I don’t know how to react to people thanking me!!)_ “Why are you drinking that smoothie when it’s not even the right season yet? It’s not even on the menu!”

“Oh, well, one of the guys who work there is my roommate’s boyfriend. So he sometimes gives me a special treat. He’s the guy who looks really cool and has a ponytail.” Hinata replied.

 _I think that guy dropped my drink once._ “Oh, that’s pretty cool.”

“What about you, Kageyama? I didn’t know this shop sold mochas with white AND milk chocolate.” Hinata elbowed him playfully. “Don’t lie, I tasted double the chocolate.”

Kageyama rubbed his arm. “I just happen to have a classmate who works there. I sometimes help her with homework, so she pays me back with these drinks.”

“Oooh, is she that cute blonde girl? Is she your girlfrieeenddd?” Hinata waggled his eyebrows.

“No! We’re just friends.” Kageyama replied defensively. _I’m not really interested in anyone right now._

“Oh, so she doesn’t like you back?” Hinata said with a devilish glint in his eye.

Kageyama was completely pissed. “Excuse me, but--”

“Ahaha, I gotta go, see you again sometime!” Probably sensing Kageyama’s murderous glare ( _I’m gonna kill that guy!!),_ he skipped away at lightning speed and disappeared.

“…” Kageyama sighed. _That guy is so infuriating._ He closed his eyes, and tried to calm his thoughts. _He was just teasing. The sun’s still out, I can read for a while more._ He took his book out and stuck his earbuds into his ears, and began to read. He tried to get his eyes to focus, but they’d slide off the page. He loosened his collar. It weirdly felt stifling. He reached out to the peace that always grabbed him when he read, but a few words just kept bouncing around in his head and shaking up his concentration.

**_Hinata’s roommate_ **

**_Girlfriend_ **

And **, _see you again_**

_I hope to God that doesn’t happen._

But Kageyama had a hard time convincing himself of that. And he could not comprehend the reason.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama's such a romantic, analyzing his feelings with inner monologues and dialogue XD  
> and also mentions of asahi and yachi! and Hinata's roommate :P guess who?  
> welp I hope I can write and upload soon and not drown in the piles of stuff I have to do! ＼_(･ω･｀)
> 
> follow me on tumblr [here](http://www.palepinkimpulses.tumblr.com) and my ff account is [here](https://www.fanfiction.net/~palepinkimpulses) :)


	5. The second coincidence (get your own popcorn)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i absolutely hate spring allergies

Being a master of stealth was not easy. Well, for Kageyama, it wasn’t. Though he’d try acting nonchalant, he’d usually end up tripping over his shoelaces and attracting a lot of wide-eyed stares and whispers. He tried not to think about it as he casually, in nondescript clothing with a cap pulled down over his eyes, slid the ticket money over the counter.

The only girl at the cashier squinted at him a bit strangely, and she slid a pink ticket back over to him.

**_The Bonds of Destiny. 11 am. Theater 2._ **

“Thanks.” Kageyama mumbled to the counter.

“Enjoy your movie.”

Kageyama could hear the coat of laughter and slight mockery over the girl’s words as he stalked off towards the snacks counter. _Be glad I’m at least giving this place business!! There’s barely anyone here. (Well it is Sunday morning). You shouldn’t judge the movies people watch! NOT ONLY GIRLS ENJOY ROMANCE MOVIES AND STORIES! STOP STEREOTYPING!_

“A SMALL POPCORN PLEASE.” Kageyama slammed the money down in front of the boy at the snacks counter, embroiled with embarrassment and irritation.

“Y-y-yes! I’m sorry!” The brown-haired boy, with a name tag reading _Sakurai,_ jumped about three feet into the air, scared out of his wits. He clumsily grabbed the popcorn scooper and filled the container, almost dumping a scoopful all of the floor. “H-here you go!” The boy placed the popcorn on the counter and hurriedly made the transaction. “E-enjoy, thank you!”

“Ah, thanks.” Kageyama felt guilty for half-scaring the poor guy to death. _Do I really seem that horrible to people?_ He walked to Theater Two with his popcorn. _Please I hope no one notices me please_

The theater was empty, except for a small number. Nearer towards the back few rows of the theater sat a few old women. _Thank god they’re not giving me old-lady death stares._ But then, he noticed that they were too busy glaring at a person sitting two rows in front of them.

_No no no no no no no it can’t be it can’t_

A person who was humming along to the movie trailer previews, and bouncing up and down on the cushiony, reclining theater seat. A person who happened to have messy orange air and a bright grin on his face as he danced to the music soundtrack. Kageyama almost dropped his popcorn in shock. Then, his mind went into overdrive.

_Should I sit next to him? Or sit behind him the whole time so he won’t notice me? If he tells other people that I have a secret passion for romance stories, my already low reputation will sink ten times farther into hell than where it already is. Wait, why **is** he here? Does he like romance stories too or something? Or is he somehow stalking me?_

Too late. Hinata had seen him standing at the theater entrance. “What?? It’s Kageyama! Here, sit here!” Hinata twisted back in his seat to wave at him, earning even more judgmental looks from the old ladies. Kageyama had never felt more self-pity before in his life. _There’s no escape now. Why is it always me? Why do I always end up in these awkward situations? Have I done something wrong that makes me deserve this?_ He reluctantly did a walk of shame past the old ladies down the aisle and ( _kill me now)_ shuffled sideways to get to the seat next to Hinata’s. _I was forced into this!!_

“I can’t believe it! Kageyama, how come you’re here? Isn’t that freaky, we ended up seeing each other without meaning to again!” Hinata said, amazed. “Do you like these types of movies?”

_Extremely freaky. Wait, should I reveal this secret? Or try to come up with an excuse? But what kind of plausible excuse would I be able to come up with? Ugh, he’s staring at me with those gigantic eyes. I better say something—_

“Yeah.” The word popped out of his mouth without him meaning to, and Kageyama felt like slapping himself. _Idiot you weren’t supposed to say that!!!_

“Oh, that’s cool.” Hinata nodded his head. He didn’t tease or laugh like Kageyama expected. _Oh… I guess he doesn’t care._ “My mom told me she liked this movie, and it’s almost her birthday, so I thought I’d watch this so I can get an idea of what she would like. Ooh, can I have some?” Hinata plucked a few popcorn pieces from his container.

“Get your own popcorn.” Kageyama mumbled, and Hinata frowned. Tears started to well up in his eyes, and his lips parted to let out a wail. “Pleaaaseeee---“

“Okay, okay, okay, just keep your voice down. The movie is starting.” As the lights dimmed, Kageyama passed over the popcorn to Hinata. Even though it was dark, it was unmistakable: Hinata accepted the container, and his pout transformed into a sneaky little grin. _That little jerk!_ “Were you--”

“Just keep your voice down. The movie is starting.” Hinata repeated his words cheekily, then the old ladies behind them, shushed them loudly, spit flying everywhere. “SHHHHH!” _Ugh._ Kageyama rubbed his neck, where he could have sworn spit had landed. Stewing in his exasperation, he crossed his arms and focused on the screen. The words **_The Bonds of Destiny_** in elegant script fluttered across the screen, and then the movie began.

* * *

“Hey, I don’t understand why she doesn’t like the guy who proposed, I mean, he’s good-looking and rich and nice.” Hinata whispered.

“It’s because she likes the other guy she met five years ago, and--”

“SHHHHHH.”

“Meanies.” Hinata grumbled under his breath. Kageyama fought back against the smile quirking on his lips.

* * *

 

“Noo!!!” Hinata whisper-bawled and dabbed at his eyes with a tissue. Evidently, his mom had warned him to bring an entire box of tissues. “He cannot die. No. Not after everything they’ve gone through!”

“Well, that’s, ahem, how it ended up.” Kageyama attempted to keep the tremble from his voice, as silent tears streamed down his cheeks. They tickled his face, and he resisted the urge to wipe them, because Hinata might see. _Huh?_ He felt a small poke on his arm, and shifted his gaze to see Hinata holding out a tissue as he continued to wipe his own eyes.

“Here.” Hinata sniffled.

“I’m, ( _sniffle),_ not crying.” Kageyama averted his glance so Hinata couldn’t see his face.

“Stop lying, it’s not good to hide your emotions ( _hiccup)._ And I can hear you sniffling.” Kageyama relented ( _only because I don’t want to look like a mess!),_ and accepted it to wipe his face clear of his salty tears.

“HONKKKKKK!” A dissonant quartet of trumpets sounded through the theater. _The old ladies… blowing their noses into their dainty little hankies?_

“Hehehe, that sounded funny.” Hinata giggled with a slight congested tone, and hiccupped.

Amidst his tears, Kageyama also couldn’t help smiling a little with him as he laughed, and held back a snort when Hinata had to dodge a well-aimed used hanky.

* * *

 

Kageyama rubbed his face self-consciously. _I hope my eyes don’t seem red, or that my face looks tear-stained._ He squinted into the morning light as he exited Theater Two, followed by a more-subdued-than-usual Hinata. Kageyama tossed the empty popcorn container into the trash. “Hey wasn’t that fun?” asked Hinata cheerily. “It was pretty funny, with the old ladies and all.”

“Yeah… they’re right behind you.”

“Ahh! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to--” Hinata leapt behind Kageyama as a shield as the old ladies walked past behind them, sending them evil stares. He didn’t relax until they were out the door.

“Phew, they almost killed me there.” Hinata said sheepishly as they started towards the exit.

“You’d be surprised at how sharp their knitting needles are.” Kageyama stated seriously. _It’s not the first time I’ve met the like of ‘em at a romance movie._

“Ahahaha! That’s funny! Oh hey,” Hinata lowered his voice, “Did you see that guy behind the popcorn counter? He almost slipped and banged his head and dropped a bunch of popcorn as we walked past. Do you think we make him nervous or something?”

 Kageyama glanced back to see, indeed, a shaking Sakurai sweeping up some spilled popcorn behind the counter. _Oops._ “…I sort of scared him when I bought the popcorn. Long story. I just seem grouchy to everyone I guess.” He was pretty much used to it by now, though it was depressing.

“Really? You seem normal. Except the whole romance thing…” Hinata smirked.

“Shut up! Who said I can’t like romance???” Kageyama flicked the back of his neck.

“Don’t hurt me, pleasee! I’m totally fine with it, I just didn’t expect it!!” Hinata failed to dodge Kageyama, who reached out to tickle him. _Haha, no one can withstand tickle attacks!!! Take that!_

“Nononono, please! I’m really ticklish, and…  ehehhhehheheeehe!” Hinata erupted into giggles as he tried to wiggle away from Kageyama’s fingers. Kageyama was so intensely focused on torturing him that he didn’t really look at Hinata’s face, until… _Oh._ He seemed so happy and carefree, with a beautiful and cute smile lifting up his blushing dimples. _Cute._ Kageyama stopped his attacks and ferociously started to rub his cheeks. _You better not blush you idiot_

“Ah, thank goodness. My sides hurt so much from laughing!” Hinata sighed, rubbing his belly. “Hey, you should stop rubbing your cheeks. They’re turning red.”

 _Oh, craptastic._ “I KNOW THAT.” He replied a bit too loudly. He didn’t know why, but: _I have this huge urge to flee the situation as quickly as possible. It’s so awkward. But I’m the only one who thinks it’s awkward, which makes it even more awkward for me, so what am I supposed to do now? Why do I even have this urge? Is it some inner primal introverted instinct to just get away when I come too near to other people?_ “Sh-shouldn’t you be looking for a gift for your mom?? With the movie still fresh in your mind, you know?” Kageyama flapped his hand casually at Hinata, who lit up.

“Oh yeah!! I remember seeing some romance books being sold at the bookstore so I’m planning on getting her some of those.” _I’ve seen that display, and I’ve read all of them. They’re pretty good._

“You better get going! I hear they hid a few books with author signatures in them.” _A total lie_. But he wanted him to go away. _A silent prayer to the bookstore employees who have to clean up after his rummaging. I’m sorry._

“Really?? Then, I better get going! Bye! Call me if you need me! Oh, keep this, I don’t need it.” Hinata stuffed his pink ticket into Kageyma’s hand. “I’m off!” With a quick wave, he bolted out the door.

 _He is exactly like a peppy bunny rabbit. I’ve never seen someone so hyper before._ Kageyama looked down at the ticket pressed into his hand, and weirdly felt lonely. His fingers trailed to his wallet in his pocket, and he tucked the ticket inside. _Why… am I doing this?_ He slipped his phone out, and went to his text history, to the one text he had sent Hinata before. Kageyama pressed “Add New Contact”, and carefully tapped out his name. **_Hinata Shouyou._** He then looked at the options:

**_Relation:             Family                Acquaintance                    Friend                   Other                     Custom…_ **

Kageyama thought. _We like the same books, we’ve been to the same movie (though by accident), we’ve had a weird tickle fight (that I regret because I was so awkward ugh), and we talk I guess? And he doesn’t find me as weird as other people think of me… Can I? Wait, this is so stupid, it’s not like I’m showing this to anybody, I don’t have to get so worked up about it._ So, he quickly, in a blink of an eye, pressed “Friend” and added Hinata to his address book.

And as stupid as it sounded, that strange loneliness that had struck him dissipated. Kageyama almost smiled. A tiny bit. He decided to slap himself instead.

_Goddammit why are you such a frickin romantic please get a hold on yourself_

But then he noticed that Sakurai was staring at him with a look of horror, and the girl at the ticket counter was glancing at him, so he slunk out the door with shame. _Maybe I am a little crazy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the late update, but I've been really busy and tired the last few weeks, and I feel like crap right now (my eyes are so itchy and my nose is all stuffed. i hate allergies) so I'm extremely sorry if this chapter was very shitty, I'm too tired to proofread and revise (-﹏-。)  
> anyone see that knb cameo?
> 
> follow me on tumblr [here](http://www.palepinkimpulses.tumblr.com) and my ff account is [here](https://www.fanfiction.net/~palepinkimpulses) :)


	6. The third and final coincidence (same time tomorrow?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy :)  
> (i got the part with the literature textbook from http://textbooks.opensuny.org/literature-humanities-humanity/ )

Kageyama was trying.

No, seriously, he was. He tried reading his textbook mentally, then out loud, then chanted it, and sang it in the tune of “Mary Had a Little Lamb”. Nope. Nothing. The words kept sliding right through his grasp just as he finished reading them every time, so none of the information actually made it into his brain. He squeezed his eyes shut. _Pull your act together man, you’ve got an exam tomorrow and the library closes in about two hours. Focus focus read focus memorize c’mon_

He slammed the book down on the table and groaned. _I don’t want to do this. But I have to!_ Kageyama pulled out his phone and put on his go-to energetic playlist (softly, even though no one was probably within fifty feet of him in his study spot), grabbed the textbook, stood up, and flopped on his belly down onto the collection of pillows and beanbag chairs a few feet away. He mumbled the words in the book to himself to the beat of the music.

 _“The Iliad_ begins, like so ma-ny epic poems, _in medias res_ , that is, in the middle of the sto-ry, and the audience is expected to know the background. There is no-thing strange about this tech-nique, and modern writers use it fre-quently.” (guitar riff) And then the rapping.  “Anyone who reads the earlier novels of John Le Carré, (yeah), for instance, has to know about the enmity between Britain and the Soviet Union and the series of spy scandals that afflicted the British Secret Service…”

“Um. If I am allowed to, would I be able to study here?” A voice asked tentatively from behind him. _Huh?_ _Someone found me here in my secret spot?_ “I don’t want to… interrupt anything.” _…That voice._ Kageyama rolled onto his side to see Hinata with a backpack slung over his shoulder and an awkward smile on his face. _Hm._ He couldn’t really fathom the concept of Hinata as a college student, or sitting still for more than ten minutes to study or listen to a lecture, for that matter. _Ah, so since he bottles up his energy during all of his classes, it just explodes out of him randomly after, like some leaky balloon. And so it looks like he has a screw loose. Whoa, wait. What did he mean by “interrupting anything”?_ Kageyama suddenly became aware of what he must’ve looked like, sprawled out on his belly on the beanbag chair, chanting his literature textbook. To put it simply, a nutcase. He tried to say something, but nothing came out. _Crap, why does he always see me in the most horrible circumstances? I don’t really want him here now because of this embarrassment… But I guess I should? I mean…_ Kageyama flashed back to a few days before, when he had added Hinata into his contacts as a “friend”. He blushed just from thinking about it. _Just because he’s a fr**nd doesn’t mean I have to overreact to any interaction I have with him!_

“INTERRUPTING, YOU SAY? HA.” Words burst from his mouth, and Kageyama sat upright on the seat, attempting to chortle and hide his blush. He tried to rearrange his mussed up hair. “NOTHING TO INTERRUPT HERE, SURE, COME ON HERE TO STUDY!”

“Really? Well, that’s great! Thanks!” Hinata plopped himself down at the table and started unloading some books from his bag. His eyes darted up to Kageyama, and even though the book he was balancing between his fingertips partially concealed his face, his crinkled eyes and raised eyebrows gave away his grin. “You were spitting out some sick beats there… You should rap about the Odyssey, Shakespeare, all that good stuff.”

“Grrrrrrrrrr.” Kageyama growled menacingly, and waved his book at him. “I would throw this book at you, but I need it to study, so just be quiet already.” _I knew it he’s just going to mock me the whole time about it won’t he_

“Do you really think you’d actually be able to study all laid down there like a mess?” Hinata pointed out as he flipped open his textbook. _HE PISSES ME OFF._ Kageyama glared at him, and cracked his knuckles, though it did lose some of its scariness because he was lying on his side like a stranded manatee. Ignoring his weak threat, Hinata continued, “Just sit down at the table and turn off that music, it’ll just ruin your concentration. Besides,” he added mischievously, “I don’t really want to hear more of your rapping.”

“Didn’t YOU just call it ‘sick’? Ugh, move your stuff, I’m sitting down.” Kageyama swung his legs to a sitting position and dragged himself to the table at the seat across from Hinata, reluctantly complying with Hinata’s suggestion by pausing his music. _He’s probably right, but I won’t let him know that I think that! What does he know about studying, anyway?!_ A disgruntled Kageyama laid out his book onto the table and attempted to read, until he was distracted by _someone._

“Could you _please_ stop bouncing your leg up and down?” He asked Hinata impatiently, who was also calmly reading a textbook.

“What? Oh, I was? Okay, I’ll stop.” Hinata answered absentmindedly and stopped, continuing to read intently while eating from a huge box of Sour Patch watermelon candies. Kageyama sighed, uncrossed then crossed his legs, wiggled forward into his seat, and tried reading again. But then, barely five minutes later

“tap tap tap tap tap”

“I’m sorry, but COULD you not twiddle and tap your highlighter on the table?” Kageyama glared up at Hinata He was strangely focused, unlike his usual self. His eyes flew across the pages as he fiddled with the highlighter between his fingers.

“Mmm. Will do, Kageyama.” Hinata gave him a thumbs up, and stopped, his eyes never once leaving his textbook.

Kageyama shifted in his seat again. _Whew._ A deep breath, and he read. _Finally._ He actually began to absorb the knowledge and words, flowing to form a logical structure in his mind. Not feeling as overwhelmed as he did before, his brain kicked into high gear as he kept reading, scribbled down some notes, and filed away facts in a mental file.

Nearly two hours passed, with the two sitting across from each other, tucked far away in the corner of the library, toiling away in the quiet. But the peace wasn’t a lonely kind of quiet; it felt warm and familiar. _It’s kinda nice._ Only the soft rustling of pages, and an occasional sniffle or sigh floated through the silence. Kageyama couldn’t really explain it, but it felt like… _We’re in like a little bubble, undisturbed by the rest of the world._ Kageyama leaned back in his chair and rubbed his eyes tiredly. _Ah, I’m exhausted. At least I finally finished._ He peeked up to look at Hinata. He also looked drowsy, but his eyebrows were wrinkled in concentration, his small pink lips pressed together thoughtfully. His hair, like always, was slightly disheveled, and he tugged on the large sleeves of his sweatshirt, probably out of habit. His candy bag was emptied. _Wow… He’s really into it. And he’s pretty tired, even after all that sugar… I gotta admit, he looks cu—_

“Attention to all library patrons. The library will be closing shortly in _fifteen minutes._ Thank you for your cooperation.” The librarian’s pinched voice screeched through the intercom and rattled his eardrums _._ Kageyama, who was tilting back in his chair, almost tipped backwards in surprise, and he started to curse at the sudden shock.

“What the f—“

“Haaa.” Hinata sighed and gently closed the cover of his textbook. He stood up and stretched up on his tiptoes, then all the way down to touch his toes, then back up again. Bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet, he looked down at Kageyama (whose heart was going a mile a minute at nearly cracking his head open on the floor) with a fatigued, but still toothy smile.

Kageyama’s heart was racing from the previous shock, but Hinata wasn’t helping matters either. _Why are you smiling at me so nicely I probably look like death right now?_ He just stared up into Hinata’s happy face, unable to react because he was trying to reorganize his messed-up thoughts and also trying to get his pulse to a normal rate.

“We should probably head home now, Kageyama!” Hinata chirped (a bit softer than usual), and proceeded to pack up his things at breakneck speed. _How have his coordination and agility not been impaired by the horribly draining studying. How does he still have energy. How._ Kageyama scrambled up in his seat and clumsily shoved his books and his phone into his bag. After pushing in his chair ( _it pays to be neat),_ Kageyama straightened out his clothes, and mumbled to Hinata, who was humming quietly while playing Flappy Bird on his phone, “Let’s go.”

“Kay!” They walked to the door together, Hinata swinging his bag back and forth, Kageyama carefully walking step by step ( _So I don’t end up falling over from tiredness)._ They stepped outside. The night was a midnight blue. A few stars were sprinkled across the sky.

It took Kageyama about five seconds to realize that the two of them were just standing there right in front of the main entrance of the library looking at the sky, and not moving at all. _Is he waiting for something? Am **I** waiting for something? Why exactly are we just standing??_

“My roommate has his boyfriend over a lot, so it’s sometimes hard for me to study at my place.” Hinata broke the silence of the night. His words were whipped away by the nighttime wind, and he looked forward, not at Kageyama. “Sorry if I bothered you today.” He sounded a bit sad, but he tried to keep the warm lilt in his tone.

“No. It was fine.” Kageyama directed his gaze directly at Hinata. As if he felt the intensity of his stare, Hinata looked back at him, his eyes widening. But, he didn’t say anything. _Thank god or I would die of embarrassment of not knowing how to react. This is so cheesy damn but I don’t want him to sound all sad like that_

“So.” Hinata’s voice was small, but it was bashfully happy. “Same time tomorrow?”

 _Same time tomorrow._ His words reverberated in Kageyama’s mind. _Is this going to become a regular thing?_ He opened his mouth in reply, before his brain could stop him. Still staring into his glistening hazel brown eyes, he answered with the first reaction he had.

“I usually come earlier. At four.”

“Okay, Kageyama.” Hinata clapped his hands together in delight, and turned to walk away. He looked over his shoulder to grin. “See ya, then, at four~!”

“Y-yeah.” Kageyama nodded dazedly, and turned the other way towards his house, when he was called again by Hinata.

“Hey, Kageyama!?”

“Hahmm? What is it?” He turned back around towards Hinata again, whose face glowed golden with his sunshine smile and the white luminosity of the moonlight.

“What’s your full name?”

 _My… full name?_ He stumbled over the words as he called back. “Kageyama T-tobio.”

“Got it!! Byee!” Hinata waved, slung his bag over his shoulder, and jogged away and around the corner.

Kageyama shoved his hands into his pockets, and continued back on his way, his footsteps echoing. _Why did he want to know my full name? He’d need it for a phone contact entry… But I don’t care about that._ He shook his head vigorously. _Nope. Anyway, he seemed totally not-bouncy when we were studying. Yeah, not as crazy as he usually is. Isn’t that weird?_ The image of a focused Hinata with scrunched up eyebrows suddenly appeared in his head, along with what he was thinking when he was looking at him then. “ _I gotta admit, he looks cu--”_

Kageyama stopped in his tracks to pinch himself. _Just because you have a fr**nd now doesn’t mean you have to just overly compliment them in your head and think about them all the time!! The fact that he has different layers and sides to him is nothing to be over-the-top obsessed with._ He pinched himself three more times, for good measure.

Needless to say, Kageyama was flustered all the way home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look at all the hw and things i have to do... help (′︿‵｡)  
> I wasn't completely confident with this chapter. wahhh  
> (I realized Hak from AnY is extremely similar to Kageyama. I hope I'm not the only one who thinks that)  
> Just a heads up, the next chapter will be a timeskip (sort of ish)
> 
> follow me on tumblr [here](http://www.palepinkimpulses.tumblr.com) and my ff account is [here](https://www.fanfiction.net/~palepinkimpulses) :)


	7. A contagious smile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahaha because I am a lazy person I decided to split the long chapter I had planned into three shorter parts  
> hope you like the first part!

He wasn’t exactly sure how, but Kageyama had somehow established a daily routine that was completely different from what seemed like ages ago, before he had read The Book That Ruined His Life, and before he had been blackmailed ( _or threatened or goaded or whatever)_ by Hinata into reading it in one day.

To put it this way, his afternoons to early evenings eventually have begun to revolve around drinking coffee and studying quietly in the library; this time all spent with a certain bubbly boy. At the end of the first day they’d met at the library with prior arrangement ( _which was super awkward)_ , Hinata smiled and said “see you tomorrow!”, and then he said the same thing the next day, and the next, until it had become a habit for them to just do that together every day. Kageyama didn’t protest (because he somehow could not bring himself to say no to those sparkly eyes and innocent smile), and he didn’t really want to protest (though he’d never admit it), because he was starting to feel comfortable with H…. H- _Having a nice settled schedule every day! That’s what’s great about it!_ Kageyama would think wildly, whenever he found himself slightly, _ONLY SLIGHTLY,_ smiling unconsciously, as he and Hinata sat at the table together. Well, he didn’t really notice it himself at first, but

“Kageyama. Please stop that.” Hinata whispered one day.

“Stop what?” Kageyama mumbled, only half-hearing what he was saying as he kept scribbling in his notebook.

“Why do you look so creepy? You planning to prank me or hit me?” Hinata replied defensively. He held up a heavy textbook to shield him from any potential flying items that might come his way.

“No…” Kageyama now glared up at him from his notebook. _I haven’t been doing anything?!_

“Then what’s up with your face? Oh wait, now it’s gone.” Hinata sounded relieved.

“I WAS BORN WITH THIS FACE! I’M NOT DOING ANYTHING!” Kageyama yelled.

This had happened two more times, until Kageyama decided to find out what exactly made him so creepy-looking ( _My normal face is already pretty scary, so I thought he was used to it? Have I become even more creepy and haggard? That studying must really have an effect on people)._ So, after the fourth time, he reluctantly asked Hinata to draw out what he looked like.

“Could you,” He coughed, “um, draw what I look like?” He glanced away in embarrassment and took a sip of his coffee.

“Huh?” Hinata was puzzled. “Why?”

“ _You’re_ the one always complaining about how weird I look, dumbass. I don’t even know why!” Kageyama bit back harshly.

“Oh, so you can fix it?” Hinata grinned cheekily. “Wow, I didn’t know you could feel self-conscious.”

“Shut up.” Kageyama grouchily wiped his coffee-stained lips and went back to his reading.

“Got it, got it. I’ll show you, hold on a sec.” Hinata pulled out a pad of post-its from his pencil case and began doodling. As his pencil danced across the paper, he said honestly, ( _and was it with a touch of guilt?)_ “Ya know, you don’t have to be so embarrassed. I won’t actually be mean about it, no one else is here anyway.” He ripped off the post-it and reached his hand across the table to stick it smack-in-the-middle of the textbook page Kageyama was reading. “Here you go!” Kageyama shot an annoying look at Hinata, though his insides tingled with a blend of surprise and just a little bit ( _JUST A LITTLE OKAY)_ of joy. _He actually feels sorry about it? Oh, he’s basically saying I can be myself around him… No one has ever told me that before. Wow. I feel…_ He looked down at the post-it: There it was, an extremely accurate light pencil sketch of Kageyama’s face. Kageyama would’ve marveled at Hinata’s artistic abilities (even though he knew he was taking art), but he just could not ignore, WOULD not ignore the fact that _he drew my mouth curved up and my teeth showing?? So THAT’S my creepy face??? MY SMILE? I’M SMILING ALL THE TIME???_

“…So, whaddaya think?” Hinata twirled the pencil around in his hand and stared at Kageyama with his curious and big brown eyes.

“…I’ll try fixing it.” Kageyama muttered. He couldn’t look up; his mind was just swirling with confused thoughts. _My smile was scaring him? Ugh I’m sorry I don’t have a naturally nice smile and face that people are attracted too. BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, why am I smiling during studying and doing work? It’s torture. Have I become a study nerd? Or is it because I’ve been around Hinata?_

_...Dammit, his smiles are contagious!!!!!!!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully, I can upload one or even two (gasp) more short chapters in the next few days because of the long weekend. Fingers crossed I actually get off my butt to write them （￣～￣;）
> 
> follow me on tumblr [here](http://www.palepinkimpulses.tumblr.com) and my ff account is [here](https://www.fanfiction.net/~palepinkimpulses) :)


	8. Drinks, snacks, and an epiphany

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the world is ending I am updating only two days after the previous chapter (I can't believe I actually did not procrastinate a lot) ^_^  
> Note: When I say "anxiety", Kageyama does not actually have anxiety (as in the disorder), I'm just referring to how he often feels anxious because he is quite shy/socially awkward  
> Also, another cameo of a haikyuu!! character (guess who?)

It was nearly four in the afternoon, and a few birds here and there twittered happily among the trees planted at the edges of the sidewalk. It was finally late April, and the sun was high in the sky, its late-spring heat tempered by a soft breeze that smelled of fresh grass. Kageyama exited the café, in a better mood than he usually was, because the weather was finally warm enough for his usual hot-weather drink (which was basically an iced double chocolate mocha instead of a hot double chocolate mocha). _I am a person of habit, and I can enjoy whatever drink I’d like! That’s right._ He triumphantly took a sip of the drink. _Mmmm._

“Bzzzt.” Kageyama’s phone vibrated. _Ugh who’s texting me?_ He shifted the weight of his backpack from his right to his left shoulder so he could reach into his pocket, but then almost dropped his bag and nearly knocked his drink to the ground. _Eeeepp!!_ He shakily shuffled towards the nearby bench to escape the scene. _Oh my god I nearly spilled my drink._ Heart pumping, Kageyama caught a glimpse through the store window of a black haired girl staring at him with a “what-in-the-world-are-you-doing” expression. _SOMEONE SAW ME ALMOST DIE HELP._ With a flushed face and a wobbly hand, he quickly turned back around, set his bag and drink down on the bench, and took out his phone. A text from… _Hinata._

**Hey, I forgot to buy my drink from the café! If you can, could you get me it?? I’ll pay u back. Thxxx (** **◍** **•ᴗ•** **◍)**

_How annoying. Well, at least I’m still here. I wouldn’t go back to get it for him if I’d already left. Yup. And what’s up with his emoticons???_

Kageyama slipped the phone back into his pocket, and took out his wallet. After considering his options for a moment, he decided. _I’d rather risk someone poisoning my drink and stealing my bag than bring them all in with me and just end up dropping everything in front of everyone in the café._ With the reassurance that he had a 98% chance he wouldn’t embarrass himself, he went into the café once again to buy Hinata’s drink. Five minutes later, with an awkward polite conversation with the guy that usually made Hinata’s special order ( _was his name Asahi?)_ behind him, Kageyama breathed a sigh of relief, walked over to the door, and opened it to leave. Well, that is, after he tugged on the handle about five times without it budging, before realizing it was push, not pull ( _You’ve been here like a million times here please don’t make a fool of yourself please don’t make that 2% happen)._ But strangely, he didn’t feel as disturbed by his poor behavior in public situations as he would’ve been before _._ Kageyama was always slightly overly-worried about things like that, but his anxiety had gotten better because of… _reasons. I’m a frickin badass. Yeah. I’m just becoming a better person **on my own**. _

He shouldered his bag (that thankfully wasn’t missing anything), gripped his drink in his right (that didn’t seem to have been poisoned) and Hinata’s smoothie in his left. He turned from the wooden bench, and began the way towards the library, where Hinata was waiting. But of course, as he steadily continued walking, his mind wandered randomly, and his eyes swept across everything around him, to the few dashes of clouds in the sky, over the concrete sidewalk, the patches of grass, the sprouts of flowers here and there. His gaze traveled down and settled on the pastel orange-pink colored smoothie in his left hand. And a random thought in his head whispered, _your previous statement. Is it completely true?_

* * *

 

The next day, Kageyama made his way to the café as usual. But he was a bit pissed, because Hinata had said _he would pay me back, but he didn’t? I mean, I don’t want to sound cheap, because I don’t really care if I pay for it since it isn’t that much, but he forgot his promise._

Pulling open the door of the café ( _good job, self, you opened it the right way this time),_ and,distracted by his plans to chide Hinata later on his forgetfulness, he walked right into a ( _rather small)_ person near the instant-coffee stand, a person whose head just smacked straight into his chest. And that head had a distinctive orange mop of hair.

 _Is this déjà vu? I think this happened before._ “Oww!” Hinata moaned, and his nose wrinkled in pain. But then he looked up at Kageyama and automatically smiled. ( _It’s Hinata???)_ “Oh, it’s Kageyama!! Heyy!!! Hehe, please pat my head, your chest is so stiff! That hurt! And I can’t do it myself, I’m holding all this stuff. Seeeee?” Hinata held out a jumbo chocolate chip cookie, his smoothie, and a ( _double chocolate?)_ iced mocha in his tiny hands, somehow managing not to let them slip through his small fingers. _Alert. There is a 99.999% chance those will fall to the floor within the next sixty seconds._ Kageyama panicked and answered on reflex.

“Sure!” He clumsily patted (more like smacked) Hinata’s head and snatched one of the drinks from Hinata’s hand. “Look out, dumbass Hinata, you’ll drop those if you’re not careful! Your hands are way too small.”

“That hurt more than the first time!!!” Hinata complained, rubbing his head. But his pout transformed instantaneously into a satisfied grin. “Thanks, though. Anyway, that drink is yours!”

Kageyama looked down at the drink in his hand: the iced double chocolate mocha. “Oh.”

“Yeah! I said I’d pay you back yesterday.” Hinata’s eyelids fluttered excitedly. “I also got you this cookie! It’s sort of like a late fee.” He held out the gigantic chocolate chip cookie to Kageyama.

“Oh.” _Is “oh” the only word in your vocabulary?? Speak a phrase at least, for goodness’ sake!_ “I mean,” Kageyama coughed ( _just say it),_ “thanks… I guess.” _Oh my god you sound so ungrateful JUST ACCEPT THE COOKIE._ And he proceeded to take the cookie.

“Well, that cookie cost almost as much as the coffee, so you owe me a snack tomorrow. It better be yummy!!!” Hinata teased slyly.

 _Are you challenging me to a snack battle? A coffee competition? Oh, it’s on._ “Aha, bring it. It’ll definitely blow away your taste buds. Don’t underestimate my snack-buying skills, Hinata.” Kageyama defiantly downed half of his mocha to show his determination and dedication. ( _hide the brain freeze ow)_

“I can’t wait!” Hinata cheered, and skipped out the door. “Let’s go to the library now!” Kageyama trailed behind him, and took a small bite of the cookie. A warm burst of softness and sweetness attacked his taste buds. _It’s soooooo good!!!!_ He thought blissfully.

Hinata glanced back at him ( _with those bright, shining eyes dammit)_ , a few steps ahead on the sidewalk. The wind messily tousled his hair, and it seemed like the sunshine was completely surrounding him, illuminating him with a light glow. Kageyama ( _I am not awestruck by his angel-look okay)_ hastily brushed away a few crumbs on his mouth and wiped the happy expression from his face. “Wh-what?”

“…” Hinata just stared back at him. _He looks sad? Jealous? No, hungry._ Kageyama smiled inwardly, with just the faintest bit of amusement.

“Yo. You want some of this cookie?” He asked gruffly.

“YESS!! Wait, no, I mean, yes, if it’s okay. Heh.” Hinata rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.

Hinata ended up eating most of the cookie at the end, but Kageyama didn’t mind too much ( _for some strange reason)._

* * *

 

“Why are you giving this to me?” The librarian’s nasal voice poked at Kageyama’s eardrums painfully. Her black hair was tied back into a gray-streaked bun, and she peered at them threateningly from behind her purple reading glasses.

“We happened to have too many, so we thought it would be great to share it with someone else!” Hinata explained over the counter with his full-on excited puppy-aura. “Here, we have an iced mocha, a smoothie, a fudge brownie with M&Ms, and a hazelnut macaroon!” He nudged all the food enticingly across the counter, closer towards the librarian.

“…I suppose… it wouldn’t be wise to dispose of it. It’d be a waste of food and resources.” She replied grudgingly. “I’ll… take it back to the other librarian in the storeroom.”

“Thank you!” Hinata whisper-shouted, and bowed. Kageyama, who had just been silently observing, was dumbfounded at how Hinata’s energy had even overcome the librarian’s scariness. _Wow, that’s actually pretty amazing._ He still was at a loss for words, even after she had left with the food, leaving very-pleased Hinata with very-shocked Kageyama.

“Bwahahahahaha!!!” Hinata burst out into a quiet fit of giggles. Kageyama looked over at him; Hinata’s lips quirked back into a huge smile and his cheeks were tinged pink. _He’s really…_ Looking at him smiling, Kageyama found himself resisting the urge to smile as well, so he discreetly pinched his own arm to stop himself. _That contagious smile is a curse on me!!_

“Let’s call a truce, Kageyama, or we’ll just end up buying a mountain of food to give to the librarian each time! Ahahaha!” Hinata wiped tears from his face, his belly still shaking with laughter.

“Yeah, let’s end this food contest. It’s a deal. (ahem)” Kageyama held a hand to his mouth to stifle a grin. For the past week, they’d been buying each other more and more snacks and their drinks at the café, trying to overdo each other, and _it got really out of hand, to say the least._

“We’ll just have to meet up at the café together before going to the library every day, then, to make sure we do that. And we can eat at that bench!”

This time, Kageyama couldn’t help it: he smiled, a full, honest-to-goodness Kageyama Tobio smile, which was a rare sight to behold. “Yes, I guess so.”

“…You’re making that face again. Though it’s not as scary.”

“IT’S MY SMILE. JUST SHUT UP.”

“EHHHH?!?”

The world, at the moment, seemed to be swirling around him in slow-motion: Hinata dashing away to escape his angry attack (the corners of his mouth were perked up mischievously), the second hand on the library clock slowly ticking away, his arm reaching out to catch Hinata…

_I smiled._

_My smile isn’t as scary anymore._

_I’m joking around…_

_I’m having fun?_

_I think so._ Kageyama looked at Hinata with an unguarded expression, one of tenderness and fondness that would make him die of extreme embarrassment if anyone else saw it. _I really changed, haven’t I. Because of… you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (hint hint that sense of deja vu refers back to chapter 1)  
> I'm not sure if it's because I'm the one writing it, but when I try to think about the progression of this story, my mind can't really piece it together (and I planned most of the chapters out like two months ago so I must've forgotten exactly how it goes). But evidently it makes at least some sense to you guys so I'll just keep writing randomly and hope it turns out well in the end (゜▽゜;)
> 
> follow me on tumblr [here](http://www.palepinkimpulses.tumblr.com) and my ff account is [here](https://www.fanfiction.net/~palepinkimpulses) :)


	9. A book swap on a warm day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the long wait, some of you may know that I've been extremely busy and stressed for the past few weeks but tonight I was like "screw it I'm gonna write something" and here I am, 11:30 pm, posting a chapter. Oh yeah. I finally posted more to this fluffy toothaching fic. (^～^)

One day had slowly trickled past. Another had too. But the time began to accelerate, plodding along and transforming into many days, weeks, a month. Days of snacks, studying, Hinata’s smiles and Kageyama’s scowls. Days of later and later sunsets, of warmer suns, of digging through the closet to find his summer clothing. And, more days of thirty minutes reposing on the weathered, wooden bench outside the town café with sweet and icy beverages that dewed quickly in the afternoon sunshine.

On one of these particular days, Kageyama sat on the left side of the bench, Hinata the right. Hinata contentedly sipped his smoothie with a pleased look, and Kageyama took the advantage of his lack of blabbiness to finish the final chapter left of The Book Thief. He read the final line:

**_“A Last Note from Your Narrator: I am haunted by humans.”_ **

Wow. That was… beautiful. The usual fog of peace and tranquility from finishing a book settled in Kageyama’s mind, and he carefully folded the cover shut, taking care not to wrinkle the paper covering around the book. For a moment, his eyelids slid shut, and he inhaled, exhaled the late-spring air. A few seconds later, he squinted back into the brightness of the sun. At first, it blinded him temporarily, but then Hinata stuck his head in front of its rays, blocking the sun and staring at him, then down at the book in his lap. “You just finished a book by Markus Zusak! How was it?”

“The writing was incredibly descriptive. It was amazing.” Kageyama replied in a dreamy tone, absentmindedly rubbing the edges of the book cover.

“Isn’t that weird?? I just finished reading The Messenger by the same author! It was so detailed!” Hinata exclaimed.

“Yeah, I really like his writing style. I haven’t read The Messenger, though.” Kageyama gazed out, his eyes unfocused.

“I haven’t read The Book Thief either… That gives me an idea!” Hinata snapped his fingers and leaped up out of his seat. He stuck his hands on his hips triumphantly, and smiled a cookie-crumb smile with a smoothie-stache. “Let’s trade books and switch back after a week or something! This way, we both can read the books we want and then we can talk about it afterwards!”

Kageyama cleared his head, bit his lip, and pondered on the suggestion for a moment. _Hm, I wouldn’t have to worry about due dates if I borrow it from Hinata instead of from the library, and frankly, I need to save money. Buying all those snacks and drinks is really taking a toll on my wallet, so I don’t really want to buy books right now. But, I’m very attached to the books I own… Would I be okay with lending one of mine?_

“Okay.” He found himself saying, the unanswered question left hanging in the air. _Apparently my mouth does, because it just automatically responds without any messages from my brain. It’s like my nervous system isn’t functioning. God help me._ Kageyama sat up straighter in his seat, sucked in a breath, and looked up at Hinata. “That’s fine.”

“Oooh, this is gonna be fun!” Hinata clasped his hands together happily and beamed. “How long would we need to read it though?”

“Oh, um, I’m actually working at the local newspaper this summer, working on journalism and stuff, so that’ll take up some time…” Kageyama recalled. “How did I almost forget? I start soon, too…” _Whoa I thought I had better memory!_

“Hey, I’m working at a kids’ summer art camp this summer! But the short training before the camp starts soon for me too.” Hinata plopped back down onto the bench and swung his legs back and forth. He twisted over to glance at Kageyama. “So since we might be caught up with other things, we could just check in with each other sometimes on where we are in the book. Is that okay? Here you go!” Hinata whipped around to pull his hardcover copy of The Messenger out of his bag and thrust it into Kageyama’s lap before he barely got in a nod in reply.

“Ahm, uh, thanks.” Kageyama stuttered out in surprise. _Well that was quick._ “Uh, here, you can take this.” He awkwardly held out The Book Thief to Hinata, who accepted it, gently tucked it back into his bag, and took out a pencil and a sketchbook.

“Thanks a bunch, Kageyama!” Hinata smiled and bent his head down to start sketching something obscured from Kageyama’s view; he could only see his pencil expertly curving and flying across the white expanse of paper, feather-light and familiar. A random thought suddenly struck him. _A summer camp for kids? Don’t they usually have after care?_

“About the camp thing.” Kageyama blurted out. The Messenger was lying in a strange position between his thighs and a bit too close to his crotch for his liking. _How did it end up there???_ He snatched it up, flushed, before Hinata could see. He didn’t look up in response because his eyes were laser-focused on the paper, but he said, “Yeah?”

“It ends… when exactly?” Kageyama tried to casually ask.

“Ah, I’ll be back every day in time for coffee and library stuff. Don’t worry.” Hinata replied uncharacteristically softly as he continued to draw. Kageyama rarely saw him like this, the quiet, intense, concentrated Hinata with a look of fondness in his eyes as he did what he loved. _It really makes me stare for some reason, probably because he’s so different from how he usually is. Good thing he doesn’t notice me because he’s so focused._

 _Oh. He knew why I was asking that and immediately reassured me. He said “Don’t worry”._ Kageyama’s almost-shameless looks at Hinata out of the corner of his eye and these facts combined into something like _a metal rod? It’s poking at the depths my chest, twisting it all around so it’s swirling and pounding like a hurricane…_

_What kind of natural disaster would be going on, beating in my rib cage?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to be busy for the next week, possibly two weeks, so I probably can't write anything substantial... but this chapter was originally supposed to have another really short part at the end, so I'll post that if I can sneak in the time to write it because it won't be very long. *crosses fingers*  
> I don't know if it's just me, but I'm very scared that season 3 of knb is ending soon. I DONT WANT IT TO END PLEASE HAVE A SEASON FOUR (and I need to read the manga too).  
> I'm also super excited for season 2 of Haikyuu!! Yay!  
> Okay this is the end of a half-delirious person's random talk. bye  
> ~
> 
> follow me on tumblr [here](http://www.palepinkimpulses.tumblr.com) and my ff account is [here](https://www.fanfiction.net/~palepinkimpulses) :)


	10. hallucinations of eyes and stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short update but at least it's something ╭( ･ㅂ･)و

An inkling of confusion and uneasiness prickled in the back of Kageyama’s murky head. _I am protective, and I_ mean _protective, of my books. I keep them in the best condition possible and make sure it isn’t damaged, not even a small tear in the paper covering or gods forbid, the bending of the book spine…_ He shuffled his feet under the covers and adjusted the pillows under him because they were giving him an uncomfortable crick in his neck. He threw his head back down onto the pillow, hair flopping messily under him, let out a sigh, and stared up at the dark blue ceiling, which was pitch-black without light; the only luminescence in his bedroom was a small nightlight in the corner. His vision swirled with shades of indigo and black as his thoughts wandered, and mentally conjured stars suddenly winked back at him from the midnight ceiling, randomly sparking silver and gold. Kageyama blinked once, twice, mesmerized ( _What’s that glittering from? It’s so beautiful)_ , and soon enough, the twinkling transformed into something he knew all too well: soft but simultaneously bright glints of hazel brown eyes. _What?_ “!!” Kageyama’s breath quickened for a moment, and he stared up at the ceiling until his neck hurt, even though he knew that his imagination and exhaustion were just messing around with his sense of reality. But, he couldn’t stop staring…

Until his vision blurred and he could vaguely feel his heavy eyelids slowly gliding shut. _Oh crap am I really that tir---_

* * *

 

“Mffhmmmm.”  Kageyama groaned, and rolled over on his bed, burrowed deep into his blanket cocoon. He blearily rubbed his eyes. _Why did I wake up?_  He usually slept like a rock, so he almost never could be aroused from slumber without at least three alarms, each set seven minutes apart (and with increasingly rude alarm names, such as:  1. wake up 2. wake up you idiot 3. goddammit wake the fuck up you nerd). _What’s that uncomfortable lump under my back??_ With jelly fingers, he grabbed at the mysterious object from under him and peered at it in the darkness. _My red shark… plushie? Ouch, now my muscles in my right lower back are sore from that…_ He winced and rubbed his back. _What time is it…?_  Blindly reaching out his hand towards his nightstand, he managed to tug on the switch of his bedside lamp and clumsily sat up. Through his squinted eyes ( _it’s soo bright!),_ he noticed that the clock read 6:08 am. _It’s still early, I’ll go back to sleep…_ He yawned like a lion, stretched his arms up, and plopped down on his side onto his comfortable, cozy bed. But, something caught his eye on his nightstand. _Hmm?_ He reluctantly raised his head a fraction of an inch to investigate. _Oh, it’s The Messenger. _The gravitational pull  of his enticingly fluffy pillow on his heavy head was strong, but an even stronger unknown force compelled him to prop himself up against the headboard of his bed, which he did unceremoniously, and to gently take the book into his hands, laying it down on his lap. Kageyama just stared down at the cover. Though his mind felt groggy, seven clear thoughts surfaced in a simple, logical order from his mental ramblings from before:

  1. _I am protective of my books._
  2. _If I allow someone to borrow one, that probably means I trust them to handle it and take care of it._
  3. _Therefore, I trust Hinata enough to do that._
  4. _That is scary._
  5. _His book looks like it’s in quite impeccable condition._
  6. _This means that he also is very careful with his books._
  7. _And that he trusts me enough to take care of it._



Kageyama’s fingers cautiously grasped the front cover of The Messenger and opened it to the title page. **_Hinata Shouyou_** was written in the corner of the page in rainbow with neat and bubbly letters. His heart strangely lifting and his brain’s fog gradually dissipating, Kageyama flipped to the first chapter of the book, and began to read.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama has a shark plushie | ￣∀￣ | (I swear in some crossover fic he'd fall in love with Rin)  
> (I'm super excited to go to AnimeNEXT this weekend with my friends :D I'm really looking forward to it because it's my first con and my closet cosplay isn't half bad. hopefully)  
> Warning: next update may take a while. I have to take care of a lot of tedious and pointless schoolwork... Sowwy (o;TωT)o  
> ~
> 
> follow me on tumblr [here](http://www.palepinkimpulses.tumblr.com) and my ff account is [here](https://www.fanfiction.net/~palepinkimpulses) :)


	11. an invitation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm too lazy to write a long chapter hehe  
> Note: Ed Kennedy is from the Messenger. Heads up for some references to the books in future chapters.

_Today’s special: a caramel vanilla cake with chocolate frosting._ Kageyama poked a small fluffy piece of cake off the plate and brought the plastic fork to his lips. _Mmm._ The sweetness and scrumptiousness exploded across his tongue. He reached over across the table with his fork again to take another bite.

“Heyy, don’t eat it all!!” Hinata, who was resting his head on the edge of table reading The Book Thief balanced on his lap, looked up and frowned, but with a hint of playfulness dancing across his eyes. Kageyama frowned back at him and boldly stuffed a large piece of cake with extra frosting into his mouth, chewing purposefully.

“You’re the one who decided to just buy an extra-large slice instead of two smaller ones. Serves you right if you don’t get to eat it.” Kageyama said huffily between chews. He suddenly noticed the glaring red crease-mark on Hinata’s forehead from leaning on the table. “By the way, you should do something about your forehead. It’s weird.” Hinata immediately reached up his hand to his forehead, and his fingers traced the red bumps.

“Huhh? Was this from the table?? Is it bad?” Hinata flushed a bit in embarrassment as he rubbed his forehead.

Kageyama swallowed his cake and lied. “…Yeah, it actually is.” _Hey it’s revenge for how he always teases me! Make him uncomfortable for once. Ha._ “It’s so red and obvious and large—“

“Okay, okay, don’t look at mee!” whined Hinata. He grabbed his own fork and the cake plate from the table, folded up his legs onto the chair so he looked like a roly-poly, then spun around on his butt so his back faced Kageyama across the table. Slightly sulking and curled up in a ball, he nibbled away at the cake. Kageyama’s eyebrows slightly wrinkled in confusion and he bit his lip. _Is he actually mad? Or is he pretending? Wait if he is mad I should probably apologize, like for making him feel bad or self-conscious or something. But that’d look stupid if I apologize and he’s actually pretending… I still don’t really know how to act considerate of others. Can I say something not offensive out loud to other people???? Should I try?? Okay…_ Kageyama attempted to say something, but nothing came out. Another try, this time with a sharper intake of breath. Nope. Kageyama started to sweat nervously as he stared at the back of Hinata’s white and pastel pink striped shirt. _Hey his shirt sorta looks like a strawberry cake. Hold on this is not the time for this! Can you even offer an apology to the only person you actually hang out with? What’s wrong with you?_ But he still couldn’t. Frustrated, he involuntarily let out a choked, garbled sound from this throat, and Hinata spun back around on his butt to investigate “What was that noise?? Are you okay? Anyways, ha! I was joking just now. Here’s the cake!” He smiled, set the plate back onto the table, and wiped his mouth with his hand. “I did eat some though. Hm?” Hinata curiously looked at Kageyama, who had not spoken a word, and whose eyes looked stormy and hazy. “What’s wrong?”

 _Sometimes, I’m so pitiful. I act so lonely and everything, but when people actually approach me, I can’t bring myself to even seem like I care, even though I actually do, I just don’t know how to show it. That’s why I’ve been alone for so long. Hinata’s just been a fluke; I wonder why he even hangs out with me. It’s already been a few months since we started doing this… How is HE able to interact with others so easily?_ “I’m pathetic.” Kageyama blurted out, then clapped his hand over his mouth. _Shut up!_

“What do you mean?” Hinata’s voice altered, and now an undertone of concern dusted his words.

“Never mind.” Kageyama purposely avoided eye contact with him and sank lower in his chair.

“Why would you say that?” Hinata persisted gently, still worried. _Oh my god he’s so worried about this I shouldn’t have said anything and let us do what we usually do, that peaceful cake eating and reading and shit._

“I’m Ed.” Words stumbled out his mouth. “I’m Ed Kennedy. Sometimes I feel so useless. Without a purpose. I don’t know how to form relationships with anyone. I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. ” Kageyama laughed self-deprecatingly, then stopped. _You don’t have to burden him with this. Just stop._ “But hey, it’s totally fine. It doesn’t matter. Haha, I lied!” Kageyama plastered on his usual, cool demeanor and nervously folded and unfolded his hands. His eyes darted up to Hinata’s face. Even though he usually wore his heart on his sleeve, his face was unreadable, and he seemed lost in thought. Kageyama swallowed nervously and blinked rapidly. _Did I just totally scare him away?_

“…Where’s your house?” Hinata asked, his expression returning to normal.

“…What?” _What did he just say??_

“I’m going to your house tonight. We’re having a sleepover. It’s gonna be awesomeee!”Hinata cheered and hopped out of his seat to gather his belongings and the cake ( _of course_ ). Kageyama’s jaw dropped and his eyeballs nearly popped out of his sockets, completely dumbstruck at Hinata’s sudden energy level change and the idea he just offered. _Excuse me? A sleepover? He just invited himself to my place???? Even though I said all that weird stuff? What’s wrong with him? We’ve just been meeting at the library and café and stuff, are we even on the level where we go to each other’s houses? I don’t know?!?!?!_ He inwardly sighed to himself. _He always somehow gets what he wants at the end… Sneaky bastard. I better give in sooner than later. I just have to make through the night._

“Fine, fine, fine. It’s already late.” Kageyama rubbed his eyes, defeated, collected his items into his bag, and slung it over his shoulder. “I’ll leave you behind if you don’t catch up.” With long, quick strides, he quickly walked from their study corner to the front entrance of the library and out the door. Behind him, he could hear a startled Hinata scrambling to catch up while eating cake. The glass doors quietly slid open, and Kageyama stepped outside. The late-spring sun hung low on the horizon, haphazardly casting streaks of shadow and glimmers of golden-orange everywhere. A small voice whispered to him in the back of his mind as he was distracted by these rays dancing across the sidewalk in front of him. _Why did he suggest coming over to your house so suddenly?_

“Kageyamaaaa, don’t leave me behind! Oi!” Kageyama vaguely heard the automatic doors open and shut, and Hinata ran up next to him and complained. “Geez, the librarian yelled at me for running inside!”

“Whatever, we’re going now.” Kageyama groaned, shaken out of his daze, and started walking down the sidewalk, Hinata keeping pace with him.

_Is it because of his just random bursts of ideas?_

“Hey, psst, can I eat the rest of the cake?” Hinata whispered next to him, He stared down at the plate in his hands longingly.

_Or is it because he did it to cheer you up?_

“…Knock yourself out.”

“Yay, thanks Kageyamaa.” Hinata grinned widely and started to dig in, chewing eagerly. “Mmmm.”

“…It’s nothing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you fellow fangirls don't get too excited because Hinata's sleeping over, if you know what I mean. ;) *That* won't happen, the two still have to figure out their feelings... ya nerds.
> 
> follow me on tumblr [here](http://www.palepinkimpulses.tumblr.com) and my ff account is [here](https://www.fanfiction.net/~palepinkimpulses) :)


	12. look at the lint (sleepover part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something I discovered: some things that can make a sad day happy is 1) writing 2) watching the merman anime 3) texting your friends 4) going on tumblr to find out same-sex marriage is legalized in all fifty states  
> Anyways, this is one of my longest chapters (I think?) so enjoy! :) thank you all for 100 kudos! wow you guys are so kind and amazing! (*´-｀*)

“Hmmm-mmmmm~” Hinata hummed soft tunes under his breath as they walked up the front steps to Kageyama’s apartment building door. Kageyama stuck his hand in his pocket and took out his blue passcard, swiping it across the sensor pad on the door handle. “Beep.” The door clicked, and Kageyama tugged the door open; the detectors sensed the movements, and the lights flickered on.

“I’m on the second floor. Let’s take the stairs.” Kageyama said out loud. _In an elevator, it would be totally silent and I wouldn’t be able to handle the awkwardness._ Hinata bobbed his head up and down in agreement.

“Kay.” _This is super awkward oh god._ Right in front of them was a small open area with two elevators on each wall, a door to the staircase in the back, and hallways leading to first-floor apartments ran off to the right and left. They walked forward to the staircase and up two flights of stairs to the second floor. Turn right and take twenty steps; now they were standing in front of Kageyama’s apartment door. Hinata was still humming to himself and swinging his bag side to side to the beat. Ignoring this, Kageyama dug out a set of keys from his pocket and clumsily fiddled around with it in his hands for a good fifteen seconds before finally finding the right one. _Whoa calm down it’s okay, he didn’t notice anything._ After sticking the key into the lock and jiggling it around, he pushed the door open and reached over to the wall to flip on the light switches. He stepped inside and turned around towards Hinata, gesturing robotically with his arms.

“Um, this is my apartment.” It was rather small, but he preferred to call it cozy. To the left was the living-slash-family room with the sofa, a coffee table, an electronic keyboard folded up against the sofa, and a TV. To the right was the dining room and a door leading off to the kitchen. If you walked straight ahead, it lead to the bathroom, and a bedroom was on the right and left of that. Well, technically, the left one was supposed to be a bedroom, but since Kageyama lived by himself, he decided to just use that room as a workroom with a small desk and lamp, a book storage, and a place to put random stuff.

Kageyama glanced over at Hinata, who had stopped humming and had stepped into the apartment. He was grinning. “It’s really nice!”

“Ah, thanks.” Kageyama cleared his throat. “So, you wanna put your stuff down on the couch? We can watch something on TV.”

“Okayy.” Hinata took off his shoes and slid on the hardwood floor with fuzzy socks over to the sofa, almost colliding into it. He laughed and plunked himself down onto the cushions. “Could I turn on the TV?”

Kageyama had not moved from his previous spot and had just been staring at Hinata the whole time ( _pull yourself together)._ Startled, he blurted, “Sure!” without even knowing what he had just asked, and quickly walked over to the sofa to sit down. Hinata grabbed the remote from the coffee table and started surfing through the channels, reading the channel and show descriptions closely as he did so. Kageyama wasn’t really paying attention… _Okay I’m sitting next to him. This isn’t too bad right? Shit, he just squirmed around and shifted closer a bit… if he gets any closer he might accidentally touch me???_ He tensed and tried to condense himself into the smallest space possible by sitting up straight and squeezing his legs together.

“Ohh! I like this show!” Hinata exclaimed, and he used the remote to turn up the volume. “Hey, hey, is this okay?”

Kageyama blinked and focused on the TV screen. Cartoon Network… a Steven Universe marathon had just started. _I’ve heard about that show online, but I never watched it._ “I guess so? I’ve never watched it before,” he said.

“It’s really funny! You remind me of Pearl.” Hinata snickered to himself. Kageyama’s eyes narrowed.

“Was that an insult? Let me see this _Pearl._ ” Kageyama crossed his arms and leaned back on the sofa, ready to watch to see _who this Pearl is._

* * *

 

(Approximately eighty minutes later)

“I am so NOT like Pearl.” Kageyama stubbornly stated.

“Ehh? But you are exactly like her!” protested Hinata.

“She’s all graceful and a _ballerina._ I’m totally not like that.”

“Well you are…naggy like Pearl sometimes.” Hinata’s voice trailed off so Kageyama could barely hear.

“What am I?” Kageyama threatened. _Oh you’re in treacherous territory._

“You’re-you’re smart and strong like Pearl! Yeah! Heh, heh.” Hinata laughed nervously and rubbed the back of his neck. “Please don’t hit me.”

 _Oh. I’d never do that because I’m angry._ “I won’t, I would never. A-Anyway, I’ll go get us something to eat, it’s sorta late.” Kageyama quickly covered up his few genuine words with the suggestion for food. He stood up and ambled over to the kitchen, muscles all cramped from curling up on the couch.

He heard Hinata hesitate, and then say sincerely, “Okay, thank you.” _Did he hesitate because of what I just said? …Nah._ Kageyama pulled a frozen tomato and cheese pizza flatbread out of the freezer and popped it into the oven. He grabbed two Sprite cans from the fridge and a jumbo bag of popcorn from his pantry, then walked back to the living room. He set them down on the coffee table. _Oh, it’s dark outside._ Maneuvering around the table and trying not to block the TV, he reached over to the window and pulled the curtains shut. _There._ Sitting back down and stretching out his arms, he glanced at Hinata. His eyes were glued to the screen as he sipped Sprite and ate popcorn. _He sure got to the food quick, considering how absorbed he is in the story._ Kageyama’s eyes flickered back to the TV, just in case Hinata noticed him looking.

* * *

 

“This is soo delicious!” Hinata’s cheeks flushed with happiness as he hungrily munched on a slice of flatbread. “Mmm! Thank you!”

 _He’s praising me??_ “It was store-bought, I just put it in the oven, nothing much.” Kageyama muttered. He looked down at his lap, becoming extremely interested in examining the grooves on his palms.

“Still, I don’t get food like this. At my place, Noya always ends up making something gross and sets the fire alarm off.” Hinata laughed between mouthfuls of pizza.

 _Noya? Oh right, he mentioned a roommate before._ “Ah.” Kageyama had nothing to say, so he just took a huge bite of his flatbread slice to avoid his obligation to fill the silence. _Do I feel bothered?_

* * *

 

“…Don’t get pizza on my sofa.” Kageyama warned as he saw Hinata eating rather messily out of the corner of his eye.

“Sorry, I’ll be careful, I’ll clean my hands.” Hinata promised, and brought his hands to his mouth.

“…Don’t lick your fingers!!! Are you a cat???” Kageyama whipped his head around and berated him.

“Sorry, sorry! It’s just convenient!” Hinata explained and held up his ( _dirty!)_ hands in surrender.

“Ughh, fine!” Kageyama stomped over to the dining room, snatched up the tissue box on the table, went back to the living room, and tossed the box aggressively into Hinata’s lap. “Use a tissue for goodness’ sake!”

Hinata plucked a tissue from the box and wiped his hands. He looked over to Kageyama on his left, who had sat down, and stuck out his tongue playfully. “Thank you~”

“Tch. Pay attention to hygiene.” Kageyama humphed. _You’re welcome._

* * *

 

Hinata flopped back onto the sofa and stared up at the ceiling, rubbing his dry eyes. _He’s unconsciously moving closer??_ Kageyama discreetly scooted over to the left a few centimeters, but ended up with the TV remote under his butt and turned off the TV with his supreme butt muscles. _Whoops! At least it was at commercial._ Hinata propped himself up, leaning back on his elbows. He didn’t seem to care. “Do you want to do something else? My eyes feel really heavy.” He yawned loudly.

Kageyama pulled the remote out from under him and set it back on the table. He frowned at Hinata and replied, for lack of any other idea, “Okay.” _But I’ve never really had people over to my place before? I don’t really have anything to entertain guests or whatever. Ughh._

“What else do you have here? Hmm.” Hinata scrunched his face thoughtfully and swiveled his head back and forth, scanning the room. His eyes locked on the electronic keyboard leaning against the side of the sofa near Kageyama. “That!!” He pointed enthusiastically. The faint traces of fatigue disappeared from his eyes.

Kageyama followed his gaze to the keyboard. _What does he want with that? Does he know how to play? I don’t want to bother the neighbors… But screw it, I have nothing else to do._ “You want the keyboard?” He asked Hinata skeptically. Hinata nodded vigorously.

“…” Kageyama sighed and stood up from the sofa with great effort ( _I felt so comfortable too),_ then reached out his hand as far as he could to grab the keyboard. With a huff, he brought it back to his seat, plugged it in, and set up the stand in front of them. He plonked down on the sofa and exhaled, turning to look at Hinata expectantly. _Does he want to play a piece?_ He didn’t anticipate Hinata to be staring back at him with the same expression ( _it’s just more wide-eyed and slightly cuter?)._ “Why are you looking at me like that?” He asked defensively.

“I’m waiting for you to play something, of course!” Hinata replied, surprised.

 _Huh?_ “Didn’t YOU want to play around on the piano?” Kageyama shot back.

“I don’t know really know how to play.” Hinata shrugged and casually took a sip of his Sprite.

“Uhh…” Kageyama rubbed his head, annoyed. “I haven’t played in a while… I do know some popular songs though.”

“Let’s hear it! Woo!” Hinata clapped his hands and cheered. _Am I allowed to protest against such support? That would probably come across as rude._ Kageyama reluctantly brought his hands to the keyboard and pressed “on”. He began to play…

“Oohh! I know this one! I used to ruulleee, the world~, seas would rise when I gave the word-“

“Hey, keep your voice down! I have neighbors, you know!”

“And in the morning I sleep~ alone, sweep the streets I used to knowwww…” Hinata started to wave his arms like he was at a concert. Kageyama groaned, but finished the song anyway.

* * *

 

“And allll of me! Loves, alllll of you! All your curves and all your edges, all your perfect imperfections~” Hinata belted out as he clapped and shook his head with closed eyes to the beat. Kageyama secretly looked over at him, his nimble fingers familiar enough with the keys that he never missed a note. “And I give you allllll of meeeee!” Hinata’s voice cracked at the high note, and he giggled to himself. Kageyama’s heart seemed to skip a beat, messing up his rhythm, so he frantically turned back towards the keyboard to keep up, blushing furiously. _Whoa whoa there what’s getting me so riled up?_

* * *

 

The last chord lingered for a few seconds after Kageyama gracefully ( _it’s just my inner performer okay)_ lifted up his hands from the keys and folded his hands on his lap. Hinata was quiet for a rare moment ( _he probably sensed the sensitivity and the dreamlike bubble that surrounds a song and didn’t want to disturb this shrine to intangible beauty. Okay I’m being way too dramatic. Stop it self.),_ but then he whisper-chirped like a baby bird. “Could you play the [Steven Universe opening](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PfKUdmTq2MI) [on the piano](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v9W8cG4qOPc&feature=youtu.be)?”

Kageyama shrugged. “I could look it up online and sight-read it.” _I’m still a bit rusty though._

“Whoaa that’s so cool!” Hinata exclaimed in wonder. “How do you even do that?”

“That’s like asking you how you draw so easily.” Kageyama mumbled under his breath. ( _That was a bit flattering though whoa)_ He pulled out his phone from his pocket and quickly found and opened a link to the sheet music. He pinched the screen to zoom in, set the phone on the stand, and hesitantly started to play out the melody and chords while squinting at his phone ( _just without so many of the chords)._ He struggled through it, but the fingering still felt unfamiliar and awkward, and his rhythm was off. He scowled at himself.

“Hey, that was pretty—“

Kageyama held up a finger to shush Hinata. _Hush I am working now._ His finger nearly poked Hinata’s nose. Hinata went cross-eyed and leaned backwards to dodge his hand. “Heyy, I got it, got it.” He stuck out his tongue.

Kageyama didn’t notice; he sight-read through the piece again. And again. And again, and again, and again. On his seventh time playing it, he finally was able to keep the tempo and figure out the fingering. _So I haven’t completely lost my touch. Oh yeah._ Kageyama cracked his neck and turned to glare at Hinata, who had started throwing his throw pillows out of boredom. “Oi, stop that. I finally learned the theme!” An inflection of pride slipped through in his tone. _I should’ve sounded more threatening dammit_

“Yay! Sorry, I’ll stop.” Hinata sheepishly placed the pillows back down and looked attentively at him, ready to listen.

“…” _D, B, A, G, A, F sharp…_ The simple but catchy melody rang in his ears. Kageyama played it the best that he could, trying not to let any fingers slip carelessly. They felt weirdly sweaty and clumsy. _Careful... get that rhythm right. There!_ He finished with a flourish of his hands and inwardly smiled. _Woo I did it_

“Oh my god wowww! That was amazing. I really liked it!” _Psh it was nothing but thanks._ Play it again!!” Hinata’s eyes sparkled, and he put his hands together in a begging motion. “Pleaseeeee?” Once Kageyama saw his face, he knew he wouldn’t be able to deny him, because _he literally looks like a puppy begging for a treat, tail wagging and ears all perked up. He could really exercise this power if he wanted to. That’s frightening to think about though_

“Mmmhmmm.” Kageyama begrudgingly agreed. He placed his hands over the keys again, fingers loose and wrists steady.

“I’m gonna sing while you’re playing!” Hinata cheered and wiggled in his seat.

“…Suit yourself.” Kageyama pressed down on the keyboard for the first chord.

“Weeee… are the Crystal Gems ( _oh no)_

We’ll always save the day, ( _he stood up? He’s dancing??)_

And if _you_ think we can’t ( _he’s pointing to me)_

We’ll always find a way! ( _he just gave me a thumbs up)_

That’s why the people of.. this… world… ( _okay. Hand gestures)_

believe in

Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl~ ( _he tried doing their voices. That was atrocious)_

And STEVEN!”

Hinata shouted and did super-jazzy jazz hands. “Ta-daa! Whooo!” He collapsed onto the sofa and grinned. “That was fun.”

A tiny smile tugged on Kageyama’s lips. He raised his hand over his mouth to cover it. _Nope you’re not smiling that was definitely NOT fun_

“Could I play it with you? If that’s possible?” Hinata cocked his head to the side curiously.

 _He wants to play it?_ “I thought you couldn’t play the piano?”

“I learned some basic note-reading and piano stuff back in middle school. But it’ll be fun if we do it together?”

 _IS that why he wants to do it?_ “How exactly would that work, though?” Kageyama asked himself. _Hmm. I must prove my thinking and analytical abilities. The rhythm for the melody is a little tricky. There are only four chords, just repeated again for the left hand. I can simplify them to two notes and I guess he could play it then?_ Kageyama took his phone from the stand and looked at the chords. _So first is D and G, then D sharp and F sharp, then E and G, then D sharp and G. Play each of those chords again, then play the first chord again, then the song is over. Yes, okay… Now, how to explain this to Hinata?_ He glanced over his shoulder and flinched when he saw Hinata leaning right next to him, taking a peek at his phone screen. He almost bonked foreheads with him. _AHHHHH._ Kageyama jumped a little in his seat and cleared his throat. “Ahem.” Scooching backwards a little, and with a commanding voice, he ordered Hinata, “Get in front of the piano and get your hands ready.”

“Got it.” Hinata replied seriously. To get to the keyboard, he scooted over to the left until the two were practically brushing thighs. _Oh my lord what I didn’t mean that! Now I’m too far from the keyboard._ Kageyama swallowed nervously, quickly stood up to move to the right side of Hinata ( _good we’re not touching),_ and continued his instructions.

“So, this is how it’s gonna work.” He barked. “You’re playing the chords. There are four, you repeat them, then you play the first one. Okay?”

“Yessir.” Hinata said with a teasing smile.

“Shut up. Each chord is just two notes, so just play each note with your pointer finger of each hand. Hold each for four beats. First is D and G.” Kageyama pointed to the keys, his fingers wobbly, trying not to accidentally brush against Hinata’s hands. Hinata moved his fingers to the keys and pressed down on them with vigor.

“Like this?”

“Yeah. Count for four. Good. Now, for the next one, move your fingers closer to each other by one key each, so they’re on the black keys for D sharp and F sharp.” A clumsy B flat minor chord rang throughout the room. _Hey he’s pretty quick at figuring this stuff out._ “Okay, now move each one up by one key.” _C major._ Hinata jabbed at the keys.

“Is this right?” He asked, uncertain.

“…Yeah.” _Ugh he actually is._ “Now left hand down one key, the right stays the same.” _He got it._ “And to the original position, left hand down one key again. Basically, start out with this position. We’ll call it ‘down’ position. Then move inside, both up, down position. Got it?”

“Wait wait wait! I gotta practice, I’m not as good as you.” Hinata protested. He tried again. “Let’s see. Um, down, inside, up, down.  Down, inside, up, down. Then down again, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Kay, lemme try again. Down, inside, up, down. Down, inside, up, down. Down.” He frowned uncertainly at Kageyama. “Is that right?”

 _Damn he actually learned that really quickly?? He doesn’t even know how to play but he remembers the pattern and everything. Wow. Ugh I’m annoyed now._ “Yeah, that’s right.” Kageyama flapped his hand casually. “Let’s play it together now.”

“Ehh, are you sure I’m ready?”

“Of course, it’s fine, just follow the tapping of my foot. Each time, play it for four taps of my foot, then change to the next chord.”

“Okay!” Hinata rubbed his hands together in anticipation. “I can do this!”

“Start after three.” Kageyama reached his left hand to the keyboard, their wrists brushing. His arm tingled, and a shiver traveled up his arm and into his brain, rattling it around. _Whattt was thatttt?????_

“O-oone, tw-o, thr—ee.” He shakily counted as he tried to get his brain to stop freaking out.

“We…” Hinata pressed down on the notes and started to sing while Kageyama played the melody and tapped his foot (and got his brain under control). “…are the Crystal Gems/We’ll always save the day/And if you think we can’t/we’ll always find a way!” _He’s playing everything… perfectly, actually. Curse his ability to pick up talents and skills so easily._ “That’s WHY the people OF THIS WORLD…” Hinata grinned. “Believe in! Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl, and STEVENN!!” He repeatedly poked at the D and G keys. “Whooo!” _That was really good? But his banging is hurting my ears agh._ Kageyama pressed the “off” button, and the incessant repetition of the keys was abruptly cut off. Hinata whined. “Awww.” _Thank the lord._ He took a deep breath and put his hands in his lap in preparation of what he was going to say. _‘Hinata, you actually weren’t bad. You were good. Good job.’ Or something like that._

“Hinata, you were—“ He began.

“Kageyama!” Hinata interrupted. “You were really amazing! That melody seems complicated and the rhythm, too. It was really cool to play the background music while you did that!” Hinata bounced up and down on the soft cushions of the sofa as if to emphasize his enthusiasm, completely recovering from his brief moment of sadness.

 _Oh my lord he complimented me. That’s not fair, I was going to compliment him first! I am now in debt compliment-wise. But would it be cheesy to just say it now? But if I don’t I seem like an ungrateful shit. Okay, I’ll say it._ “Youwerealsoreallygreatforsomeonewhodoesntknowhowtoplayitwasactuallysortofcool.” Kageyama tried to turn his head to look at Hinata, but ended up staring very hard at a piece of lint on his right shoulder, blushing fiercely. _Crap I must look so red._ His eyes flitted up to Hinata’s face for a split second, and met a sight he had never seen before.

Hinata BLUSHING. As in pink dimples, his small mouth in an “o” in surprise, his eyelashes batting shyly. _Okay maybe that’s a little exaggerated but OH MY GOD_

“Th-thanks!” Hinata tripped on his words. “Thank you.” He lowered his gaze, unable to make eye contact with Kageyama. _Okay now we both are embarrassed and we can’t look at each other NOW WHAT I NEED HELP. Okay, breathe._ Kageyama directed his eyes at the lint. _Lint? There’s lint. Look at the lint. Good. Lint._ _Speaking of lint, I need to buy a lint roller. And do laundry. Speaking of laundry, I have to wash my pajamas soon. I only have one clean one left. Pajamas? I have to shower. YES I NEED TO SHOWER THAT’S THE ANSWER_

“I NEED TO SHOWER!” He whisper-shouted. His lips felt dry. _Wait that sounded wrong._ “I mean, like I don’t NEED-need to shower, I don’t smell bad or anything, I just like maintaining personal hygiene.” Hinata’s gaze flicked up to his eyes for a second in surprise. Kageyama felt like slapping himself. _Kill me now. Put me out of my misery. Please._ “Hey, you know, I’ll just take a shower now. Yeah. And you know, I have this room with books and stuff. It’s to the right of the bathroom. There.” Still not looking straight at Hinata, Kageyama waved his hand in the direction of his bedroom-turned-study-slash-book-room. “Feel free, you know, to check it out. And stuff. Yeah. I’ll be leaving now. ‘Kay.” Kageyama stood up with wobbly knees and gawkily stumbled forward to the bathroom, willing himself not to glance back at Hinata on the sofa. _I will not look back. I CANNOT look back._ His hand grasped the silver door handle, twisted it open, and forcefully shut the door behind him. _Phew._ Letting out the breath he had been holding in, he leaned back against the door, his legs giving way and causing him to slide down to the floor. The coolness of the door brushing against his neck did nothing to cure the hotness of his cheeks.

 _Calm down. Nothing bad is happening, I’m not in danger, it’s okay. Everything’s fine. Why don’t I just take a shower and cleanse myself of these mixed up thoughts and emotions? Good plan. Yeah._ With unsteady hands, he pushed himself off the floor and walked over to the shower to turn the water on. Out of the corner of his right eye, he caught a glimpse of his face in the mirror as he walked by. He only saw mussed up black hair, trembling lips, and red cheeks. _Very red. Tomato red._ Kageyama casted his eyes downward once more, trying to block what he looked like from his memory. _I did not look like that NOPE_

* * *

 

Kageyama opened the bathroom door on his fifth try. He kept trying to, but what had happened previously kept crossing his mind and caused him to withdraw his hand from the door handle. _You know, I can just go out there and act like nothing happened and everything will proceed smoothly, or I can go out there and act like a bumbling idiot and just ruin everything. Do you want that to happen? No. Then I’ll just exit casually._ With a sudden burst of confidence, he yanked the door open, all comfy and clean in his last set of clean sleepwear, a navy blue shirt and a pair of black loose drawstring shorts. A few droplets of water dripped down from his hair and trickled down his neck, dotting his shirt. He wiped them away absentmindedly.

 _Where is he?_ Kageyama didn’t see him on the sofa. _Oh wait, I told him he could look at my book room._ Sure enough, he saw Hinata in that room when he looked to his left, the door ajar. He was bending over the desk and reading something. _He looks really absorbed. Wait a second… Can that be????_ Heartrate rapidly increasing, he fast-walked into the room, his face twisted in horror as he confirmed what Hinata was reading on the desk.

_It’s my… fanfiction notebook._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recently caught up with Steven Universe.  
> I also learned the opening theme on the piano.  
> I thought of that Romione scene when Hermione is shown teaching Ron "Fur Elise" at 12 Grimmauld Place when I wrote this ^_^  
> ~
> 
> follow me on tumblr [here](http://www.palepinkimpulses.tumblr.com) and my ff account is [here](https://www.fanfiction.net/~palepinkimpulses) :)


	13. Fanfiction, forgiveness, and friendship (sleepover part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trying not to write ooc is a big pain (and I just am realizing my ooc mistakes because I just rewatched haikyuu. cRIES)  
> it's also super late but here I am again

Kageyama felt like curling up in a ball on the floor and dying. Head swimming with vertigo, he gripped the edge of the desk to keep himself from falling over and cracking his head open. _Oh my god he’s reading my fanfiction planning and writing. I must’ve accidentally left it out on the desk what should I do???_ His defense mechanisms immediately kicked in.

“Don’t read that!!!!!!!! Don’t you know how to respect people’s privacy??” Kageyama took a step forward and yelled angrily in an explosion of overflowing emotions. _I hate it when people read my writing in person._ His lip quivered, but he set his mouth in a straight line. Hinata took a few steps back, surprised by his outburst.

“I’m sorry, it was just lying there—“ Hinata began.

“Don’t do that. Journals are really personal, even if it’s just sitting there _doesn’t mean you should read it._ It’s someone’s private thoughts, okay?!” Kageyama said in a heated voice. He took the open notebook, carefully closed it, and clutched it tightly in his two hands. _My writing…_ He glared at Hinata, ready to lecture him some more, but his iciness began to thaw, just a tiny bit, when he saw his face. Wide, watery eyes directed ashamedly at the floor, slouched shoulders, an apologetic drooping of the corners of his lips, fidgeting hands. _He actually looks really sorry. Was I too harsh? Did I overreact? But I AM correct. But still… why do I feel so guilty? Even though I am right about this?_

“I’m sorry.” Hinata looked up at Kageyama with his sad gaze, directly piercing his eyes. “I understand… I have a private sketchbook too, and I wouldn’t want anybody to look at that either. I apologize. I was being rude. I won’t do it again.” He cast his eyes downwards once more.

 _Oh. He apologized so straightforwardly (it’s kinda strange) and does seem sorry. He seems like the type of person to be very honest and keep promises and all that._ Kageyama let out a breath. _I should calm down. No use holding onto a grudge. I guess everything is okay now… EXCEPT THAT HE MAY HAVE READ MY FANFICTION PLANNING._

“Thank—I mean, you’re welc—I mean, it’s okay.” Kageyama spoke quickly, anger beginning to die out. “I was just wondering, um…” Hinata cocked his head, raptly listening, albeit in a shier manner than usual. “ifyourddmystff.” He mumbled.

“Sorry, um, what did you say?” Hinata asked quietly.

“If.. you.. read… my… stuff…” Kageyama gripped his notebook so tightly that his knuckles turned white. He squeezed his eyes shut. “I’ll-ll kill you if you did!!!” He threatened.

“…I glanced over the page it was open at, that’s it.” Hinata pressed his hands together in a praying gesture. “I’m not lying, I swear!” He took another wobbly step back as Kageyama opened his eyes to scrutinize his face closely, seeing if he was being truthful.  

“Really??” He bored down on him with his signature, super creepy scowl.

“I promise. And your writing was amazing! I only looked at it because I saw that you were writing… um…  Gilcyne fanfiction. It was so good, I couldn’t help myself.” Hinata raised his hands in defense again. “I truly mean it.”

 _Is he trying flattery to get out of this? But he seems like he’s being sincere. So he likes my writing? Really? Wait but I don’t need his approval or anything. Whatever._ Kageyama’s grip on the notebook loosened slightly, and he fiddled around with the bent page corners. “Ah. Thanks… I guess.”

“Um, if you don’t mind me asking, what is it called?” Hinata asked cautiously.

“I don’t want to talk about it too much. And, it’s, um… called… ‘a bright victory’.” He rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. “So, you should probably shower now—“

“NO. WAY.” Hinata’s jaw dropped open. “YOU write that fic? I knew it looked familiar. That’s like the most popular Gilcyne fanfiction online!!! You never told me you were fanfiction-famous! That’s so cool!!! Oh wait,” He paused, just having registered Kageyama’s comment before, “I won’t talk about it anymore if you don’t want to. I just want to let you know, I’m one of your biggest fans! I love your writing! Okay, I’ll go shower now. Thanks for letting me use your bathroom!” Hinata skipped out of the room, as energetic as ever.

Kageyama just stood there, mind jumbled with random thoughts about forgiving and writing and showering and notebooks. His heart surged and swelled with a strange happiness, and he let himself smile and his cheeks turn a slight pink. _Someone said they like my writing. They enjoy my story. This is what makes me continue writing, but to hear it in person and not just online… Wow. And even though he’s always so nosy, he did listen to my request to stop talking about it. Thank you for that. I still need time before I can freely talk about stuff like this._ After indulging in this sweet moment of cheeriness for a few seconds ( _I’m not **that** optimistic)_, he shook himself awake and grabbed a spare towel, a t-shirt, and comfy shorts ( _I think they shrunk in the wash),_ a cup, and an extra toothbrush.Kageyama deposited these items in front of the bathroom door. “I left, um, some, stuff for you in front of the door! Take it or leave it!” He called gruffly over the pitter-patter of the shower water. _Can he hear me?_

“Okayyy!” He heard Hinata call back. _Now that’s sorted out, I should probably get out a pillow and blanket for him to sleep. He can take my bed, I’ll take the couch.. Come to think of it, I don’t even know how he convinced me to have a sleepover. It was all a blur, I have no idea._ He sighed and walked back into his own bedroom. _That idiot. Anyway, I’ll just dig through my closet for stuff… But I should close the door, In case I see him naked when he needs to grab the stuff I left him after he showers…_ Kageyama slapped himself before his mind could go any further on the subject. _STOP. Let’s just look through the closet, okay? Don’t be crazy._

* * *

 

Twelve minutes later, he had found an extra pillow, a light blanket, a sleeping bag, and an old teddy bear for possible sleeping items, and a flattened-head Hinata was standing at his door in a baggy t-shirt and shorts. His dampened hair reduced its fluffiness factor, and his too-big apparel made his frame look even thinner and smaller _and… cuter?_ Kageyama stared at him, mesmerized by _his dripping hair and too-loose clothing and moist skin and lips_ , for only a second, before he tore his eyes away. _Stop staring, you’ll look like a weirdo._

“I’m done showering! I left all the towel and toothbrush stuff in the bathroom, is that okay?” Hinata said cheerily, oblivious to Kageyama’s inner turmoil.

“Oh. Oh yeah! That’s fine. Um, it’s sorta late, so I’ll be heading to the sofa now. Good night. Yeah…” Kageyama stuttered and hurriedly took the extra pillow and blanket, trying to escape. But Hinata grabbed him by the arm before he could leave. His small baby-soft fingers clenched gently around his forearm, which seemed to have lost all strength. _Goddammit_

“Where are you going?” Hinata asked, confused.

“To the sofa?” Kageyama replied casually.

“What am I supposed to do then?”

“Sleep on the bed, obviously.”

“But that doesn’t make any sense! Shouldn’t the host at least sleep in his own bed? I’ll take the sofa.” Hinata replied firmly.

“No, since I’m the host here, let me make the decisions. _You_ will sleep in the bed. _I_ will take the sofa.” Kageyama insisted, crossing his arms. _I may seem rude, but I_ do _have manners and courtesy about hospitality and shit._

“TOO BAD!” In a swift motion, Hinata snatched the pillow and blanket from Kageyama’s loosened grasp and dashed to the living room, cackling evilly. “MWAHAHA TAKE THAT KAGEYAMA!”

 _That bastard. Two can play at this game, buddy._ Kageyama grabbed his own pillow and sleeping bag, switched off the lights, and ran into the living room. A giggling Hinata was lying on the sofa, his head buried in the pillow and his body wrapped up in the blanket like a cocoon. Kageyama slammed the light switches off and dragged the coffee table off to the side. Hinata rolled over at his loud movements. “Hey, what are you…?” Kageyama ignored him and laid out his sleeping bag on the carpet parallel to the sofa, approximately three feet away. _I can’t be too close._ Humphing, he climbed into it and laid his head on his pillow. He stared up at the dark ceiling, determinedly not staring at Hinata. _My heart is sort of pounding because of moving around so quickly.. Shut up heart, it’s silent in here don’t make this more awkward._ He let out a breath as quietly as he could.

“Kageyama…?” Hinata whispered from over the edge of the sofa. “What are you doing?”

Even without looking, Kageyama could feel Hinata’s bright eyes staring right through him, glowing in the dark like a cat, digging into his soul _like that morning I lent him the book. That seems so long ago…_

“It’s my house. I can sleep wherever I want.” He whispered back angrily. The indigo darkness cleverly concealed his red face. Kageyama touched his cheek with his hand; it was searing hot. His fingers came away with a faint sizzling burn. _Dammit._

He heard a muffled laugh, and then, “Okay, Kageyama.” He could imagine the grin that was on his face. Slightly lopsided, toothy, and blinding, but endearing.

Then, quiet.

The silence settling around them, blanketing them with warmth, but it wasn’t stifling. Kageyama’s eyes fluttered shut, and he only could hear Hinata’s and his own soft breaths. Mind becoming hazy, his thoughts wandered to what he was thinking before.

_‘I don’t even know how he convinced me to have a sleepover.’_

_Why did he even want to have one?_

As he thought this, it automatically popped out of his mouth. “Hey, why did you want to come have sleepover? That's sorta weird.” Kageyama murmured sleepily, his eyes still closed.

“Aaaahhh…” Hinata drowsily yawned. _He..is probably tired… too._ “Ya know, you were all sad before, and talking about how you were pathetic?” His words struck Kageyama, and he felt more awake. _Hmm? Oh yeah, I remember._ “I wanted to cheer you up. Because you’re a cool and awesome person. Don’t let yourself think otherwise. Don’t insult yourself, because you don’t deserve it. You can find an ambition someday, but your purpose should just be doing what you enjoy for now, and living your life the way you want, the way you like it. Being who you want to be. That’s what I think anyway…” Hinata yawned again, a warm sigh escaping his lips. “And I’ll be here, if you need anything.”

_Cheer you up_

_Cool and awesome person_

_I’ll be here_

_If you need anything_

_I’LL BE HERE_

_IF YOU NEED ANYTHING_

**_I’LL BE HERE_ **

Hinata’s words ricocheted around in his mind, jarring his senses until everything in his head was a complete mess. _Well, now I’m completely awake._ Kageyama opened his eyes to only stare at the ceiling again. He couldn’t look at Hinata, not now. After what he had said… Kageyama tried to calm his breathing, which was growing louder with the quickening of his heartbeat. _He forced himself into my house, spent the entire night with me, talked with me, and reassured me… to make me feel better. Is that what friends do for each other?_ His heart thudding even louder, Kageyama felt something warm bloom in the depths of his chest, making it ache painfully. Something, he didn’t know what, prompted him to instinctively roll over to face Hinata and open his mouth to say something. _What-what am I doing??_ For a millisecond, he caught a glimpse of those shining, radiant eyes before Hinata’s eyelids slid shut and his breath evened out into small puffs. Like two dazzling stars, they’d winked out of sight. But they were still there.

 _How cliché. He fell asleep before I got to say anything cheesy back._ Kageyama thought with half-hearted sarcasm.

The three words he was going to say tumbled out from his mouth, clumsily ejected but softly landing and dispersing throughout the silence and the slight humidity and warmth in the air. “Thank you, Hinata.”

* * *

 

Kageyama woke up to a dull ache in his back and arm and blinding sunlight. _The curtains are open?_ Muttering, he reluctantly opened his eyes and squinted at his surroundings.

 _Where am I? Oh right, I’m on the floor because of the sleepover…_ Kageyama smacked his lips, his mouth tasting of sleep. He seemed to have rolled over in his sleep, sleeping bag and all, right up next to the side of the sofa, his arm sticking out awkwardly. _Ouch._ He gingerly propped himself up into a sitting position. _Hey, speaking of the sofa… where’s Hinata?_ Kageyama stared at the empty sofa for a moment, and immediately went into a panic. _Did he die? Was he kidnapped? Is he involved with the Mafia? OH MY GOD._ His lethargy completely gone, Kageyama leaped up frantically. All of Hinata’s belongings were gone, and the pajamas he’d lent him were also missing in action. He swiveled his head around, and a piece of paper on the dining room table caught his eye. _Hinata left that note?_ He dashed over there, grabbed the note, and read it.

_Kageyama! I have a small meeting for my summer job at 10 am, and I didn’t want to wake you! :P I’ll wash the pajamas and return them after. Oh, I also made some stuff, it’s in the kitchen. I used stuff from your fridge. Thanks for being a good host. Next time, I’ll properly return the favor! ;)_

Kageyama looked at the clock on the wall. _10:14 am? I slept a lot…_ His urgency gone, he walked over to the kitchen and saw an omelet on a plate, covered with plastic wrap, and a fresh pot of instant coffee on the counter. _Hmm I am pretty hungry. Might as well give it a shot._ He took out a fork and knife from the drawer, unwrapped the omelet, neatly cut off a piece, and stuck it in his mouth. _Mmmmmm…._ It was still hot, the kaleidoscope of flavors singing on his tongue. _The melted cheese, onions, honey ham, potato chunks… It’s glorious._ He swallowed hungrily and glanced at the note again.

_Next time, I’ll properly return the favor! ;)_

Taking another eager bite of the omelet, and thinking back to what Hinata had told him the previous night, Kageyama’s first, automatic thought was: _You don’t need to. You’ve already done more than enough for me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehe second allusion to [Romione](https://33.media.tumblr.com/bb6031a3b8e7b7d48681ea3709d4e36f/tumblr_ni14iwuAs21r0dhfso1_500.gif) ;) I bet they ended up sleeping like that. *fangirl-squeals*  
> (This isn't Haikyuu!! related but I'm so sad about KnB ending... *cries again*)  
> ~
> 
> follow me on tumblr [here](http://www.palepinkimpulses.tumblr.com) and my ff account is [here](https://www.fanfiction.net/~palepinkimpulses) :)


	14. shut up, me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama is very emotional and a freakin cutie.

Kageyama was now (reluctantly) aware of one fact: That bright-haired boy had become an inseparable part of his life. _Come to think of it, it’s hard to remember what it was like before I’d met him… I was a library loner that didn’t have any friends, that didn’t talk to anyone._ He laid his head down on his desk and stared cross-eyed at his open notebook until his eyes hurt. _Why am I even thinking about that? I need to plan this right now, don’t get distracted. Okay, I need to write something fluffy before bed, something to bridge the gap and further the relationship between Gil and Cyne._ Ignoring the desk lamp light burning his neck, his fingers clumsily grabbed the pen, ready to write on a fresh sheet of notebook paper. Kageyama’s planning wasn’t really proper organization; he just wrote down random phrases and sentences that went with the plot. _Cute, sweet things. Got it. Key words, adorable and lovey-dovey and all roses and cutesy and stuff._ He inhaled, exhaled, cleared his head, and random words quickly began to trickle into his mind. He started to jot them down and let his unshaped ideas flow onto the paper, before he could forget ( _I’ll figure out what it means later)_ …

**Found himself looking forward to meetings**

**Noticing little details; pale fingers glided over pages of a book, rosy cheeks, rising cheekbones, unique quirk of his pink lips-inside joke, holding inside a laugh**

**Conscious of himself-passing over coffee**

Kageyama scanned over the page and became confused. _Wait a sec._

_Pages of a book? They’re not really reading or anything… It’s an action, fantasy story with romance._

_Coffee? THIS IS NOT A COFFEE SHOP AU._

Kageyama sat up straight, his eyes darting over his messy words. _Reading and coffee. Reading and coffee. That’s familiar._ He felt a sinking in his stomach, and he gritted his teeth. _Pale fingers. Rosy cheeks. Rising cheekbones. Unique quirk of his pink lips. I’m writing about…_ Kageyama gripped the pen so hard, it left red indentations on his hands. His breathing turned erratic, and his mind turned to mush. _What’s happening to me?_ His eyes were glued to the notebook, the glaring white blinding him, the black ink blurring his vision and making him go dizzy. But he couldn’t tear his gaze away as he read over his words, over and over.

_I’m trying to write romantic fluff but I ended up unconsciously writing about me and… and **him.** Is that supposed to mean..?_

Pinpricks of pain shot through him, and Kageyama winced, dropping his pen with a clatter and pressing his hand to his chest. The room was spinning in a whirlwind around him.

 _Does this mean…_ More ideas kept flowing into his mind, urging him to write them down. With an unsteady hand, Kageyama retrieved the pen and began to write again, in small, hesitant handwriting. This time, he read along as he wrote.

**_‘Passing over the drink and shying away, flinching at his touch_ **

**_Accidentally brushing knees under the table_ **

**_All those awkward embarrassing moments_ **

**_Sleepover_ **

**_Playing the piano_ **

**_His eyes_ **

**_His face_ **

**_His laugh’_ **

Kageyama’s fingers fumbled, and his pen slipped out of his grasp.

_Does this mean…_

_I SHIP US? I LIKE HI- HI-- HINATA??_ The pain in his chest continued to throb, and he finally realized its cause. It wasn’t really a physical pain but a deep ringing throughout his body, a red sensation so intense that it shook his heart, his soul, his thoughts. _Am I… heartsick? I’m… in love?_

 _IN LOVE WITH HINATA?????_ Kageyama buried his face in his hands, overwhelmed with confusion and denial. He blinked once, and for a brief moment, saw the sparkle of Hinata’s eyes in the darkness of his eyelids. Another blink, faint orange the same shade as Hinata’s hair. Another, the glint of his smile. _I. Cannot. Frickin. Stop. Thinking. About. Him._

“UGHHHH!” Kageyama banged his head on the desk in sudden frustration, his sweaty palms clenched in fists. _Ow._

He rubbed his forehead a little too forcefully. _How did this happen? Why??? How??? WHyyyy?? It’s because of his frickin cute face and bubbly personality and adorable clumsiness isn’t it??? DAMMIT ALL TO HELL! I never thought that I could ever fall in love, especially with HIM! What am I supposed to do now?_

_…_

Kageyama suddenly stood up, pushing back his chair with a screech. His entire body felt like it was suspended in water, water slowly turning an inky black, suffocating him. His throat constricted.

_What… **am** I supposed to do now?_

_Should I just hide it? That’s impossible, I won’t be able to act normal around him._

_I surely can’t confess, that innocent, wide-eyed boy cannot possibly see me in a romantic light._

_That’s why I always felt so self-conscious and awkward whenever I saw him._

_That’s why I always blushed when he smiled or laughed._

_That’s why I kept thinking about him all the time._

_That’s why I secretly clung to him and didn’t want him to leave._

_That’s why I always thought he was cute._

_It’s because I like him. I’m such an idiot for not realizing. A true idiot._

_(Will these feelings go away soon?)_

Kageyama robotically took a step forward, but accidentally kicked a small pile of books over, one of the many random heaps lying haphazardly around the room. _Ouch._ He looked down at them with glazed eyes. _My romance… novels?_

“Ha. Ha.” He didn’t know why, but a chuckle escaped his lips into the tense atmosphere. He crouched down to push the books back into its pile. “Hahaha. AHAHAHA!” Kageyama laughed humorlessly with a cracked smile, just staring down at that small pile of books, his body quaking. _Why me? I’m not a love expert, I’m not even an amateur in this department! I’m a newbie, even though I’ve read and watched tons of romance stories. Shouldn’t I know what to do by now? Isn’t that ironic?_

A few stray tears leaked out of the corners of his eyes, tracing down his cheeks and dripping down onto his collarbone. _Why am I crying?_ With shaky legs, Kageyama pushed himself back up into a standing position. He lifted his sleeve to his face to pat away the wetness in detached, jerky motions. _Why…?_

 _Your emotions are suddenly being swept out of you, they’re overflowing._ A voice whispered to him. _What are you going to do about it? You **can** do something._

Kageyama hung his head and stared down at his slippers, his face moist. _What am I going to do about it?_

He thought of his romance stories. _All those books and movies. They always have the main character convey their feelings to their love dramatically, with a lot of crying and pink backgrounds and shit. So if this were to proceed like that, I’d have to con—_ Kageyama coughed. _Con—conf—confess. Confess? NO WAY IN HELL IS THAT HAPPENING._ A wave of displeasure washed over him, chilling his insides.

 _This isn’t a cheesy romance movie. This is reality. REALITY. Confessing is much harder than it seems._ He shuddered and smiled bitterly at himself. _Reality isn’t what you see through rose-colored glasses. If I confess what I feel, I’ll be endangering our… our friendship._ Colorful memories flashed through his head. _Drinking coffee, messing with each other, sitting at the same table, fighting over snacks, talking about books, that sleepover, having someone to actually talk to, the **only** person I have that I can talk to… _Even though it was a warm summer night, Kageyama’s shoulders shook from a strange coldness overtaking his body. _I can’t throw that away. I might have to, if I confess. He might throw **me** away._

_But_

_Will you do that? Do you have to?_ His brain whispered back to him _. Will he really leave you if he doesn’t return your love? Is he that type of person?_

_..Maybe not. And… No, he isn’t. I think._

_Remember what he said that night?_

_Yeah. ‘If you need anything, I’ll be here.’_

_That’s right. So,_ his thoughts turning louder in his head, _you don’t have to frickin worry! Stop overthinking!_

_…Fine. I’ll try not to._

His own words empowered him just a little, and Kageyama stood up a bit straighter. He sniffled twice and swiped away at the dried tears on his face. Heaving up his chest with a deep breath, he slapped both of his cheeks as hard as he could. “Ahh!” Kageyama cried out. The initial pain stung, but it quickly faded. Faint pink marks glowed on his face. Feeling much more awake, the tangle in his heart began to unravel.

_It’ll be okay. No matter what, it’ll be okay._

_…_

_(probably.)_

_Thanks, pessimistic side of me._

_Would you rather think about Hinata accepting your love and doing cute couple-y things with you?_

Kageyama flushed a subtle shade of pink. He could practically feel the warmth creeping up from his toes to the tips of his ears.

_Shut up, me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama is actually really strong emotionally, despite how self-conscious he can be on the inside, so yeah! Let's cheer him on! (and he finally figured out his feelings. goodness, it's about time)  
> I'm going to be away for the rest of this month, and I won't have time to write, so my next update will be in August :( See you all then!  
> ~
> 
> follow me on tumblr [here](http://www.palepinkimpulses.tumblr.com) and my ff account is [here](https://www.fanfiction.net/~palepinkimpulses) :)


	15. returning the favor (another "sleepover")

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm back. have some fluffy sadness

Hinata was one to keep promises.

Because it’s been only a week since the sleepover, and Kageyama was currently standing in front of Hinata’s apartment building at 11:22 pm, his phone gripped in his right hand. Crickets quietly chirped around him, and he absentmindedly swatted away a pesky mosquito flying around his face. Wincing because of the bright screen, he squinted down at Hinata’s texts, sent at 10:59 pm:

**_[dropped pin: location: my home!!]_ **

**_Come now in PJs!!!!!! Favor needs to be repaid ASAP!_ **

_Okay… apartment No. 6?_ Kageyama glanced over the doorbell buzzers to the right of the door, and his eyes landed on #6: Hinata  & Nishinoya. _Oh right, he has a roommate_. Kageyama tried to think casually. _Okay, gotta ring the buzzer_ … He reached out his hand to the #6, but his finger refused to move forward, resisted his thoughts. It only hovered over the button.

_I’m scared._

_I’m anxious._

_I only had my realization last night, and I haven’t seen him today because we both had to work afternoon hours._

_How will I act?_

_But why did I even come? Why in the world would he ask me to come now?_

_I don’t know. I don’t care._

_…Actually, I know. I want to see him._

_I do._

_Even though I feel like running away, I still am moving towards him._

_Who gives a shit about a roommate?_ Kageyama growled softly to himself, and violently jabbed the silver #6 button. Ow. A rush of energy flowed through him, revitalizing him.

Almost immediately, a fuzzy voice replied through the intercom. A static-y voice, but clearly belonging to Hinata. “Come in! Second floor, first room on the left!” _His voice. It’s him._ The door clicked, and Kageyama pushed it open, walking inside. The previous energy that gave him a power-up was now swirling in his gut, giving him nervous stomach pains. _Dammit_. He started up the staircase, his footsteps echoing off the walls. His phone grew slippery from his sweaty hand.

One more step. Kageyama stepped off the stairwell and stared down at his flip-flopped feet, taking a deep breath. _Psych yourself up, then go and ring the doorbell—_

He looked up and to the left to look for #6 and nearly squeaked in shock. “eeE?”

Hinata was just standing there in his doorway, literally two feet away.

Just standing.

Staring at him.

He probably had seen him struggle up the stairs.

_Oh god oh no_

Kageyama gaped at him silently, and Hinata looked back at him with concern. ”Are you okay?”

“Y-y. Yes.” Kageyama stuttered. _Don’t think about it. Also don’t think about the fact that you like him and that he’s cute and_

Hinata reached out his hand to Kageyama’s shoulder. “Hey, let’s go inside—“

 _Slap_.

Instinctively, Kageyama had lightly pushed away Hinata’s casual, friendly hand. It burned at the touch. I reacted on reflex. Even in the dim hallway, the one second flash of confusion in Hinata’s eyes was unmistakable. _Don’t look at me like that_. Kageyama cleared his throat to fill the tense silence and forced his eyebrows to scrunch down. “Let’s… go.”

Hinata’s face smoothed over back into an easy smile _. I really didn’t mean it._ “Kay.” He stepped over the threshold with his back towards Kageyama, who cautiously followed him inside and shut the door behind him. He couldn’t see Hinata’s face _… Did I really hurt him?_

 “This is my place!” Hinata expressively swept his arms around. To the left was the kitchen and dining area, and to the right was a fairly sized bathroom. Through a doorway from the kitchen, the living room could be seen, and Kageyama guessed the other door in that room led to a bedroom.

“It’s nice.” Kageyama attempted to compliment his home, but his mind was totally blank and couldn’t come up with a half-intelligent comment.

“Heh! Thanks.” Hinata gave a short, breathy laugh. Kageyama still couldn’t see his face clearly. _Is he okay?_

“I know this was short notice, and it’s too late to do anything because I was going to sleep now and you were too, but this still counts as a sleepover right?” Hinata hopped a few times happily.

“…Yeah. Because the word ‘sleepover’ purely denotes sleeping over at another person’s home, but now has the connotation of eleven-year-old children giggling and watching Disney movies and playing truth-or-dare and—“ Kageyama babbled. He was cut off by laughter.

“Hahaahhahha! You’re right, Kageyama.” Hinata looked back at him for a moment, and for a brief second, Kageyama was lost in those bright eyes and that brilliant smile. His heart throbbed, and his eyebrows relaxed. _Oh_.

"Let's sit down!" Hinata walked to his kitchen cabinet and dug around. "Take a seat, I'll make a bit of tea before we sleep."

"Ah." Kageyama pulled out a kitchen chair from the table and seated himself. Hinata had found two mugs, a box of tea bags, and was pouring hot water into the mugs. It was weirdly silent. _It usually isn’t like this with us…_ _Say something?_ "I didn't know you’d drink tea." _Wowow the first thing you think to say is to act all judgmental about a person's beverage preferences? Great job._

"Heh, I guess you wouldn't expect something that tame from a coffee and smoothie addict. Don't be a meanie." Hinata carried over the mugs from the counter to the table, a pout with a hint of amusement on his face. He set one down softly, and held out the other to Kageyama. "Here ya go!"

Kageyama stared down at the mug and managed to notice literally every little detail about it.

_A half-full cup, a faded blue_

_Droplets of water on the rim_

_The tea bag label dangling over the edge_

_his soft right hand gently supporting the base of the cup, slightly pink from the hotness_

_The other hand delicately wrapped around the handle, fingers curled around it_

"Thank you. Ahem." Kageyama cleared his throat. _I need to take the mug. But what if I touch his hand? Surely I'd flinch and drop the cup, and it would be a mess._ He ended up picking up the cup with his right hand, fingers spread out over the top rim of the cup uncomfortably. Hinata let go in surprise. Kageyama hurriedly brought it to his mouth and took a sip, now putting his hands around it. _That was so obvious I was trying not to touch his hand oh god_

If Hinata knew, he pretended not to notice. He sat down in the chair next to his, contentedly drinking his tea. In between sips, he commented, "Even though it's summer, warm tea is always relaxing isn't it?”

Kageyama successfully filed away the previous incident into the depths of his brain, blocking it from his memory. "Yeah, it is." He answered and took a sip for emphasis.

“Sooo…. I really like my job. I like the artsy part of it, but the kids are all so cute and excited! I never thought about becoming a teacher in the future.” Hinata mused. “What about you?”

“Umm…” Kageyama could feel the bags under his eyes grow heavier just from thinking about his job. “A lot of boring deskwork and stuff. But the few times I went out to gather info on stories were interesting.” He offered a tired grin-grimace and gulped down the rest of his tea. _I’m too tired to make the effort of making my face smile._

“That’s really cool then! Do you think you’ll do journalism in the future or something?” Hinata asked him curiously, and also emptied his mug.

“I don’t know… maybe. I enjoy it. Being a professor would be cool too.” Kageyama actually grimaced this time. _Ugh. I don’t have any goals yet. He said it’s okay if I don’t, but I always am obligated to worry at least a little about it._

“Yeahh! We could be teacher buds!” Hinata laughed and collected both their mugs. He threw out the tea bags and brought the mugs to the sink, turning on the faucet to wash them.

“Uh, how is your job going? I mean, you already told me about it, but like what else do you like about it and stuff?” Kageyama asked in a rush, flapping his hand.

Over the _whoosh_ of the sink water, Hinata called back over his shoulder. “I like seeing the younger kids be creative, doing whatever they want, without having to worry about restrictions or anything. Of course, I also like seeing how the older kids are beginning to improve and become proud of their work. Art is just so amazing!!” Hinata sighed happily and turned off the water, beginning to dry the mugs with a pink dishtowel. Kageyama stood up suddenly and walked over to him. _I just feel compelled to help him for some reason._

“I’ll dry them.” He held out his hand.

“I’m pretty sure I can handle a simple chore, Kageyama.” Hinata retorted.

“I don’t need your sass. Hand it over.” He said gruffly, and firmly took the mugs and dishtowel, beginning to dry them. _Wipe, wipe._ After ten seconds of standing there, he became acutely aware that they were just standing there, Hinata watching him and humming the Steven Universe theme song while he dried the mugs. _Awkward much? He’s pretty talented at… humming._ He finished drying just as the song ended, put the towel on the counter, and said, “Uh, I’m done.”

“Thanks!” Hinata held out his hands towards him. “I’ll put them away now!”

 _…_ Kageyama pretended not to notice, and set the mugs down on the counter. He cast his eyes downwards, cringing at himself. _You are a failure at being subtle. Really?_ Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Hinata take the cups after a split second of hesitation and set them on the shelf in the cabinet. He couldn’t see his expression.

 _It’s too quiet._ He shifted his weight from his right side to his left and fiddled with his pajama pant drawstring. _YOU ARE SUCH AN IDIOT HE NOTICES SOMETHING IS WRONG._

Hinata broke the brief silence. “Did you do all your before-bed prep stuff before you came?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, let’s go to the bedroom then!” With a small wave of his hand gesturing Kageyama to follow him, Hinata skipped through the other doorway and to the room Kageyama had guessed as the bedroom. As he followed him in, a few thoughts struck him. _“Let’s go”. “Let’s” is the contraction for “Let us”, which means **both** of us are going into **the** bedroom, singular..._

_Wow._

_Why am I torturing myself with stupid stuff like this????????_

He padded across the carpeted floor and warily went into the bedroom. It was large because it accommodated two people. Two twin beds, two sets of bedroom furniture, two lamps… The room was like a mirror image of itself.

 _Oh yeah. The roommate isn’t here. I’ll calmly and casually ask him about him._ _No biggie. Oh right, and why did he ask me to come so late out of the blue?_

Kageyama ended up barely articulating his thought, with only a choked out word. “R-oomma-te?” _Wow good job self_

Hinata seemed to have understood him. “Oh, Nishinoya! He’s staying over at his boyfriend’s place, and I just found out literally now when he texted me, so that’s why I thought this was a perfect chance to invite you over to ‘repay the favor’ from the other day!” _Ah, so that’s why._ Hinata smiled at him. _He seems happy._

“Thanks.” Kageyama mumbled.

Hinata reached out to playfully nudge him, but withdrew his arm halfway, seemingly remembering that Kageyama had flinched when he tried to touch him before, and that he was purposely avoiding his touch. _Oh. He isn’t okay. He knows_. Hinata grinned at him again, and hopped into the bed on the right side of the room. “We should sleep now, it’s pretty late! I’m so sleepy.” He stretched out his arms and yawned. “You can take the other bed, ‘kay?”

“Thanks.” Kageyama mumbled again, and carefully got into the bed, pulling the blanket over him. The mattress squeaked slightly as he adjusted his pillow.

 _Click_.

Hinata turned the light off, the room becoming washed in a dark blue, except for the green nightlight plugged in between their parallel beds. _Crap_. Both of them were facing each other on each of their beds. Hinata’s face glowed with a green tint in the nightlight light, and his eyes shone in the darkness. _This is so awkward???? Should I turn away????_ Kageyama shifted his feet uncomfortably under the blanket.

“Sooo.” He blurted. Hinata blinked back at him. “Is it okay for me to sleep in your roommate’s bed? Like I don’t want you to get into trouble or anything like that.”

“Hmm? Oh, that’s my bed. I thought it’d might make you feel weird if you slept in Nishinoya’s because you don’t know him and stuff.” Hinata’s calm, cheery voice travelled to him through the dark.

 _Hinata's bed. His pillow. His blanket. Where he sleeps. Every night!!!! This is so personal I'm so nervous._ Kageyama inhaled sharply as his heartbeat accelerated, and caught a whiff of the pillow. It was a citrusy, summery scent with a slight tinge of sweat, but it definitely wasn't a bad smell. He breathed in again, as quietly as he could. _I feel like such a creep ugh_

"Hey." Hinata whispered in a softer tone. "I want to ask you something."

Kageyama's eyes flickered back up to him, and he paused mid-stealth-sniff. "Hmmblff?" He replied, his heart tightening up nervously. _Okay, just breathe in and out. In, out_. This resulted in Kageyama inhaling more Hinata-smell. _That did not HELP!!_

"You've been sorta tense today.” Kageyama’s eyebrows flew up in shock. _He’s just gonna start talking about it??_ I want to make you feel relaxed, because you've been acting weird and not yourself. So I am here to listen to your problems and help!" Hinata blurted and kicked up his blanket for dramatic effect on the word "help". “C’mon, we always have fun together, are you okay? Is it because we couldn’t meet today? It won’t happen for me again, it was just because the guy usually doing the aftercare thing was sick so I offered to do it. Anyways, you seem like you’re trying to hide from me.”

Kageyama's heart skipped a beat, and his mind went into survival mode. He stared interestedly at the corner of the pillowcase ( _stop inhaling Hinata-smell dammit_ ). _Fight or Flight? How about curl up in a ball and hide in a corner?_ Kageyama's tongue felt floppy and twisted; he was unable to say anything, or even to emit random sounds like he usually did _. It’s not because of that… even though it did feel weird not seeing him. I still haven't decided exactly what to do about my feelings, and how I should act on them. I don't know what to say, I can't tell him now. Not before I figure out my own head first. I know everything will be okay, I know that I can rely on Hinata for anything, and that I shouldn’t overreact._ _I’m not trying to hide. Well, I guess I sort of am, but I can’t act normal because of these feelings!! This is actually a lot harder than it looks… So much for what I was thinking last night, aka the Night of my Realization._ He momentarily glanced up from his death stare at the pillow to sneak a look at Hinata, and he drew in a sudden breath.

He was staring _. Okay I know he's stared at me before but it's just hard to get used to!_ Lying on his side, Hinata's cheek was squished cutely on the pillow, and his hair was all flattened on one side too. His eyes looked tired, but they were warm and piercing, his gaze directed right at Kageyama. Kageyama blinked about a million times in panic and helplessness before he tore his eyes away from Hinata and resumed his staring contest at the pillow _. Oh lord I just want to die right now. Help me._ He could feel Hinata's eyes following his own, he could feel their flames flicker and crackle into a smaller fire, into only a faint afterglow of warmth.

"I'm sorry." Hinata whispered sadly, in a tone Kageyama had never heard him speak in before. He didn't dare look up. _Why did you say that? You didn't do anything. Are you saying that because you're sorry that I'm having a personal issue that I can't talk about right now, that makes me act more awkward and unfriendly? You're so kind, and you are actually very observant and sensitive. I think I discovered another side of you??? You're making me like you even more._ Kageyama just laid there, as still as a statue. Frustrated tears threatened to spill from his eyes, but he bit his lip until it stung to stop himself. _I usually am not this emotional. Why can’t I act the way I want to?_

"Hhhh, haaaa. Hhhh, haaa." _Was that...?_ Kageyama looked at Hinata. _He's asleep. That was quick._ He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. In the dim green glow of the nightlight, he could see Hinata snuggled deep into his blanket, his eyelids closed tightly, framed by his long eyelashes, lips barely parted.

_He’s beautiful._

Only four feet of distance separated them; Kageyama wished that they’d be farther apart so his heart wouldn’t beat out of his chest, but also closer together at the same time to be nearer to Hinata’s radiance. _Bump. Ba-bump._ His heart thumped loudly, and he quickly rolled over, shifting to the other side of the bed so his back was towards Hinata. _Will this help me calm down?_ Curled up slightly, covered by the blanket wrapped around him, Kageyama sighed, trying to slow his heartrate. _But, this side of the bed… it’s cold._ A magnetic force seemed to pull at the back of his shirt, causing him to roll back to his original position, facing Hinata. _Yup, I still can’t seem to look away. This side feels a lot warmer, cozier, and nicer. It’s because of him, isn’t it?_

He closed his eyes, and thought without his usual amount of sass, _I’m just a love-struck maiden, ha._

_I thought I’d be able to handle my feelings. I guess it’ll be a lot more difficult than my cockiness had assumed. But I am going to fucking do it. Just remember what you were thinking last night. You can fix this._

He was lulled to sleep by the quiet puffs of breath trailing from Hinata’s lips and the steady rhythm of his beating heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been hard continuing this fic because I can't really get into the flow of plot and the characters... I planned this fic initially because I had this cool idea and I wanted to write it, but now I'm worrying if people will like what I write??? So my writer's block is pretty strong.  
> I know my writing has changed (I'm aware that I'm bad at the whole character-personality/plot/tone/mood continuation and consistency thing for each chapter, I was just too lazy to actually deal with it) but I'm gonna keep writing this fic, for whoever wants to stick around! Go self-improvement!  
> (ﾍﾟ◇ﾟ)」yayy ⌒°(❛ᴗ❛)°⌒  
> ~
> 
> follow me on tumblr [here](http://www.palepinkimpulses.tumblr.com) and my ff account is [here](https://www.fanfiction.net/~palepinkimpulses) :)


	16. icicle tears that never fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *throws this at you*  
> have this angsty, weird, strange, chapter that I don't even know how it popped into my brain but it somehow did and now I'm posting it  
> (Ed Kennedy=main character of the Messenger by Markus Zusak. All quotes in this chapter are from this book)

The following Monday, it was back to their usual routine.

At least, it should be their usual routine. Kageyama had met Hinata at the café, bought some drinks and snacks, and then went to the library together. (“Yayyy! Let’s go Kageyama!”)

But, it just felt… different. _Even though we’re just sitting on the bean bag chairs, reading quietly like usual._

Kageyama was acutely aware of the tenser atmosphere, the invisible, gray glow-cloud hanging above them, pervading the warm coziness of the library. _I never knew how relaxed I was during our daily meetups… until now._ He had involuntarily stiffened every time Hinata would come into close proximity to him. _As we stood in line_ (“move up closer, we’re almost there!”) _, as we grabbed napkins from concessions_ (“Here, take a napkin”) _, as he skipped down the sidewalk_ (C’mon! Hurry up, Kageyama!”), _and nearly bumped into me as we almost collided walking through the library doors_ (I can’t wait to get inside!”) _…_ Of course, Hinata didn’t notice ( _or politely ignored it),_ and went about everything normally… his teeth peeking through his pink lips in a cute smile, the adorable sweep of the bridge of his nose, the small smile-crinkles around his eyes, his slightly disheveled hair, the glow of his skin against the warm sunlight, his pink t-shirt giving the impression of a cute strawberry, his chattering, and his laugh…. His laugh. _I’m rambling in my head again…_ It made Kageyama’s heart twist with swelling emotions, but also made it ache horribly with a strange yearning.

  _He’s a catalyst. He sparks strong reactions within my soul… a recipe for disaster. Isn’t it reasonable if I accidentally, automatically back away from that? Right?? And… he hadn’t said anything about that night, when I refused to answer him. Does he not care?_ He stared a little too intensely down at the copy of The Messenger balanced on his lap. The usually comfortable bean bag chair felt lumpy under his butt, and the rattling sound of god-knows-what’s-in-bean-bags distracted him from processing the words on the page. He could see Hinata sitting on the bean bag chair to his left, about a foot away, peacefully reading The Book Thief, only interrupting the silence with intermittent page turns.

 _Of course he does, idiot. Dammit… I can’t even convince **myself** of the crap I’m feeding me. _He flipped the page a bit too violently, crossed his legs, uncrossed them, then crossed them on the other side, and leaned back with a huff ( _well, a quiet huff, I don’t want to arouse his attention even though I do need to express my irritation)._ Exhaling, he clasped his fingers together and twiddled his thumbs. He could still see Hinata at his left, curled up on his side on the bean bag chair. _Cute_

 _OKAY let’s think about it logically._ Kageyama coughed.

 _Remember saying that I’d fix this? That everything was going to be alright? Well, if I’m just sulking and overwhelmed with fright and anxiety, that won’t happen. I can’t just keep acting like this._ His brain complained.

 _But it’s easier to…_ The lazy and timid part of him protested.

 _No! You have to! This is the person who changed your life, for goodness’ sake. You’d be lying if you just hid these feelings. And if he found out accidentally? No, I have to tell him eventually._ He admitted to himself.

_Buuuuuuuttttt_

_Today’s not the day. Not tomorrow either. I’m not prepared._ Kageyama’s breathing sped up instantly at the thought of confessing.

_All I have to do for now is try to loosen up around him, try to bring back that usual atmosphere. We’ll go back to the normal stuff we do, and when I feel comfortable enough and ready, I’ll tell him._

_GOOD PLAN. A PERFECT COMBINATION OF PROCRASTINATION AND THE REASSURANCE THAT ACTION WILL BE TAKEN._

Satisfied and resolved to follow the rule he had come up with, he reclined in his seat until he was completely on his back, grabbed the book on his lap, and raised it above him at arm’s length, the ultimate lazy reading position. His eyes found where he had last left off, and he started reading. The words enveloped him in the story, connecting into a larger picture of meaning, flooding his mind and senses.

**_“Just for now, I find I’m happy, and I want to stay awake, but soon the night falls down, beating me hard into sleep.” (The Messenger, Pg. 235)_ **

Ah, so this is it. Kageyama thought hazily, as a blanket of calmness gently wrapped around him as the seconds ticked by, and the cloud surrounding them lifted. _This is how it always is, when we’re here like this. My heart always feels calm._

Faintly, he could hear a soft exhale from Hinata, and another gentle page turn.

_Did he feel that to? That intangible sensation of light warmth and fuzzy blankets and sweet pastries? That I can somehow feel just by being here. No, not by being here. By being with you. What do you feel when you’re around me? What do I feel like to you? I mean, like emotionally. Because physically… Nope. Stop thinking. Read._

* * *

 

**_“The sky opens now, crumbing apart._ **

**_I want to hammer the door with my hands and my feet._ **

**_I don’t.” (Pg. 244)_ **

“Bzzt. Bzzt.” A vibrating sound cut through the silence like a knife. Kageyama’s heart stopped for a second, and his fingers around the book loosened, causing it to fall right onto his face and hitting his nose.

“Owww, what was that?” He whisper-yelled in library voice mode, his mouth muffled by the pages, and he carefully lifted the book off his face. _Can’t damage it._ It smelled like _that usual comforting book smell._ And, _it’s Hinata’s._

Hinata uncurled himself from the beanbag chair and propped himself up on one arm drowsily. Fumbling with his book, he took out his phone and looked at Kageyama.

“Sorry, Kageyama, I just got a phone call. That scared me. You don’t mind if I take it?” He smiled sheepishly and tossing his phone casually from hand to hand. ( _A habit? He’s always fiddling around)_

“Yeah. Wait, I mean no. Like yes, you can, and no, I don’t mind.” Kageyama choked out, his mind still sluggish. _I wonder who’s calling him._

“Hehe! Thanks.” Hinata swiped his phone screen and held his phone up to his ear. His face broke out into a grin as he said, “Hey, what’s up? You haven’t called me in a while!”

Kageyama shifted in his seat and resumed his reading. _I shouldn’t really be listening in on his phone conversation right?_ He vaguely heard a voice replying to Hinata, though he couldn’t make out their words. They were talking quickly, as if in a desperate tone. And the voice sounded high-pitched… _It’s a girl._ His throat tightened up at this realization, but he immediately chided himself afterwards. _There shouldn’t be anything wrong with that. I talk to my girl classmates too. It’s creepy, getting jealous and overly controlling just because the person you like is interacting with other people. Don’t think much of it. Guess who needs your attention! Ed Kennedy! Let’s go back to the book!_

Hinata abruptly stood up. Kageyama glanced up at him. He was turned the other way, so Kageyama couldn’t see his face. He gripped his phone tightly, a lot tighter than was needed, as he pressed it against his ear. His shoulders were tense. _Is he okay?_ Hinata looked back at him for a second.

“Hey, Kageyama, I gotta take this, so I’ll be outside. It won’t take long.” He said quietly. He offered a brief smile, then shielded his gaze and hurriedly walked out of their study spot, disappearing from sight.

Kageyama frowned in his direction, curious and worried at the same time.

_It’s his business, so I should respect his own privacy, but he seemed bothered. By that person? No, he was happy at first. So he was upset at whatever the person said._

_I hope he’s okay._

He sighed, and with his heart still a bit at unease, he leaned back in his seat, smoothed out the pages of the book, and started to read once more.

* * *

 

**_“In my hand, I can almost feel the pulse of the heart card as it sits there and waits.” (Pg. 262)_ **

Fifteen minutes later, he heard faint footsteps, and he looked up. _He’s back?_ Sure enough, Hinata had appeared again, walking around the last bookshelf aisle. He was dragging his feet a bit, walking at a slower pace than usual, his hands clutching his phone in front of him. His head was lowered, his unfocused eyes looking down at the floor, seeing but not really seeing.

Kageyama’s heart stopped again.

_He looks… so defeated. And sad._

_This isn’t… right._

_He usually skips inside the library, ignoring the librarian. He skips down the aisles every time we come here._

_But he isn’t now._

Kageyama averted his eyes and pretended to not notice Hinata approach him, boring his eyes into his book. His insides felt jumbled, his chest throbbing with confusion.

A whisper. “Kageyama?”

Kageyama looked up at him. His eyes widened.

_He’s… smiling._

It was his usual, slightly lopsided, toothy grin, the one he gave when he liked the new cookie flavor or talked about reading or his job with kids or when he teased Kageyama.

It looked as it always has been.

But Kageyama knew… it felt different.

_Are you pretending that everything is okay? Because my gut tells me… you’re not okay._

“Yeah?” He whispered back automatically, his brain still in shock.

“We’ve been here a while, so you wanna leave now?” Hinata tilted his head to the side cutely, and rocked back and forth on his feet.

_He never suggested leaving before._

_It’s always me, saying that it was getting late, or when the library announcement says it’s closing soon._

“Yeah!” Kageyama almost shouted, and stood up. “I’m getting tired too.” They both quickly collected their belongings, Hinata ready before Kageyama. Kageyama heaved the bag over his shoulder, held his book tightly in his hand, and walked up next to Hinata. He noticed Hinata’s slouched posture, his left hand shoved into his pocket.

“Let’s go.” Kageyama stated awkwardly. Hinata raised his head, and nodded.

“’Kayyy~” He sang. Kageyama began to walk forward, towards the library doors, and Hinata fell into step next to him.

_This isn’t it. You’d be skipping ahead, and I’d be grumbling and trying to catch up, and the librarian would yell at you, but you’d already be out the door, and I’d offer a quick apology to her before reaching you and lecturing you about library rules._

This time, they left in silence, with only the soft thumps of their feet on the carpeted floor thudding in their ears. As they turned left to the door, Hinata’s eyes directed forward, Kageyama glanced at the librarian at the front desk, whose gaze momentarily flickered up to them, in surprise, because _this isn’t how it usually goes._ He looked away, and continued forward, through the automatic sliding doors, until both of them were standing outside on the sidewalk. It was only seven, and the sun still illuminated their view of their surroundings.

Hinata turned towards Kageyama. He extracted his hand from his pocket to wave at him. With his signature head tilt and grin, he said, “I’m gonna go! See ya tomorrow, Kageyama!” His typical emphasis that he always put on his name, _Kageyama,_ the one that always set his heart pumping and made him flinch, wavered for a millisecond. It didn’t hit him as hard as it always has, and instead slowly bounced off his tongue and puttered away, rolling to a stop midair between them.

“Bye, Hinata.” Kageyama attempted to smile, but his features were frozen. He waved back, slightly robotically.

Hinata gave one more finger wiggle-wave, turned away, and began walking to his apartment building.

Kageyama just stood there, and looked after him.

_No—_

He instinctively took a step forward and reached out his hand as if to somehow grab him, to plead him to come back, but he restrained himself at the last second. _Why did I stop? Oh, I’m… afraid._

For a moment, Hinata faltered in his steps. _Did he sense me going after him?_ He was almost around the corner, but he turned back around towards Kageyama again. He opened his mouth ( _Is he going to say something_?) _,_ but then changed his mind and shut it. He waved vigorously and smiled so big, Kageyama could see the white of his teeth. Finally, he turned the corner and left.

_But I was too far away, to probably see, that trembling smile._

Kageyama walked home very slowly that evening. _I hope he’ll be okay. What happened? I need to offer support, like he does for me._ He thought, almost guiltily. _I feel so useless sometimes! Why didn’t I truly go after him?_

* * *

 

It hadn’t occurred to him until right before he fell asleep, but

_I’m so worried about Hinata that I had completely forgotten my own worries for a while._

**_The scattered stars shower down like icicles tonight, but nothing soothes me.” (Pg. 89)_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Psh my writing just comes to me in random motivation spurts. I've given up on structure, I'll just go wherever the wind takes me  
> (this was also a bit later than planned because I couldn't find my Messenger book for a few days, hehe.)  
> (how was the angst, btw? i don't know how this change of mood would work out, but I wanted to do it, so yeah)  
> ~
> 
> follow me on tumblr [here](http://www.palepinkimpulses.tumblr.com) and my ff account is [here](https://www.fanfiction.net/~palepinkimpulses) :)


	17. when things go wrong and fall apart (part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inside Out spoilers ahead. Beware.  
> And let's play, "who can identify that Noragami reference?"!

He created a plan.

Kageyama woke up to his phone alarm, the sickeningly cheerful guitar strumming ringtone he never got around to changing. With a careless flick of his finger to turn it off, his eyes shut because he had done this so many times he knew the exact trajectory to his nightstand from his bed, Kageyama reluctantly pushed himself up, eyes still sticky with sleep, and blinked a few times to adjust to the spattering of soft light filtering in through his window blinds, slashing stripes of pale yellow across his bedroom floor.

_Pale yellow sunlight. Like his smile_

Everything that had transpired last night flooded into his mind. He shook his head. _No please let me bask in this brief moment of pleasure, floating between consciousness and my dreamland_

 _Hinata._ The single word electrified his thoughts.

_Hinata needs me._

_But I left._

_Did I think he needed space?_

_Or was I too frightened?_

_I have to do something._

_I will._

With another swipe towards his nightstand, Kageyama retrieved his phone and immediately started typing into his internet browser address bar. _I hope this’ll work._

The oh-so-wonderful swirling buffering circle appeared on the screen, causing him to frown. He rubbed his eyes. _Wi-Fi?? Be cooperative please??_ His fingers skittered across a rough patch on his cheek. _Huh?_ He rubbed it, confused. _What is this? Dried.. tears?_ A subtle wetness danced across the hand he used to rub his eyes.

_Was I crying while I was sleeping?_

_But I don’t remember what I was dreaming about._

He swatted at his cheek a few times, then went back to his ( _finally!)_ loaded webpage.

* * *

 

Kageyama arrived at the café early that afternoon.

 _Sure, I had to jog-run from my job which is why I must look like I’ve just ran a 5K to any normal person, but…_ He swallowed. That familiar feeling of getting cold feet the last minute was creeping in on him. He fumbled with his wallet at the cash register, ( _crap that new blonde teen-boy cashier is glaring at me)_ fumbled with the receipt, and nearly dropped the cookies… _I barely made it out alive._

He settled himself on the bench outside, the door hitting him on his behind on the way out. Well, he “settled” in, which means he sat on the edge of the seat, rapidly bouncing his leg up and down while his heart beat loudly and his brain screamed.

_You’re gonna mess it up mess it up mess it up_

_SHUT UP I GOTTA DO THIS_

Kageyama downed his entire drink and started shoving one of the huge cookies into his mouth. _Caffeine and sugar, empower me_

“Hey, Kageyama? You look really hungry.”

“Hffgh!” Kageyama choked on a chocolate chip and looked up. Hinata was smiling down at him, his hands stuck in the pockets of his lime green shorts.

“Couldn’t wait, huh?”

He balled his hand into a fist and pounded his chest. _Ugh, I almost died._ Kageyama cleared his throat. “I guess… I got your stuff, too.” He gestured to the smoothie and cookie awkwardly. Hinata sat down next to him and swung his legs back and forth, the tips of his shoes scratch-scratching across the concrete sidewalk.

“Awww, Kageyama, you sly dog! We said we wouldn’t do that anymore!” Hinata laughed. _His laugh isn’t as bright._

“Well, we have to get going, since the,” Kageyama coughed, and he trailed off into a mumble. “ _movie begins in fifteen minutes and the theater is five minutes away._ ” Three minutes of Googling that morning had given him all the movie information he’d needed.

“Huhhhhhh?” Hinata asked. He paused. “Wait wait wait, did you say you’re taking me to a movie?”

“…Yeah. Gotta problem?” Kageyama shot back. _Whoa I sounded a bit caustic there_

Hinata looked down at his feet, and swung them slower, like a pendulum. _Tick, tock._ Two seconds. He looked up at Kageyama, and he smiled. With a dusting of sadness, but it was a smile.

“I’m gonna pay for you, though!” Hinata wiggled in his seat for emphasis ( _cute),_ carefully stuck the cookie into his mouth, and picked up his drink. He stood up. “Let’s go!” He raised his smoothie, like a toast.

“Yeah.” Kageyama raised his empty cup for a second, but then realized how stupid that was. “Um, this is empty so I’ll do a spiritual toast.” Looking away in embarrassment, he disposed his dirty napkin and cup in the nearby trashcan. Behind him, he heard it. For a millisecond. A true laugh. A lilting, slightly goofy, but genuine, sweet laugh.

“…what are you laughing at.” He grumbled, turning back towards Hinata. _Don’t look at his cute face don’t don’t don’t don’t_

“Nothing! Let’s goooo.”

“…Fine.”

* * *

 

“Hey. What movie are we watching?”

“…I only picked it because I thought you’d like it.”

“Really? What is it?”

“…Inside Out.”

“Thank you for picking it out just for me! I hope it won’t torture you too much.” A subdued smirk.

“It is PERFECTLY FINE to be a fan of animation, regardless of your age!!”

“Thank you.”

“Huh?”

“Oh, nothing.”

* * *

 

After buying their tickets ( _Dammit Hinata actually convinced me to let him pay it),_ they walked silently towards Theater 3. Kageyama noticed, _he’s not skipping._ The two of them tread softly on the carpeted floor in the dimmed hallway until they saw the large Inside Out poster next to the golden, script font, “3”. Kageyama tugged on the edge of his shirt, out of nervous habit. _What should I say?_ “Hey, your shorts are the same color as the dress Joy is wearing.” He blurted frantically, because they’d just been standing in front of the theater without actually entering, and a few people walking by had glanced at them.

“Joy?” Hinata looked down at his shorts, and looked up at the lighted poster. He didn’t say anything, but he bobbed his head up and down, and his cheeks lifted with a small grin, which disappeared as soon as it stretched across his face. “I guess!”

_Wow. Wow. How tactless are you, really. Joy? JOY?! You know he’s in pain you friggin IDIOT_

Kageyama’s heart was suddenly filled with the urge to flee. He frantically waved towards the theater door “We should go in, ya know, it’s probably gonna start soon.”

“I was wondering why you were just standing there, sillyhead.” Hinata snarkily replied, but without as much punch as usual. _Are there bags under his eyes? And his hands._ Hinata’s hands rested against his sides, pale fingers slightly curled and relaxed. But _a faint tremor?_ Kageyama willed himself to walk towards the door, yanking it open and taking a deep breath. His sweaty hand slipped off the door handle, and he hurriedly pulled it back with his other hand. _Relax._

Hinata strolled through the door, and he followed him down the dark aisle, only lit by tiny orange lights. The theater lights had alreatdy been dimmed, and Kageyama could only see dark, shadowy heads among the seats. _There’s a fair amount of people here._ Everyone was watching intently at the huge screen in front of them, with the occasional kid squirming in their seat, impatient for the movie trailers to be over.

 _!!!_ Hinata had abruptly stopped in the middle of the aisle, and Kageyama almost collided with him. “What’s wrong?” he whispered, half-surprised, half-concerned. _Does he not want to watch the movie, after all?_ Disappointment and worry started chewing away at his insides.

“I think I see…? He did say he was gonna hang out with him…” Hinata whispered to himself. He glanced to his left for a second, then quickly turned away. “I guess we shouldn’t bother them?” He sat down at the row right next to them to their right, leaving a space for Kageyama. “This’ll be okay!”

“Ah, okay.” Kageyama sat down and looked to his left, eyes searching for _who Hinata was talking about._ In the hazy darkness, with the changing lights of the movie screen flickering at irregular intervals, he could barely make out a guy with _facial hair and a bun that I’d recognize anywhere. I mean, I’ve gone to the café so many times I clearly remember him. Ah, Asahi._ He quickly processed the scene before him. The guy next to Asahi was jabbering away in a whisper with a huge mischievous grin on his face, and kept tugging on his arm and reaching up to play with his bun. Kageyama quickly put two and two together.

_Hinata said his roommate was Asahi’s boyfriend?_

_So that really cheerful guy is Hinata’s roommate?_

This revelation, and seeing Asahi, who always seemed nervous and shy, quietly laugh and take his boyfriend’s offending arm off his, place it on the armrest, and rest his hand on his, weirdly twisted Kageyama’s gut.

The Roommate sensed someone watching, and looked over to their row curiously.

 _Crap crap crap crap crap._ Kageyama snapped back his neck and averted his eyes with lightning speed. He gripped the armrests for dear life. He could literally feel the blood rushing up his neck to his cheeks.

A call trickled in through his left ear.

“Hiiinaaataaa!!” A whisper-yell.

 _What??? Nooo. Nope. Let’s not._ Kageyama pretended to be zoned out.

_I don’t want him to call out to Hinata._

_But what kind of idiotic things am I thinking? They’re roommates! Of course they’d be friends or whatever._

His eyes were rapidly drying from trying not to blink.

He saw Hinata shift in his seat, lean forward, uncrumple, straighten up, raise his hand, and wave. And smile.

“Noyaa!” He whisper-yelled back.

_Noya? A nickname?_

The so-called Noya shot straight up into standing and started waving. “COME SIT HEREE!” He whisper-shouted, but it was so loud anyway it might as well have been a normal shout. The movie-watchers behind their row started grumbling at this disturbance, and he earned quite a few annoyed stares. Asahi was pulling on his arm, an apologetic look on his face. Kageyama gave up on trying to ignore them, and just stared, dumbfounded. The secondhand uncomfortableness Asahi was emanating was practically palpable. _Ah that must be so awkward_

He felt a small tap on his shoulder. A whisper from behind him. “We should go, we’re sorta creating a scene. Hehe.” A shiver traveled up Kageyama’s neck ( _I have ticklish and really sensitive ears!!)_ , and he silently gasped, whipping his head around and nearly bumping noses. _His face is so close!_ On instinct, he jerked back.“He’s like that a lot.” It was dark, everything a muted blue-black, but Kageyama saw Hinata’s shining eyes looking beyond him, past him, with an affectionate, sheepish beam.

_Oh._

_Oh?_

“Then, what are we waiting for?” Kageyama laughed quietly without mirth. He slid out of his seat quickly, not looking back at Hinata, but making sure he had stood up and was the first to enter the row _They_ were sitting at. Luckily, no one else was in that row on their side, so Kageyama didn’t have to trip over people’s feet and apologize hastily about a million times. He followed Hinata with a lowered head, and saw that he was gently tracing the edges of the armrests and seats with his fluttering fingers as he passed them.

Hinata sat down next to Noya. Kageyama awkwardly sat down next to Hinata and stared straight ahead, compressing his mouth into an expressionless, flat line.

“Hinataa!!! I didn’t know you were coming here!! Ya followin’ me huh?” A chipper voice. _I can practically hear his grin._

“Heeyyy. Meanie. Noya-senpai, my friend brought me here! Um, we’re not bothering you, right?” _A hint of shyness? Hinata?_

“It’s totally cool! Right, Asahiii?’

“A-ah. Of course.”  A hushed, low tone. “We should probably stop talking, the movie is starting. Other people can hear us.” From behind Kageyama, he could hear muttering from annoyed people.

“You just want me to hold your hand again, dontcha?” A teasing laugh.

“N-noya!”

“Got it, got it. Let’s watch the movie. We’ll talk more after, Hinata!”

“’Kay, senpai!” And then, something Kageyama could never miss, the one thing he never grew tired of hearing ( _especially when it’s because of me):_ His breathy giggle.

_Am I a masochist? Do I find it particular enjoyable to torture myself like this?_

“Psst. The movie’s beginning, Kageyama! I hope it’ll be great!”

Kageyama finally turned to look at Hinata at his left. Hinata, who was smiling slightly, once again, with a hint of sparkle in his eyes, once again. He couldn’t bring himself to look at him directly, and turned away.

“Yeah.”

* * *

 

_“Take her to the moon for me, Joy.”_

_Do not cry do not cry do NOT cry_

Kageyama attempted to discreetly flick away a few pesky tears threatening to fall at the corners of his eyes.

“Are you okay?” Hinata asked quietly, as he sniffled a bit.

_Are you?_

“Yeah.”

Noya. “Asahi, you can cry on my shoulder.”

“!!” A surprised and embarrassed snuffle. A nod.

That same gut-twisting feeling appeared again in the pits of Kageyama’s stomach.

* * *

 

All around him, Kageyama heard crying, sniffling. _I don’t feel as sad as when Bing-Bong died… is this what I am? Even within a movie it shows I can cry over the death over a fictional character but am not as sad over actual human relationships?_ He looked to his left, and saw quite a scene.

First, Asahi was quietly crying and using his hands to wipe his face. Noya was clutching his arm, tears spilling down his cheeks, face red ( _in a rather unattractive way, but hey I don’t judge.)_.

And then Hinata was sobbing. _How didn’t I notice?_ He was usually a loud-bawler type crier, but this time, he was silently sobbing. _He looks horribly sad._ His entire face was salty wet, he had puffy eyes, a red nose, and a trembling mouth that opened and closed to draw in air with shuddering breaths.

_“I wanna go home. Please don't be mad._

_Oh, sweetie...”_

Hinata’s lips parted to inaudibly mouth: _“I wanna go home.”_ A few more tears escaped.

 _No. no. no. no._ Kageyama looked away. His insides were being chopped up in a mixer, and he felt like throwing up. _No. What’s happening? I need to help him. I do. I do._

His hand traveled to his pocket and clumsily pulled out the packet of Kleenex he always carried with him. Almost trancelike, he twisted around in his seat and held out the tissues to Hinata.

“Are you okay?” Kageyama echoed Hinata’s previous words, while staring down at the tissues. Hinata snuffled and turned towards him, his chest faintly heaving.

“Y-yeah-h.” Hinata said in a nasally voice, and reached out a shaky hand to the tissue packet, clenching his fingers around it. Kageyama let go. “Th-thanks.”

“Mm.” Kageyama murmured in response. _I don’t know what to say._

* * *

 

The movie finally ended, and the people in the theater began to gradually trickle out, some leaving immediately and some staying behind to gather their belongings. Kageyama stood up, stretching his legs and blinking the crustiness and heaviness out of his eyes, and followed Hinata out of the row of seats through the other side.

Once all four of them ( _are we considered a group or something now? I didn’t sign up for this)_ were standing outside near the movie poster sign, they somehow unconsciously formed a small circle, and all faced each other. Kageyama immediately observed how small Noya was. _He’s even shorter than Hinata? Wait, this is sorta rude._ He looked petite, but with his rather bold hairstyle ( _lots of gel, and he only dyed that part in the front?)_ and seemingly big personality, he seemed perfectly compatible with Asahi, who _(from my observations)_ has a more shy personality, like a big teddy bear. _What am I even thinking? What am I, a matchmaker??_

Noya broke the silence. He grinned widely at Kageyama, despite the fact he had almost wept minutes before. “Heyy, Hinata, introduce me to your friend!”

Hinata was wiping his face with the last Kleenex he had. He sniffled, then smiled at Noya on his left. “Okay, Noya-senpai!” He swept his hand out to Kageyama on his right, who stiffened with self-consciousness. “This is my friend, Kageyama Tobio.” The words _Kageyama Tobio_ flipped gently, softly, carefully, off of his tongue. _Or maybe I’m just imagining it._

“And Kageyama!” Hinata whirled towards him. His eyes were still tinged with redness, but they were _bright_. “This is my roommate, Nishinoya Yuu! And you might know his boyfriend, Asahi Azumane!”

Asahi smiled at him, with a touch of nervousness. “Hello.”

“Hi.” Kageyama secretly felt relieved that he wasn’t the only one who felt uncomfortable.

“Nice to meet ya!” Nishinoya stuck out his hand for… _A handshake? No, a fist bump. Well I can’t possibly refuse, can I? I am not a fist bump person._ Kageyama softly bumped his hand into Nishinoya’s smaller one.

“Same here.” Kageyama replied. _(Do I really mean it? Why do I feel so wary of him even though I don’t know him?) Oh god awkwardness_

“Oh, do you guys wanna join us for dinner? We were gonna go to that family restaurant down the street.” Nishinoya asked. “Is that okay with you?” He asked Asahi in a softer tone.

“That would be fun!” Hinata cheered. “As long as Asahi is okay with it of course!”

Asahi scratched at his stubble and nodded. “Sure, that’ll be great.”

“Let’s go then!” Nishinoya grabbed Asahi’s hand and began dragging him away towards the exit.  “Come on!” Kageyama still hadn’t moved. Hinata looked at him.

 “…It’s okay, they’re nice.”

“What?”

“Well, you seemed a bit apprehensive about meeting new people.”

“Ah.” Kageyama didn’t know what to say. “I-I’ll be fine. I got this.”

“That’s great then.” Hinata smiled back at Kageyama. “Let’s go!” Together, they both fast-walked to catch up to Nishinoya and poor Asahi.

* * *

 

“Asahi cried a lot during the movie~”

“!! Well, you did too…”

“Yeah yeah! Noya-senpai, you cried like a baby!”

“Shut up! You were a mess too!” A friendly flick on the face.

“Well,” Hinata stared down at his shoes as he walked forward on the sidewalk and gave a small laugh ( _whose emptiness only I can hear)_ , “the movie made me really sad, so I cried!”

 “It’s completely okay to cry when you’re sad.” Kageyama said out loud, without thinking. _Shit._ He clapped a hand over his mouth. _Did I really just spout that out of nowhere? Really? Really?_

“See, Noya-senpai??? At least Kageyama knows!” Hinata shot Nishinoya a playful smirk, and gave a small smile to Kageyama. _'_ _Thank you'. Is that what he’s saying?_

Kageyama blinked back at him and tried to smile nicely too. Hinata giggled at his attempt ( _I’m trying, okay??)_ , then was distracted by Nishinoya elbowing him in vengeance. Kageyama looked on, an impassive expression on his face concealing a swirling mixture of thoughts and emotions underneath it all.

_The movie made you really sad, huh._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized this fic is probably going to end in a couple of chapters... Not really soon, but it's coming. :(  
> Remember Fanfiction Writers Appreciation Day is August 21st! (tomorrow) Be sure to show your love and leave kudos/comments on the fics you've read! :D  
> ~~
> 
> follow me on tumblr [here](http://www.palepinkimpulses.tumblr.com) and my ff account is [here](https://www.fanfiction.net/~palepinkimpulses) :)


	18. comfort (part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Noragami references ahead: the host is Yato, an annoying poor god who'd do anything to advertise himself, Yatogami (Yato god). Iki Hiyori (waitress) is always annoyed by his antics. Kodansha is the manga publisher for Noragami.

“Four, please!!” Nishinoya chirped to the host at the restaurant. Kageyama, Hinata, and Asahi hung awkwardly behind him. The host smiled ( _devilishly?)_ back at them and took four menus from the stack atop the podium.

“This way please!” He said enthusiastically, and began walking towards the seating area, tugging on the worn bandana around his neck. Nishinoya lingered at the podium for a second, then stomped after him. _What was that about?_ Kageyama glanced back at the podium as he followed Asahi, Hinata, and Nishinoya walking behind the waiter.

“Noya-senpai!” Hinata whispered. Kageyama looked up to see Hinata talking right over Noya’s ear from behind him. “I saw you looking at it!”

“What are you talking about?”

“The kids menus, the kids menus, I know you wanted it!” Hinata started giggling. Nishinoya whipped his head around with a defined angry blush on his face and whacked Hinata in the head.

“Ah, shaddup! Respect your senpai!”

“Nishinoya, calm down…” Asahi said a bit worriedly from behind Hinata.

“Here are your seats!” The host stopped near a booth by the window and set down the four menus. Nishinoya and Asahi sat down on one side of the table, and Hinata slid onto the other side. Kageyama nervously sat down next to him. _Act normal act normal act normal_

The host gave them a thumbs up and exclaimed, “I hope you enjoy your meal here at the Yatogami Restaurant—“

“Hello! Welcome to the **_Kodansha_** Restaurant!” A waitress hip-checked the host, who promptly fell over, and walked up to their table with a fake grin. Nishinoya burst out laughing, Asahi kick-nudged him under the table, and Hinata snickered. Kageyama tried not to smile. She glared at the man on the floor for a moment, then continued talking. “I’m your server for today, Iki! Could I get you some drinks to start out?

“I’ll have a strawberry lemonade!”

“Ah, I’d like an iced tea.”

“Mango smoothie for mee!”

“Uh, I’ll have a Sprite.”

“Okay.” Iki scribbled down their drinks on her notepad and smiled at them again. “I’ll be back shortly with your drinks!” Walking away, she purposely ignored the host, who had stood up and was slowly, shamefully making his way back to the front of the restaurant.

“I wonder what that was about!” Nishinoya whispered over the table to Hinata.

“I don’t know, but it was pretty funny!” Hinata whispered back.

“ Was it a… lover’s quarrel~? We never fight like that, huh, Asahi?”

“Oh, no, not really…”

“Whaddaya mean, not really?”

“I mean, you always leave your stuff at my apartment and you don’t clean up after yourself.”

“So mean, Azu-chan!”

“..Please don’t call me that.”

“Senpai, are you having a lover’s quarrel???”

“NO!”

Kageyama said nothing; he just opened up the menu and started looking at the entrees.

A few minutes later, after the waitress had taken their orders, a kicking-slash-footsie battle ensued ( _who else? Hinata and Nishinoya),_ and maybe it was because his bag under the table was getting kicked every five seconds, or maybe it was the fact that Nishinoya looked so happy and Hinata did too, or maybe it was the fact that Hinata was laughing and giggling like nothing was wrong and that his rosiness seemed genuine even though he _knew_ it wasn’t, but something rose inside of Kageyama. Something that made his heart twist unpleasantly and made him feel extremely, extremely

_Pissed off._

“Sooo… Hinata.” Kageyama breathed. _Okay that was barely a whisper you loser_

But Hinata’s ears twitched slightly ( _like a rabbit?)_ , and he twisted his body around to face Kageyama, while continuing to kick Nishinoya. “Kageyama, did you say something?”

His throat felt parched, and his lips were glued together. Kageyama ripped them apart and said with a unsteady voice ( _act casual! Casual!),_ “Like, you know, I wonder how you found, um, Nishinoya,” Kageyama looked over to him for a second, and he stared back curiously, “for the whole apartment thing.” Hinata blinked at him and opened his mouth, but Kageyama jumped in again. _Am I too suspicious? Too obvious? Too weird??_ “Because, like I didn’t know people so I couldn’t have a roommate or anything. Yeah…”

“Oh, we knew each other in high school.” Hinata replied automatically. “And our parents were friends and stuff.” _Oh. Oh. So, like childhood friends._ Kageyama’s throat tightened up.

“Yeah! And when they found out Hinata was comin’ to my school, they suggested we share an apartment!”

“It all worked out and everything!” Hinata winked at Kageyama and whispered, “His first roommate left because he was too messy and loud, so now I have to deal with all _that_.” _They’re pretty amiable, aren’t they. Like that feeling of camaraderie. Mutual friendliness. I should shut up._

“What are you saying about your _senpai_ over there???” Nishinoya retaliated with a fierce kick to Hinata’s shin, and he moaned in pain.

“N-nothing….”

Asahi frowned and nudged Nishinoya with his elbow. “Noya, don’t be so mean.”

He seemed to sag a little, and a glimmer of shame flashed in his eyes for a second. “Okay…”  Kageyama felt a pang in his chest when he quietly observed the two of them, how Asahi’s strong hand danced softly over Nishinoya’s shoulder, and how he in return, just barely, slightly, leaned softly into his touch. _Sometimes, being so attuned to all the details around me just hurts._

“Oh right, Hinata, speaking of which,” Nishinoya suddenly said, in a calmer voice, “My mom recently called me—“

Hinata cut him off sharply, a knife slicing his sentence in half. “I know.” _Is it about the same thing that made him so sad? Something happened with his family?_ His entire demeanor had changed, and his feet dropped to the floor with a thump. _Nishinoya knows about it…_

Nishinoya seemed almost frantic, and with a combination of apology and worry and who knows what else, he quickly said, “Oh, okay, I just wanted to let you know--“

“Hi everybody! I have your appetizers!” Kageyama let out a whoosh of breath he didn’t know he was holding, and noticed Iki standing in front of their table and placing down the appetizer they had ordered. All of a sudden, the weird tension in the air was shattered like glass, the shards left dangling under their feet.

“Mmmm! I love chips and dip!” Hinata plucked a few tortilla chips from the basket and scooped up some dip, then bringing it to his mouth with a loud crunch. Kageyama snuck a peek at him as he reached over for a chip. Wiping away a spot of cheese dip on his lips, Hinata’s eyes were glittering with unfallen wetness.

_I’ll do it._

_I have to do it._

_I **want** to do it, dammit. He’s my friend, and if I don’t fucking do anything about it, what am I? I’ll just be the same as I used to be. And I don’t want to be the same old me anymore. I’m sick of it._

“Hinata, eat more chips.” He muttered. _Hey, eating warm food helps with stuff like this._

“Huh?”

“They taste good.”

“Yeah, I know.” Hinata scooped up some dip onto a chip and placed it on Kageyama’s appetizer plate. “You try it, then. You haven’t even eaten any, dummy Kageyama!”

Kageyama looked at him. “Okay.” _You should eat some more, though. You need it more than I do._

* * *

 

_~Entrees~_

“Here, Kageyama, take some of my quesadillas.” Hinata stuck two small quesadilla triangles onto the edge of Kageyama’s pasta bowl. With his mouth full of cheesy pasta ( _oh my goodness this is so good),_ he looked down at the triangles in surprise, then back to Hinata’s entrée plate. Then to Nishinoya’s. And Asahi’s. Only four triangles remained on his own, and a small, timid triangle balanced on the edge Nishinoya’s and Asahi’s plates. Kageyama frowned. _He basically gave away half of his meal._

Kageyama pinched the rim of Hinata’s small appetizer plate and dragged it to the edge of his own pasta plate. As quickly and neatly as he could, he transferred some of his cheesy pasta to Hinata’s plate, then slid it quietly back towards Hinata. “It’s only fair that we do a trade, duhh.” He explained to his plate. He could hear a small inhale, as if Hinata was going to say something, but they were interrupted.

“Let me do a trade toooo! Have one of my ribs!!!” Nishinoya tossed one across the table, and it luckily landed smack dab atop the pasta.

* * *

 

_~Dessert Part 1~_

Iki clasped her hands together and asked, “Would you like anything for dessert?”

“Me and Asahi are gonna share one of those vanilla ice cream and chocolate chip cookie things, I’ve had them before and they’re soooo good.” Nishinoya answered enthusiastically.

Asahi whispered across the table, “I’m not a huge fan of sweets but I’ll indulge him.”

Kageyama chuckled a little, and Hinata let out a huge guffaw. “Hahaha, Noya-senpaiiiii!”

“Asahiii!” Nishinoya moaned, then retorted, “Then what are you guys getting?”

“Oh, I don’t want anything. I’m way too full.” _Hinata. Turning down desserts, sweet food?_ The waitress’ eyes turned to Kageyama expectantly.

Kageyama’s mind was frantic. “Uh-a-are you sure? I mean, the stuff here is really delicious and sweet, you know.” He whispered, trying to keep the panic out of his voice.

“I’m fine, Kageyama. You should order something though! I know you have a secret sweet tooth!”

“Okay!” Kageyama said out loud, his face flushed ( _Because I’ve kept our waitress waiting too long ugh that is so awkward)._ “I’ll have a slice of cheesecake.”

“Got it! I’ll be back shortly with your desserts!” Iki smiled politely at them and left their table.

* * *

 

_~Dessert Part 2~_

Kageyama pulled the cheesecake plate from the edge of the table to the space in between him and Hinata. _Good, she brought an extra fork._ He balanced one fork on the plate, then took the other one and used it to nudge off a tentative piece of cheesecake.

Hinata stopped drumming his soft fingers on the table. “Kageyama? Whatcha doing?”

“I’m obviously not gonna be able to finish this piece of cake, so you have to help me.” Kageyama shoved a too-large bite into his mouth so he wouldn’t have to keep talking. Hinata hesitantly lifted up the extra fork and poked a small part of crust and cheese off, pushing it around the plate to absorb some strawberry jam, then brought it to his lips. His eyelashes fluttered.

“This is delicious.”

“Of course it is.”

* * *

 

The bell on the door jangled as they walked out. “Thanks for coming to the Yatogami—“ The host yelled from behind them, interrupted by a dull _thump_ ( _did she hit him again?)._

“Thanks for coming to the KODANSHA Restaurant!” Iki called pointedly.

“Thank you~!” Nishinoya called back, swinging his arms with Asahi in tow. Hinata followed the two, and Kageyama was last, trailing behind them. Nishinoya span around to face them, and they stopped in surprise.

“This was really fun, hanging out with you guys! We should totally do this again.” Nishinoya smiled at them, and Asahi nodded sincerely.

“Yeah it was!” Hinata grinned.

“I liked it.” Kageyama said quietly. _I actually have no idea about what I thought of this but if I actually said what I was thinking everything would just end in disaster. But I guess I did enjoy it. Maybe._

“We’re going to go back to my apartment, so let’s meet up again sometime.” Asahi spoke up, and Kageyama couldn’t miss the blooming of affection in Nishinoya’s eyes as his boyfriend talked. Nishinoya started pulling Asahi away.

“Bye Kageyama! See ya soon, Hinata!” Nishinoya shouted.

“Byee!” Hinata waved. Kageyama also waved ( _I don’t want to say anything so a wave would suffice)._

Hinata turned the opposite direction. “Let’s go back then. I think I’m gonna head home.”

“Okay.” Kageyama’s heart thumped with the beat of their falling footsteps as they made their way down the sidewalk. A smooth breeze glided over him, but his skin was coated in a thin sheen of sweat from the late-summer setting sun ( _or from my nervousness)._

 _Control your B.O. This is not the time._ Kageyama felt like laughing at himself.

* * *

 

Hinata stopped in front of their usual café. _This is where our paths diverge. I’m gonna do it._ “I’m going to go now, Kageyama, so I’ll see you tomorrow!” He lifted his mouth into a weary smile and waved, then turned around to cross the street.

“W-w-wait!” Kageyama yelled frantically. _Don’t leave. Please don’t leave._ _Stay._ Hinata looked over his shoulder, lips pressed together with an expression Kageyama couldn’t discern.

“What’s wrong?”

“Um, I have something I need to talk to you about!” _Breathe in, out._

“Oh, oh sure!” Hinata turned around now, and rocked back and forth on his feet. _He always does that._ He patted his hands repeatedly on his thighs in an improvised rhythm. _He can never keep still. That habit._ “Sooo, what did you wanna say?”

“Can we, um, sit down on the bench?” Kageyama flapped his hand at their ( _our?)_ bench in front of the café. “If you don’t mind.”

Hinata frowned, puckering his lips slightly. _Why do his lips always look so pretty?_ “Sure.” Both of them seated themselves on the bench within a tense five seconds. The bench felt itchy underneath Kageyama’s thighs, and he bounced his legs up on his toes, occasionally kicking his bag at his feet. The breeze blew down his neck, sending a chilly shiver down his spine. _First I’m sweating, now I’m cold, this is just great._ “Um, Kageyama? Is everything alright? You’ve been looking a little bothered lately.” Hinata leaned forward in his seat and looked straight through him. Kageyama looked back at him, flabbergasted and heart panging painfully.

_Okay_

_This is enough_

_Stop_

“That’s what I wanna know.” Kageyama whispered, voice quivering.

“What?”

“Hinata, _you’ve_ been the one looking bothered lately.”

Hinata opened and closed his mouth like a fish. He had no words. _I know I’m right._

“Ever since,” Kageyama swallowed, inhaling the scent of faint coffee drifting from the café and the aroma of Hinata’s shampoo, “you... had that phone call that day, like at the library, you’ve been sad. I-i-I can tell when you’re trying to hide it! I know you’re not happy. I know I’m the biggest effin hypocrite in the world because I do that a lot and you told me you would be here for me and stuff but I didn’t say anything, but it’s at least fair,” Kageyama gulped again and forced himself to gaze at Hinata, taking in every detail, his flattened hair, the bobbing of his Adam’s apple in his throat, the faint dark smudges of insomnia smeared under his beautiful eyes, “for me to offer the same thing. You can talk to me too, Hinata-dumbass.” _you probably shouldn’t have insulted him_

He saw Hinata’s eyes widen, then scrunch up with threatening tears. His pink mouth trembling, thinning and then plumping, in attempt to say something. He blinked rapidly, trying not to cry. _I know that trick. I’m a sad, overemotional person all the time by myself. Don’t hold it in Hinata. It’ll burst out of you uncontrollably if you do. I may have a crush on you, but having you as a friend comes first. I’m a fucking cheesy person I know, but you’ve already had such an impact on me, I’d never be able to forget you._

“I-I’m sorry.” Hinata’s scratchy voice broke. “I thought you wouldn’t know.”

“Of course I’d know.”

Hinata drew his legs up onto the bench, hugging them into a tight ball and burying most of his face into his knees. A few teardrops splattered onto his kneecaps, tracing down his pale shins coated in soft hairs. His mouth muffled, he choked out, his voice shaky with uneven breaths, “My little sister called me… about my mom.”

Kageyama’s chest constricted, then expanded. _His mom._ Kageyama conjured up a shadowy image in his head, of a woman with permanent smile wrinkles and a worn apron, of warm hugs and kisses for her children. Of a mother who also enjoyed romance stories. _I remember when Hinata was looking for a present for her. And I saw Hinata at that movie._ He leaned in a bit closer to hear his quiet words. _I’m right here it’s okay_

“Recurrence. Cancer. It came back.” The words were heavy stones, abrupt and sudden, stones that weren’t able to skim across the surface of a serene pond with a light toss and instead plunked to the bottom, to murky brown darkness, to the depths of his heart. The dam broke loose, and Hinata started sobbing, hands clutched into fists, shoulders heaving, his entire body quaking with shivers and silent cries.

Kageyama’s heart throbbed with… some strong emotion. _I… I don’t know what I’m feeling. What should I do? I thought I’d know what to do but I don’t. He’s in so much pain. His mother, someone he treasures dearly, is suffering. How did he bear it all before? I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I didn’t ask you earlier._ He reached out a shaking, tentative hand, to place on Hinata’s shoulder or his head or to rub his back, anything to offer comfort he didn’t know how to give. “I… I’m sorry. I’m here.” But Hinata was withdrawing smaller and smaller into his small ball, hugging his knees tighter and tighter. Kageyama retracted his hand and placed it back on his own lap. His leg brushed against his backpack lying in a heap at his feet, and his eyes flickered down to it.

_I know_

_Like Liesel in the bomb shelter_

As Hinata cried, letting out hiccups and loud sniffles, and wiping his tears and nose on his shorts, Kageyama reached down to his bag, his fingers fumbling with the zipper. He fidgeted around a little, and found the two things he was looking for. A tissue pack, and a book. _The Messenger._

Kageyama gently set the tissue pack next to Hinata and whispered hoarsely, “I brought a lot of extra tissues for the movie.” He heard his sobs diminish just a fraction. _Hinata. Hinata. Hinata. Hinata._

_I’ll do what I know how to do._

Kageyama cradled the book in his hands, opening it to the page where his bookmark was tucked. _Page two hundred, sixty-eight._ He opened his mouth and licked his dry lips, eyes roaming across the inked page. “‘For the first time in years, I give out Christmas cards.’” He read, voice a bit croaky. “‘The only difference is that I don’t give out cards with little Santas or Christmas trees on them. I find a few old packs of playing cards…’”

_Keep reading._

_Keep reading._

_Calm down._

_Is Hinata okay? I hope he can hear me. Can you hear me? I’m reading to you. Please listen._

“‘She’s beautiful. In the way she is.’” A short breath, a swallow. _I think he isn’t crying as much now. I think he’s hearing me._ He continued.

“‘It feels strange delivering the cards to these people. They’ll never really know what it means…’” _His fingers are unclenching. Red moon crests remain on his palms._

“‘The steering wheel’s warm as I drive off.” _He isn’t sobbing anymore. He took a tissue._

“‘I’m frustrated because of my final ace. Hearts, of all things to be last.” _I think… he’s lifting his head. He’s uncurling. Like a forlorn armadillo. (That was a stupid simile)_

Kageyama’s voice had grown steady and firm from his initial unsure whisper. “‘People die of broken hearts. They have heart attacks. And it’s the heart that hurts most when things go wrong and fall apart.” He stopped reading, letting his final words dissipate into the darkening sky. _He’s looking at me._ The rush of bravery throughout his veins prompted him to slide his bookmark back in between the pages and shut the book, then to turn and gaze back at Hinata, who was peering back at him. Hinata, with a red face and swollen eyes and a wet nose. Hinata.

“I’ll walk home with you. Do you want to leave now?” Hinata snuffled loudly, and nodded. Kageyama breathed in and out a few times, then inserted his book back into his backpack, standing up and slinging it over his shoulder. He looked to his left. Hinata was still sitting there, now clutching the tissue pack tightly with both hands. His backpack laid abandoned next to him.

“I’ll carry your bag, okay?” Kageyama asked. Another snuffle, another nod. _Okay._ He bent over and hauled Hinata’s backpack over his other shoulder. _This is manageable._ He glanced at Hinata. “Come on, Hinata.” He coaxed in a rather gruff manner, but in the softest way he knew how. “I’ve got this. If we don’t leave soon, Nishinoya and Asahi’ll go to your apartment, and then you won’t have anywhere to sleep.” _Did I just try to make a joke? Referencing sex? I-D-I-O-T._ The joke hung awkwardly in the air over their heads. Kageyama’s mind berated him repeatedly.

“Hhh.” Hinata stood up with a small sigh. A sigh? _No, a small chuckle. Albeit, a nasal giggle, but, it still was a laugh._ “It wouldn’t be the first time. And you’d let me sleep over at your place if that ever happened.” It was a statement. Hinata had a horrible stuffy nose, but he sounded absolutely certain of the fact. _Idiot._

“Yeah, yeah. Tell me something I don’t know.” _Now it’s Selena Gomez references?_ Kageyama hesitantly started walking, making sure Hinata followed. He did.

They walked for a few minutes, in silence except for Hinata’s sniffles. He was always a step or two behind Kageyama. Strangely, even though Kageyama had only been to Hinata’s apartment once, he knew exactly where it was. His memory and instinct kept him going. He kept looking over his shoulder subtly, to check if he was still there. And he always was.

At last, after a year or a millisecond, Kageyama wasn’t sure, they arrived in front of the building. Their footsteps filling the quiet as they walked halted. Nothing was left except for the chirping crickets, their own breaths, and the deafening silence. Kageyama held out Hinata’s backpack to him. “Here.” _What should I do now???_

“Thank you.”

“It’s no problem. I’m not that weak.”

“No, no.” Hinata swiped at the drying tears on his face. “I mean, thank you. For today. You took me to a movie to cheer me up, didn’t you? You also confronted me, and you let me talk, and you read to me. Your voice soothed me. You walked me home.”

“Um, um, will you be okay?” Kageyama asked dumbly. _Oh my god oh my god oh my god_

“Now I am.” Hinata whispered, and his eyes crinkled affectionately. _Am I imagining that?_ He turned to open the door with his swipe card, and stepped inside. He began making his way up the steps. Hinata hadn’t said goodbye, but Kageyama strangely didn’t mind. He stared at his retreating back through the dirtied, tinted windowpane as he went up, up, up the steps, and then disappeared behind the faint _click_ of the lock of a door.

Kageyama walked home in blue darkness. A small, sad, stupid smile stretched across his lips. And a tiny thought popped into his head that made his smile all the more stupid.

_I think… everything is going to work out. It’s gonna be okay._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Note: In the Book Thief, Liesel Meminger reads to the people in the bomb shelter to calm everyone down.)  
> Hehe this is a bit late because I've recently read two amazing, heart wrenching books and needed time to fangirl, cry, go on tumblr, etc. I definitely recommend Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe, and the Song of Achilles. They were absolutely beautiful.  
> ~Extra Story~  
>  _After the Restaurant, at Asahi's Apartment_  
>  “Nishinoya.”  
> “Yeah?”  
> “Did you enjoy today?”  
> “Yeahh it was so fun!!”  
> “…”  
> “It was like a double date. My friend-senses were tingling, I know Hinata and Kageyama were totally into each other~! They should just start going out already.”  
> “…”  
> “Asahi? Did you not like today? What’s wrong?”  
> “Well…”  
> “Tell me.”  
> “Umm, I was really excited to go on a, uh, date with you, and…”  
> “And?”  
> “I was a bit surprised… when they came along.”  
> A feathery kiss, lips pressed to Asahi’s large hand because it was sometimes too hard for Nishinoya to reach Asahi’s cheek, or his lips. “I’m so sorry Asahi. I’m sorry I didn’t know, you should’ve told—“  
> “But it’s really fine, really! They’re nice people, so it all works out.”  
> “I’m gonna make it up to you.”  
> “It’s okay, you don’t have to—Oh!” A firm tug on his neck pulled him towards Nishinoya’s eye level. Small, thin lips brushed across his shoulders, his prominent collarbones, his sensitive neck, a few lucky pecks landing on his defined jaw. Asahi turned cherry red.  
> “Noya…”  
> “Asahi.” They shared a tender gaze. Asahi leaned down, Nishinoya stood on his tiptoes, and their lips met halfway.  
> ~~
> 
> follow me on tumblr [here](http://www.palepinkimpulses.tumblr.com) and my ff account is [here](https://www.fanfiction.net/~palepinkimpulses) :)


	19. baby steps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for disappearing for two months. Here's an update ^_^

A medium-sized cardboard box. The reason for Kageyama’s dull ache in his upper arms. _It isn’t **that** heavy but muscular endurance isn’t exactly my strong suit. _As he walked, his steps slowed, but not because of the extra weight he was carrying. Eyes unfocused, his mind slipped away into the memories of yesterday.

_Hinata_

_He opened up_

_And I think I helped him_

_I think we moved up the friendship ladder?_

_I hope it won’t be awkward today_

As he neared the café, his heartbeat quickened involuntarily, and so did his pace. _Am I hungry? Tired from holding this box? Or maybe I just want to see him. Dammit._

Hinata was sitting on the bench already, his bag on his lap jiggling up and down from his leg-bouncing.  Kageyama hastily fast-walked up to him, because he could feel the onset of a horrible red blush coming on if _he looks at me with that cute face for thirty seconds straight as I go up to him._ He stopped in front of the bench and set down the box with a quiet sigh. _finally_

“Hey, Kageyama!” Hinata greeted him with a smile. It was _his_ smile, completely his, not a fabricated stretching of his mouth in attempt to look okay. It was genuine, imperfect but perfect, adorable, happy. It was Hinata. A bit wobbly and tentative, but it was him.

A swelling of relief and happiness surged through his entire body. Kageyama resisted the urge to smile stupidly.

“H-hi.”

“What’s in the box?”

“Um—It’s—actually—“ He stammered. _Wow you can’t even explain yourself properly._ “Uh, I’ll explain when we’re in the library. Yeah…” He trailed off pathetically. Hinata raised his eyebrows in curiosity.

“Ooh, sounds interesting. Do you wanna get our food and drinks now?” Hinata pushed himself off the bench and hopped up.

“Actually, I don’t want to leave my box. In case anyone wants to take it or something.” Kageyama mumbled, his face reddening. _It’s just A BOX with NOTHING IMPORTANT inside okay calmmmm down._ “Could you buy my stuff for me?” He pulled a few bills from his pocket and held them out nervously to Hinata.

“You don’t have to be so scared of meee, dumbo-Kageyama.” He teased him, plucked the money from his hands, and dashed into the café like a quick rabbit. Kageyama stood there, dumbfounded. _Dumbo-Kageyama? I’d at least be fake-offended, but the way he said that… It sounds so cute. **Dumbo** -Kageyama. Dammit all. _He plopped himself down onto the bench, the box at his feet, and crossed his arms defiantly. _I am definitely mad. Mad._ But when Hinata arrived back outside with a paper bag of snacks, a cardboard multi-drink holder, a handful of change for Kageyama, and a gigantic cookie stuck in his mouth, crumbs on his upper lip, Kageyama’s phony-frown disappeared. _Who am I kidding? I’m over the moon that he seems so happy._ He stood up and heaved up the cardboard box. “Let’s go.”

“Soo, Kageyama, what’s in that box?” Hinata prodded as he wiped away the remnants of the cookie on his mouth. He sat down at the chair across from Kageyama. _I thought this was a good idea this morning but I change my mind I CHANGE MY MIND I’m still nervous from the librarian shooting a glare at my box when I walked in. Can a guy walk somewhere with his box in peace?_

“Uhh, Kageyama?” Hinata waved his hand in front of his face, and he flinched.

Without thinking, he blurted, “Books and movies.”

“Books and movies? What for?”

“…” Kageyama pushed the box across the table towards him, eyes averted. “Look.” _This is so embarrassing oh no ugh ahhh_

Hinata pushed aside the cardboard flaps and peered inside. “Romance… novels?” Inside were a few small, neat stacks of romance novels and movies Kageyama had gathered. “What are they f… Oh, wait, I remember when we saw that movie together. You like romance stories. But why…”

“It’s for your mom, dumbass.  She likes this stuff also, right?” Kageyama bit back sharply, but he was closely studying Hinata’s face, which went from confusion to surprise to a teary happiness.

“Kageyama…” Hinata folded the cardboard flaps back over the top and hugged the box to his chest, fingers overlapping and lightly clutching the box’s edges, softly saying, “Thank you so much. I appreciate it, really. Thank you thank you thank you.”

 _I wanted to do it._ “Ah—um—yeah.” _Try again._ “I mean, it’s nothing. I mean, it isn’t nothing, it’s just that I did it of my own free will and I wanted to, so it’s all okay.” Kageyama spluttered. He could feel a slight crawl of heat rising from his neck.

“Thank you, really.” Hinata gently picked up the box and set it under his chair. After he settled in his chair again, swiped a finger at the wet corners of his eyes, and blew the stray hairs out of his face, he said, “Kageyama, I want to talk to you.”

_What does he want to say? Does he know I like him? Dammit_

“Ah—uh—we’re talking now, aren’t we?” Kageyama crossed his legs, not knowing exactly what to do.

“No, I mean, like talk about stuff to know each other. We already know each other, I know, but like family stuff. I want to tell you about me and my family. After yesterday,” He swallowed, betraying slight sorrow from the day before, “I want to. And if you want, you can tell me about your family, but you don’t have to, of course. I respect your privacy, Kageyama.” Hinata smiled at him and did his cute tilting-head look. Blood pounded in Kageyama’s heart, and his brain felt useless.

“You can go first.” He murmured. Hinata’s eyes widened into bright suns, then diminished into a softer glow, after he realized what that implied. Kageyama was always a secretive person and kept things to himself, because it was hard for him to open up to anyone, to find someone else who’d actually care about him. _I want to tell someone. I want to tell **Hinata.**_

“Okay. I’ll start then.” Hinata propped his head up on the table with both of his hands. He blinked quickly, and Kageyama could feel the warm, directed rays piercing his soul from his gaze. “I have a younger sister, in junior high.”

“I grew up with her, and my parents. I have a great family. I really love them a lot.”

“I live about a few hours’ drive away.”

“My mom had breast cancer when I was really little. I don’t remember much, but I remember that she was so brave, and that she smiled a lot. I remember when she hugged me after my dad helped me choose a pink knit hat from the store for her.”

“The cancer went away. She had my sister after.”

“But it came back recently.” His voice dropped into a breathy whisper, like the wind in spring leaves before a rainstorm, a rainstorm that would swoop in without warning and last forever.

“I’m going to visit her for tomorrow and the day after, I’ll be back on the third day.”

“She’s going to love what you did for her. I know for sure, Kageyama.” _I hope so._

“What else do you want to know?” Hinata asked Kageyama, still staring at him.

Kageyama willed himself to absorb everything he had said, to lock it away and treasure it in his heart. “I want to know… about Nishinoya and stuff.”

“Noya Senpai.” Hinata grinned fondly, which sent a nervous flutter to Kageyama’s chest. Strangely, it _doesn’t bother me as much as when he said his name before._ “Yeah, he was a grade above me, and we played a lot when our parents would have get-togethers and things like that. We used to play small pranks, do sports, and all that little kid stuff. But he kept teasing me, since I was an underclassman. And then he graduated and the rest you know.”

“Oh.” He lamely said. _What else should I say?_ “Thank you. For sharing things with me. Thank you. Um, is it okay…I’m gonna say stuff about me now.” He bit his lip.

“Okay, Kageyama.” Hinata leaned forward and whispered warmly.

_Okay._

“Uhh I’m not sure I have a lot to say though. I’m not that interesting.”

“That’s okay, I’ll listen to whatever you have. And you’re an interesting person.”

“Got it.”

“Mmhhmm. Believe me, dumbo-Kageyama.”

 _Stop being so cute._ “Yeah yeah. Sooo,” He breathed in, “I don’t have any siblings, so it was just me and my parents. I had that stereotypical family with the often-away-at-business-trips dad, but my mom was at home so we were pretty close and my dad spent time with us whenever he was off, even when he was tired, so I was happy because of that. But I was pretty keep-to-myself and all that because all those idiots at my school thought that liking reading and literature was stupid. Those idiots.” He muttered darkly. _I can still feel that animosity between me and all those sports clubs guys. Ugh._

“Hahaha!” Hinata started to laugh, but immediately covered his mouth with his hand, his unmistakable smile still peeking through this fingers. “Oh, I didn’t mean to laugh, you just sounded really serious about it and it seemed very cute in a way?” Hinata scratched his cheek sheepishly. “Hehe, sorry, I can be random sometimes.” Kageyama’s scowl was frozen on his face.

_Did he just call me… cute?_

_Cute? CUTE? Me!? A perpetually angry book-reading adult-child?_

_Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh._

Kageyama was so shocked, his mind completely devoid of thought that he couldn’t even react with his usual awkwardness. He only stared bug-eyed back across the table towards Hinata.

“Uhhh, Kageyama? Hellooooo?” Hinata leaned over the table and snapped his fingers in front of Kageyama’s face. Cross-eyed, he blinked and returned to Earth. All he could see in front of him was Hinata’s face, very close to his own, and the details of his features. His button nose. Pink lips. A scattering of faint freckles. A fringe of untidy eyelashes. The soft curve of his cheeks down to his chin. Inquisitive, slightly confused hazel eyes flecked with light looking back at him. _Right at him._

 _…!!!_ Kageyama abruptly jerked back in his seat, pushing himself back and heartrate speeding up at about a million miles per second. _God I’d rather return to my reverie of nothingness than be caught admiring his effing face oh god._ He looked anywhere but his face, staring down at the table, at his hand, at Hinata’s shirt, at the shadow of his collarbone subtly showing from under his shirt…

“Kageyamaaaaa? Earth to Kags!” Hinata sang.

“Yes, Hinata?” His mouth articulated on its own.

“Whoa, why are you being so formal-sounding all of a sudden?” Hinata asked, a hint of a giggle coming on.

“…I sometimes slip into formal speak, it’s a habit.” Kageyama muttered under his breath, half-annoyed with himself. _I thought I didn’t do that anymore! I haven’t lately. Ugh this is infuriating, a lot of people think it’s weird when I use more complicated words like camaraderie or something and when I use ‘shall’ when I talk_

“That’s really cool! I think people should be more polite to each other. It’d make the world a much friendlier place, and I think everyone deserves that.” Hinata rocked back and forth on his chair, hands casually placed behind his head, as if he hadn’t just said something so profoundly simple, it had the potential to change humanity. A threat of emotions tensed up Kageyama’s face, his eyes feeling strangely heavy. _Nope I’m not crying from how amazing he is_

Instead, he leaned forward on the table, as close as he dared before his face would turn red from proximity, and glared at Hinata. His rocking faltered, and Hinata frowned curiously back at him. “Huh?”

“Don’t rock in your chair.”

“Aw, c’mon, you sound like a kindergarten teacher, Kaggy.”

“Kaggy?” A growl resounded in Kageyama’s throat, which set off an eruption of laughter and promises from Hinata that he would never utter that word again. After Hinata had dried his tears of laughter and resumed his gentle rocking, Kageyama crossed his arms.

“You know, you could get hurt.”

“From…”

“From rocking in your chair. Please, don’t get hurt. Idiot.” The last word was flung viciously, but was held back at the very last minute and plopped feebly onto the table in front of them, without menace.

“Mmmmmm...” Hinata stopped his rocking, and quickly pulled his legs up onto the chair and hugged them in a cannonball position, his chin tucked between his arms so only his eyes and forehead were visible. _What is he doing, exactly?_ Kageyama blinked back at him. He felt a tingle of déjà vu. _Yesterday, on the bench. He was curled up like this._ His chest dropped, seemingly weighing a thousand pounds, of fear and worry and indiscernible emotions. _Oh my god. Is he okay? Did I say something? I might have. Was it from saying ‘idiot’? Why am I such an insensitive jerk?_

“ARE YOU OKAY?” Kageyama nearly yelled, his voice rough and loud and wavering at the very end. He even winced at his own abrasiveness. Hinata’s face popped up, in surprise.

_Are you going to say anything? Please, tell me if you’re hurt, if you still have sad feelings from yesterday. Or just because you remembered again, about your mom. Emotions can rise at any given moment, I won’t blame you for that._

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Hinata mumbled into his own lap, his words tumbling out of his mouth. For a moment, his eyes flickered up to Kageyama. “This doesn’t really have to do with that but… I promise, Kageyama, I feel so much better. After I told you, I feel…” His gaze went back down to his own lap. “I feel.. like I can soar.”

 _Wait… is he blushing?_ Though most of his face was hidden, the very edges of a rose blush was visible at the tips of his cheeks, right under his darting eyes, unable to focus on Kageyama properly.

 _Goddammit I’ve gotten myself to like another chronic blusher like me? Great._    

_Self, do something. Don’t you dare blush as a reaction to him blushing. DON’T._

A heavier tension began to permeate the atmosphere, not one of discomfort or anger or typical awkwardness, but something else entirely, an aura Kageyama had never met before. _Fix this. He’s been blushing for at least ten seconds and if this continues, I will definitely be overcome with how cute his face is._

“I also,” He abruptly coughed in obvious attempt to change the mood from whatever-it-currently-was, “may have tipped over in my chair in kindergarten because I was trying to do a backbend on my chair to reach a crayon behind my chair.” As soon as his brain decided to spurt this tragic childhood story out, he regretted it. _Oh god._ Hinata unfurled a little, eyes flashing up at him in amusement. “And I ended up getting a concussion. I don’t want you to go through that.” _Hey, I might as well go all the way and tell the entire thing. I’ve already lost all my dignity anyway._ As soon as Hinata raised his head and started laughing at him, and uncurled his arms and legs, flushing _(definitely from laughing too hard)_ , Kageyama smiled inside himself, in his throbbing, swollen heart, as he glared at Hinata indignantly for teasing him. _I never thought about how wonderful his laugh sounds. I could listen to it all day._

* * *

 

Before they parted ways that night, Hinata poked him on the shoulder, and Kageyama jumped a little in response, but not as much as he would’ve before. _I’ve gotten used to his random pokes and nudges._

“I’m nearly done with the Book Thief, so when I get back from visiting my mom, can we trade our books back? If you’re almost done reading the Messenger?” Hinata offered.

Kageyama considered it for a moment, thinking about how many pages he had left in his book. “Yeah, sure. I’m almost done.”

“Kay. See you in a few days, okay? Text me~” Hinata asked playfully, but with a tiny hint of true pleading that Kageyama noticed, and couldn’t help slipping into the folds of his memory as another small piece of Hinata he could cherish.

“I will.” _I would’ve, even if you hadn’t asked._ “Have a safe trip. Oh, do you need help with the box?” He noticed Hinata shifting the box carefully from arm to arm, shuffling it around and fidgeting.

“Don’t worry, I can handle it. I just don’t want to drop it, that’s all. “He replied sheepishly.

“Oh, okay, great.” _He wants to take of your box. YOUR box._

“I gotta go pack now, so bye, Kageyama!” Hinata waved, and began to walk away.

“Wait!” Hinata spun back around at Kageyama’s call, box tucked under his right arm.

“You’re okay, right?” Kageyama repeated his question from before. He didn’t miss the fleeting fragility that flashed in Hinata’s eyes as he blinked once, then it was gone when he blinked once more. It was replaced by a warm fire, not a gigantic blaze, but a fiery glow of the embers of an extinguished campfire, after merriment and celebration had ended, and everything was at peace.

“Yes. I am. And if I’m not, I will tell you. Okay?” Hinata’s lips quirked into an delicate, yet strong smile as he elbowed Kageyama in the stomach softly, and turned to disappear into the night, only his head of orange hair bobbing in the darkness visible.

“Okay.” Kageyama didn’t know if he heard him or not, but he watched as he walked away, his mind finally settling from a stiffness he hadn’t even felt before. Until, some of it returned, as he thought about their upcoming book swap. He couldn’t shake the feeling, which clung onto the roots of his internal whispers, that once they had swapped books back, something would stop, or stagnate. _Because wouldn’t it be coming full circle? From when we first swapped books? But then, nothing would happen after. Nothing would._

_The first piece of me I had given him would be returned to me, and then what? I don’t know what, but I think something needs to happen, or it’ll fall apart. It probably won’t, but it’ll feel like it to me. I don’t know how to explain it. It’s a gut feeling._

In his dreams, he began to form an inkling, of what he could, might do, to hold it together, keep the seams from fraying and falling apart in thin, wounded threads of gray.

_But I don’t even know how I’d ever, ever be able to do what I’m thinking of._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh guys, I never expected I wouldn't be able to update for two months. Life got really busy (aka all that schoolwork) so I haven't had time until now to write. I'm sorry *bows*  
> (hm i wonder why hinata blushed. you oblivious boy kaggy)  
> (Side note: If anyone is a fan of EXO, please send me a message on my tumblr. I really wanna get to know other exo fans *^*)

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it :D
> 
> follow me on tumblr [here](http://www.palepinkimpulses.tumblr.com) and my ff account is [here](https://www.fanfiction.net/~palepinkimpulses) :)


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